


Atlas

by 1004 (A_n_g_e_l)



Series: We Without Wings [1]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angry Park Jimin, Angst, Be warned-- this is traumatic, Breaking!Yoongi, Chapter 1(not the prologue) Is Where Most of The Triggers Are, Dark!Seokjin, Forgive Jimin For His Behavior, He's Just Worried and Angry and Cares About Yoongi, Hobi is Stressed, M/M, Manipulation, Min Yoongi | Suga-centric, Self-Hatred, Stockholm Syndrome, Tae is a Good Dongsaeng, Taehyung is perceptive when it comes to everything except Jungkook's feelings, platonic taegi, yoongi is scared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2018-12-17 00:31:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 62,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11840253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_n_g_e_l/pseuds/1004
Summary: "You are a toy, a plaything. Never forget that you are mine to do as I please."Even in the dark, there is a chance to find equilibrium.. that is, if you throw away your pride, independence, and everything that keeps you sane. Full of lies, deceit, betrayal and blood, this is a story you weren't told. This is a story full of happiness.Jin isn't always who the fans see. He isn't always who the band sees, though it's inevitable they occasionally get glimpses. After all, not even the best actors can hold up a façade for forever, and Yoongi ends up taking the brunt of the matter.





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan on writing this for this fandom, but somehow, it happened. Originally, this was supposed to be a K fanfic, but halfway through the first chapter, I switched it to BTS instead. Please take note I love Kim Seokjin with all my heart, and I know he is nothing like this. This is a dark AU for a reason.

Yoongi lets out a groan as he allows himself to collapse on the lumpy couch in the dorm's small living room. The boys, save for Seokjin, are out and about today, enjoying one of their first days off since their debut. They've all been working themselves to the bone, trying to connect with their relatively small fanbase so far.

They're weary, but Yoongi likes to think to they deserve this short break. Yes, maybe they could have done better on the debut stage. Yes, maybe if he hadn't nearly stumbled over his feet or his tongue during their first performance in front of the public they would have made a better impression, but he's hoping they'll have a chance to try again and prove their worth once more.

"Hey, Yoongi, get off your butt and come help me with something, yeah?" He hears his hyung call, and Yoongi lets out another weary groan. He's _tired_ , and not just physically. He's mentally and emotionally exhausted from all he's exerted himself. He's not sure he can do anything right now, and he curls up on the couch with sound of displeasure. He doesn't want to. He wants to try to catch up on sleep, damnit.

"No..." Yoongi releases a sound akin to a whine(except Min Yoongi doesn't whine, thank you very much). His body is so utterly reluctant to move from its place on the uncomfortable couch, but Seokjin strides in at the sound of Yoongi's refusal, a borderline strung out expression on his handsome face.

Oh. Now he kind of feels guilty; he averts his eyes. Seokjin has been working just as hard as him, even if in different ways. The man has been putting in extra hours in their dance room, putting in extra hours in vocal practice, has been cooking, helping Hoseok clean, while Yoongi puts in all of his time in their tiny studio or on his cheap laptop that he saved up to afford to work on their music outside of the studio.

He hasn't truly forgotten that they all have been suffering, but Namjoon is hopeful. Namjoon says they have a bright future ahead of them, but they're not deluded. They all know the road ahead is a long one.

"Min Yoongi, get up." Yoongi's head snaps up, taken aback by Seokjin's cold tone . He's never been spoken to so sharply by his soft, polite hyung before, and when his eyes lock with Seokjin's, it only strengthens his astonishment. The elder's round, gentle eyes that normally so clearly reveal everything he's thinking are almost unreadable, and the only distinguishable emotion is something akin to fury. He could have never seen this coming. He still doesn't know what's coming, so he cautiously starts to sit up properly, keeping his vision trained on the stranger in front of him.

"What the actual fuck, hyung?" Yoongi questions, a frown of displeasure on his lips.

" _Min Yoongi, get up!_ " The shout shocks Yoongi into submission and he nearly falls in his hurry to comply before he can even think to disobey. He searches Seokjin's face for clues but nothing gives.

"Hyung, take a deep breath. I'm sorry, we're both tired; I'll listen." Yoongi murmurs, locking his gaze with the elder's in hopes of getting his point across. This Seokjin(it's painfully clear this isn't Bangtan's polite and playful hyung) is a wild card, and Yoongi wants to put out the situation before it begins. If he can just get him back to a less stressed state, everything will be fine. They've all worked themselves to the bone and are close to snapping, after all.

Seokjin has just reached his breaking point-- all Yoongi has to do is talk him back down. It shouldn't be that hard. Yoongi knows he has a particularly soothing voice, and it relaxes people when they're strung out. Like when he realizes he and Namjoon get too heated while arguing, Yoongi can bring them both back to a reasonable level, when Hoseok suddenly starts to break down from all the pressure, or when their maknaes are missing home. Jin hasn't ever reached his limit before, so this must have been building up for a while now. It's only normal that he is finally succumbing to the weight that's resting on all of their shoulders.

"Look, I'll help; what did you want me to do for you?" His voice is purposefully calm and placating.

Seokjin's expression is absolutely livid as he stalks around Yoongi in a circle, before he stops behind him, lips pressed next to the shorter male's ear, large hands on his shoulders. "I'm real tired of your mocking shit, Yoongi. I'll take you down a peg or two-- Get on your knees."

Yoongi's eyebrows raise to his hairline, and his lips part ever so slightly in utter shock before his expression clears and he lets out a soft laugh. Oh. Okay. Seokjin was definitely an acting major for a reason.

"I said, on your knees!"

The sudden strike to the back of his legs followed by a shove catches him by surprise, and he falls to the ground with a gasp as his legs are forcefully collapsed beneath him. "Fuck.." He groans, catching himself on his forearms, and his mind races to catch up. Seokjin really hadn't been joking. He wanted Yoongi on his knees.

Before he can curse the elder out however, he's yanked up by his hair, and he grits his teeth, refusing to let out another weak sound. He meets Seokjin's unnaturally cruel gaze with narrowed, defiant eyes. "I'm going to fucking kill you." He hisses. Yoongi likes to think of himself as level headed and tolerant, but even he has limits. Being tossed around like a rag doll is one of them.

Burning rage builds inside his chest when Seokjin only offers him an arrogantly cocked eyebrow and a small smirk, pulling Yoongi's head back in a manner that exposes the smooth expanse of his throat. Yoongi's not stupid; he knows that this is a display of dominance and power, and he fucking hates it.

Glaring, he reaches up to grab at Seokjin's wrist, digging his blunt nails in between the tendons as deeply as he possibly can. While it can't cut the skin, Yoongi knows it's a thoroughly unpleasant experience, and his knowledge is confirmed when Jin lets out a hiss of pain, releasing Yoongi's hair in favor of retaliating with a staggering hit.

It leaves Yoongi gasping on the floor, disoriented, and Seokjin's expression can only be described as gleeful as he hovers over the younger male's prone form. For the first time, Yoongi is painfully aware of their size difference, of the fact that Seokjin, as willowy and feminine as he pretends to be for the fans, can, strength wise, without a doubt, overpower him. Seokjin grasps the him by the jaw, pulling him up and closer. Yoongi's face is dangerously close to Jin's groin.

"Open up, Yoongi-yah. If you do this properly, I might be inclined to be kinder once we get to our room." Seokjin croons, a sickeningly sweet smile on his face.

___

 

It's a lie. Seokjin isn't gentle.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was short, but it's a prologue; chapter one will be longer. And far more traumatic. Reviews are always appreciated. ^0^


	2. Chapter 1- Moving Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fast forward a few years. Nothing has changed, and Yoongi is getting weary.

Retiring to his room in and of itself is an exhausting experience. It really is. Yoongi is worn down; he's about to collapse. Everything seems to have it out for him today. He's been in the studio all night. They practiced choreography until his legs had gone numb earlier that day. The day's only redemption had been Jimin, who had brought him dinner in the studio, and had spent some time with him in the small, dim room, before giving him a back hug and leaving, reminding him to not work himself too hard. Well.

He appreciates the sentiment, but it's not like he'll ever be able to listen when there's so much work to be done. He enters his dorm room sighing to himself, ready to fall into his mattress-- he doesn't even have the energy to take a shower right now. That's okay. He'll just take one first thing in the morning.

"Yoongi-yah. You were supposed to be back five hours ago." He freezes, body going stiff. There's an edge to that familiar voice that just.. isn't right.

His roommate is sitting on his bed, waiting. There is a dangerous glint in those pretty round eyes, like a predator watching prey, and Yoongi swallows tightly. Seokjin stands, approaching him, a scowl that looks so inherently wrong on his handsome face it's honestly appalling no matter how many times Yoongi sees it. Seokjin towers over the other male's small frame. Yoongi cowers instinctively at the aura the elder is giving off. This isn't the dorky and sweet Jin that the fans see.

"Hyung, please, I-" He's thrown to the floor, and the sharp pain knocks him wide awake. He scrambles backwards as Jin prowls around him, and his back hits the wall with a dull thud. Seokjin has strategically placed himself in front of the door, blocking the only exit. The elder has learned since the day Yoongi had managed to flee to Jimin and Taehyung's room. In the sanctuary of his own room, there is no escape.

"Look at you, _Yoongi-chi_." Seokjin purrs out Yoongi's little nickname, the one that makes the fans coo because _it's so precious_ , and he kneels beside the smaller man with a sickening grin. "Fearful and weak.. but not quite submissive. Not yet. You're so much cuter like this." Yoongi instinctively spits in his face. He immediately regrets the action when Seokjin's eyes seem to go black with fury, and the elder slowly, very deliberately, wipes the saliva from his cheek. Shit.

The brunet roughly takes Yoongi's jaw in hand, pulling him in for a bruising kiss. Yoongi's mouth is opened forcefully as Seokjin shoves his tongue inside, forcing their tongues to intertwine, and Yoongi wills himself to not bite down on Jin's tongue, despite the horror welling up inside of him. It's wet and sloppy and the slippery sensation is gross enough to be nauseating. He doesn't kiss back.

If he fights it right now, he knows from experience that it will be so much worse, even if every part of him is screaming to rebel further against his hyung. The last time he had been too defiant, he had ended up with a vibrator deep in his ass for twenty four hours. Instead(he refuses to ever be put through that experience ever again), he only whimpers as one of Seokjin's hands slides up his shirt, finding his nipples which are pinched, eliciting a strangled gasp.

"You like that?" The elder male pulls away from the wet kiss, but not before biting at Yoongi's lower lip sharply, earning himself a reluctant moan from the younger male. He continues to harshly play with the pink buds until they're swollen and red, never getting a response to his question. His plush lips pull into a thin line of displeasure at Yoongi's silence. Well. It seems like Yoongi is asking for it. The rapper's shirt is forcefully removed, even as he squirms in the elder's grasp in obvious attempts to make Seokjin's life harder. It doesn't work, and only serves to annoy him.

In retaliation, Seokjin makes quick work of Yoongi's pants as well, slipping his hand into his underwear and grasping at Yoongi's flaccid length, pumping at it with a dry hand, not bothering to take off his rings. A pained moan rips from Yoongi's pretty little mouth, and Seokjin grins. "No.. stop! Please hyung!" The younger male grimaces, his hands instinctively bracing against Jin's broad chest, attempting to push him away. It does nothing. It's not like he actually has the physical strength to move Seokjin off of him, even with the rush of fear and adrenaline running through his veins.

An angry smile curls at Seokjin's lips, and he trails butterfly kisses down Yoongi's jaw, murmuring against the elder's racing pulse, "Why don't you drop the prideful façade, dear?" It feels so much more intimate than the forceful acts; Jin's breath is tickling his throat, and it leaves Yoongi with a sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach. "We both know you love this.." Yoongi shakes his head vigorously. Dirty. He feels dirty.

"I don't. Hyung, not tonight- please- I can't-" He breaks off into a keening gasp as Seokjin grips his member tightly enough to cause pain, and he pulls his legs in, subconsciously making himself as small as possible. It's not going to get him out of this one. It never does.

"You can." The elder replies, spitting into his hand and watching with a morbid fascination as Yoongi's length begins to reluctantly harden under his touch. Yoongi's eyes widen as his body's betrayal begins, and he squeezes his thighs together as a weak attempt to stop his roommate. It does nothing to deter the taller of the two, who snaps, "Now be a good dongsaeng and keep your legs open," before prying Yoongi's legs back apart and enveloping him in his mouth. At this point, Yoongi knows far better than to close his legs on his partner's head, but he hunches over, bringing a hand to his mouth to stifle his own whimpers.

Seokjin almost smirks around Yoongi's cock, sucking gently, running his tongue along the rim of the head, before taking him all in. Seokjin's head bobs, and he makes a low sound in the back of his throat, causing Yoongi to jolt pleasurably. He squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn't want this. Damnit, he doesn't want this. The heat is building up inside on him, despite his mind's protests. A comfortable warmth between his legs. No. Not again. He had told himself he would never find such horrible acts pleasurable, and yet, once more. Here he is, as always.

Seokjin suddenly sits up, flipping Yoongi with practiced ease, pushing the smaller male's chest and shoulders into the ground. Hands and knees. He knows what's coming-- he's been in this position enough(Seokjin never fucks him missionary; Yoongi wonders if it's because Seokjin can't bear to look him in the face while betraying him like this).

It happens quite often, multiple times a week even, and while Seokjin seems normal afterwards, it leaves Yoongi drained of life the next day. Not that anyone ever notices; everyone seems to think Yoongi is perpetually in a burnt out state. Maybe this is the reason why. Seokjin chuckles; Yoongi's eyes widen in fear, and he strains his neck to beg with his roommate, hoping, for once, his pleas are taken into consideration.

"J-Jinnie-hyung.. I can't, please don't, for once, I'm begging y-!" Jin's fingers push into his protesting mouth, stopping the words, despite Yoongi's attempt to soften him up with a nickname he likes. The words are replaced with a pained garble of incomprehensible sounds and noises of choking.

"You are a toy, a plaything. Never forget that you are mine to do as I please." The cruel words are whispered into Yoongi's ear as Seokjin leers over him, and Yoongi shudders, fear clenching at his heart as he swallows painfully around Jin's long, slightly crooked fingers. It causes the elder's nails to scrape against his inner throat sharply, and he convulses. There would be no mercy tonight.

Seokjin draws his fingers out of Yoongi's mouth with a pleased smirk, watching with a sick fascination as a string of saliva connects them. It breaks, leaving it to dribble down Yoongi's chin. "Ass up." Seokjin commands, manhandling Yoongi into the position he wants and pulling Yoongi's underwear down around his pale thighs. Three fingers slip inside roughly, without warning, and he can feel the nauseating sensation of Seokjin spitting in his hole for more lubrication. A groan of pain escapes his swollen lips, and his hands brace him against the ground.

It hurts. It burns. He's breaking. His fingers curl, gripping at nothing, and his whole body tenses. He feels as if he's tearing, but he knows this happens often enough that the liquid running down his thighs is a mixture of his and Seokjin's saliva, not blood. Tears well up in his glossy brown eyes, but they only to go to encourage the elder male. A particularly deep thrust of his fingers has Yoongi giving out a strangled cry as Jin's short, blunt nails scratch his sensitive inner walls.

"Shhh.." Seokjin soothes, leaning over to croon into Yoongi's ear. Yoongi shudders in his horror, tears starting to fall, staining his pale cheeks. Jin's long fingers just push inside deeper, before adding a fourth, making the sound that rips from Yoongi's lips absolutely vulgar. It fits well with the dirty squelching noises of Yoongi's abused insides. "As thick as these walls are, dear, we can't have you screaming too loudly, unless you want others to hear.." Jin's fingers draw out of Yoongi's abused hole before pulling down his own pajama pants and positions himself right at the other's entrance.

"Beg for it." Seokjin commands, rubbing his heated length against Yoongi's weak entrance. Yoongi's eyes squeeze shut. Filthy. Dirty. Defiled. Disgusting. He needs a shower, needs to scrub at his skin and remove every trace of Seokjin. It doesn't help that Jin is almost fully clothed, in stark comparison to Yoongi's revealed state.

"No.." His voice trembles, and Jin's hand curls into Yoongi's fluffy hair, yanking his head back painfully, eliciting a gasp. His other hand crawls at the younger male's throat, Seokjin clearly relishing in the feel of muscle moving under the palm of his hands, shifting under his fingers as Yoongi swallows tightly. The vulnerability of it all terrifies him. Seokjin revels in it.

"Beg me, Yoongi-yah. You're such a whore; your cock's still hard between your legs. Despite what your mouth says, your body wants me. You cannot lie to your hyung." Seokjin croons, releasing Yoongi's hair in favor of roughly pinching a pink nipple. A pained moan. It's terrible. Stop. Stop it. Revulsion stains his features. He's not a whore. He doesn't want it. He feels disgusting.

"I don't want-- just let.. hyung!" Yoongi is painfully aware of everything, and it's so utterly overwhelming, it's difficult for him to form a coherent sentence. Seokjin shakes his head in amusement, rubbing his cock at the cleft of his dongsaeng's round ass once more, before pushing the head of his cock inside. He's only somewhat hard, which makes the experience just that much more humiliating.

"As if, my little whore." Yoongi gets vicious tug on his hair, Jin yanking his head back sharply. He yelps in both pain and shock. "Beg for me." A demand.

"N..o.." Seokjin releases his hair to slap him. Not hard enough to bruise-Seokjin wouldn't want to cause an uproar with the fans, after all- but it's sharp and stings enough to make him flinch. The hand around his throat tightens sharply. Yoongi freezes in fear and pain, gasping for breath. At this point, Seokjin's cock has slipped out of his hole, but the elder doesn't bother try to push back in. Instead, he slowly ruts between Yoongi's round ass cheeks, the sensation hot and heavy against the smaller male's sensitive skin.

"Beg."

Yoongi can't. He won't. Despite everything, he still has his pride. That is, until he feels teeth clamp down where his neck meets his shoulder, and his mind goes hazy from the sharp, excruciating sensation. Seokjin used to spank him when he was being disobedient, but had long since figured out that the younger was far weaker to biting. He vaguely notes the sound of someone crying out as he writhes under Seokjin's body, because he's trying to escape. It takes him a while to realize that it's coming from himself. He can't concentrate, chest heaving, his breathing ragged, and he struggles to find any words at all. It takes him an embarrassingly long time to gasp out, "It.. hurts.."

"Beg for your master, baby boy," Jin murmurs, releasing Yoongi from his bite for a cherished moment, plush lips brushing against the area of pale skin he had undoubtedly bruised with the force of his bite. Yoongi can barely even register the gentle sensation that should have been sickening, much less the words being spoken to him-- he's far too busy trying to catch his breath, relishing in the reprieve of Seokjin's teeth.

It's too soon when he feels the elder's lips by his ear, rumbling, "If you don't, I'll have to continue until you do, Yoongi-chi." That catches Yoongi's attention, and his heartbeat quickens. Seokjin chuckles at having found the smaller male's quite prominent weak spot, and Yoongi imagines that the elder is wearing quite a pleased expression-- like a cat who had killed a mouse and brought the mangled corpse to it's favorite human. He keeps his mouth shut in defiance, but he can feel his resolve weakening.

Seokjin bites back down on the area, tired of waiting, and Yoongi's mind blanks. "Fuck.." He gasps out, and the elder bites down harder. "Stop.." He groans, desperate for it to stop. It needs to stop. Anything. He'll do anything. He'll do anything, as long as Seokjin stops trying to take a chunk of flesh from his shoulder with his teeth.

"I- I can't- I need- Jinnie- Pl..ease.." The word passes his lips at barely a whisper, shame tainting his face. Seokjin smirks, finally removing his hand from Yoongi's throat to trail a finger down his spine. Yoongi shudders. He doesn't think he's ever been more disgusted with himself.

"Ask for it properly, Yoongi-yah." Seokjin prods in a mockingly gentle manner, rubbing his cock between Yoongi's ass. If anything, he's gotten harder from causing Yoongi pain.

"Please fuck me." Yoongi nearly chokes on the words, voice cracking with humiliation.

"Good boy." Seokjin croons, positioning himself once more at Yoongi's stretched entrance. He's admiring the image of his dongsaeng spread out just for him before he pushes the head of his shaft in slowly, watching as he's swallowed up by his roommate's unwilling body with a small smirk. It _burns_.

The gasp that rips from the smaller male's lips is sharp, and escapes through gritted teeth. Seokjin is long, and with a decent girth, it's enough to make Yoongi feel like he's being torn apart from the inside out, especially with the lack of proper lubrication. "F-fuck.." He curses, voice pitching higher as the elder male sinks into him completely. His head falls to rest against the cold floor. It balances out the burning in his lower regions, and just slightly gives his mind- which is foggy from pain and unwilling arousal- the slightest hint of clarity.

"You're a bit loose, baby boy." Seokjin rumbles, pulling out only to thrust back inside, not waiting for Yoongi to adjust. He gasps at the sensation, whole body lurching forward from the force of the elder's hips, the words _that's your fault_  never making it past his lips, thanks to his mind blanking at the sensation. Loose? God, he feels like he's breaking.

Seokjin really doesn't wait to pick up the pace either, instead choosing to grip Yoongi's hips and fuck him into the floor, his breathing slightly heavy from the sensation. Little grunts and pleased sighs occasionally leave his plush lips, and Yoongi honestly isn't sure if the soft sounds are revolting or are a turn on-- on a fundamental level, it's hot(Seokjin is an attractive man, after all, creating pretty noises), but the aspect of it all, the larger picture, is well, revolting.

On the other hand, Yoongi releases choked off whimpers and cries, thin, breathy and octaves above the lower register his voice usually resides at. His hands are balled into fists against the ground, and his dark brown eyes are glazed over, fucked out and in a daze.

He hates it. He hates the sensation of his body being split open, hates the way he can't even create a coherent thought and his vision goes white when Seokjin's length brushes against his insides _just right_. He hates it when all he can gasp out is _good, it feels good_  and he hates himself for it when he's finally capable of creating rational thoughts after every time he makes it through the ordeal.

At this point, though, he's painfully turned on, and rationality still eludes him. His hips move to meet Seokjin's thrusts, moaning and gasping in a way that has a smirk forming on the elder male's lips. Little pleas punctuate his involuntary sounds of pleasure, begging to come. He's so close, and so very aware of the manner Seokjin's body is completely dominating his own, of Seokjin's grip strong and undoubtedly going to leave bruises on Yoongi's pale skin. He hates the way his body finds it arousing.

"I- I want- need.. hyung," Yoongi's voice is raspy at best, stuttering and pitched a tone higher than normal. "I need to come.. please. " It comes out as a sob, tears streaking down his flushed cheeks, the 'please' added after a pause, like an afterthought. Either way, Seokjin seems satisfied. He reaches to pump his hand around Yoongi's weeping cock in time with his thrusts, hard and fast. At this point he's babbling, a mixture of _so good, so close, it hurts,_ and _more_ all rolled into one.

It only takes a few more thrusts for Yoongi to come, back arching like a bow, lips parted prettily in a silent cry as he clenches down on Seokjin's length. His arms finally collapse from under him, and his chest presses against the cold floor, temperature a stark contrast from his sweaty skin. Seokjin milks him through it, continuously rutting into him until the sounds he makes are pained whimpers as Seokjin chases after his own release. Yoongi's small hips jerk with overstimulation, trying to escape, but also lack the strength to get away, leaving him desperately gasping for air from exertion.

Jin comes a few minutes later, deep inside Yoongi's wrecked hole, and Yoongi can't do much more than to take it, eyes hazy and unfocused, chest heaving against the ground. He feels strangely detached from his body, unreal. _Huh. It's the weirdest sensation_ , Yoongi thinks, his thoughts oddly rational and detached. He doesn't seem to notice when Jin pulls out, taking a few moments to analyze the younger's unmoving form sprawled upon their floor. Jin reaches back to slip a two fingers into Yoongi's ass, feeling the mixture of come and saliva as it drips from the younger's puffy and weak entrance. The squelching sound that comes with the action is obscene, the sensation almost enough to make the younger shift uncomfortably.

Seokjin pulls his fingers out, only to shove them into Yoongi's mouth. Yoongi can't even properly react, instinctively suckling on the elder's digits as is expected of him, despite whatever internal conflict he's feeling. It's gross. Disgusting. Dirty. He wants to puke, but at the same time, he doesn't think he even has the strength to. Seokjin pulls away, standing up to analyze Yoongi properly.

Yoongi doesn't really know how to act. He's not sure if he can muster up the ability to stand quite yet, and even when he does, what is he supposed to do? Go and wash up? Crawl into bed and hide under the blankets? Wipe himself off, put on clothes and shamefully sneak into Jimin's bed to avoid Jin's presence? Even after all this time, his brain will not give him a concrete answer. Sometimes Seokjin will tell him to shower and get out, but at other times he'll force him to lay with him afterwards. All Yoongi knows for certain is that he is filthy, disgusting, and that not even a shower will make him feel clean again.

The endless stream of confliction comes to an abrupt halt when Seokjin lets out a little clucking noise, picking up Yoongi's light body. The younger male himself doesn't respond-- he still feels that detachment, the disassociation, but he vaguely notes Jin grabbing something off the dresser as he carries him out of their shared room and- and- where- oh. The bathroom.

Jin sets Yoongi down on the toilet with a hilariously gentle touch as he begins running bath water, adding a bath oil that leaves the air permeated with a floral mix of rose, peony and bergamot. Normally, Yoongi would appreciate the scent, and while it does soothe his racing mind to an extent, it doesn't help much as much as Seokjin had intended.

He simply waits, barely even blinking when he feels Jin's cooling cum drip from his ass. Were he properly alert, he would have grimaced in disgust, and shifted rather uncomfortably, but he can't bring himself to move. He's not sure why. He knows he has the physical strength to at this point, but his body just.. doesn't want to respond.

"Come on, Yoongi-chi. I'll get you cleaned up." Seokjin's quiet voice cuts through the odd separation in Yoongi's head, and he half has the mind to look up at him. He doesn't. Maybe it's out of spite, or maybe out of fear of looking his hyung in the eyes after such a major betrayal. He's not sure.

Seokjin picks him up, not seeming to mind Yoongi's silence, only gently settling the naked male into the water before stripping himself of his remaining clothing and climbing in behind him.

The water is perfectly warm, and Jin meticulously uses a loofa and a luxuriously scented body wash-the rapper very well recognizes the scent of Seokjin's expensive Jo Malone shower gel that no one in the dorms dares touch- to clean Yoongi's aching body. Jin touches him kindly, softly, as if he were a thing to be treasured.

If it were not for the experience he had just been through, Yoongi would have found the experience pleasant, but considering what had happened minutes before, the change in Jin's treatment of him will always be enough to give him metaphorical whiplash. He never knows what this faze is. An apology? A guilty conscious? Either way, he passively allows himself to be cleansed(Jin isn't doing it enough; Yoongi wants to scrub his skin until it's red and no longer holds any traces of the elder male(he has a feeling nothing will be enough to make him feel clean again)).

It only makes him feel dirtier when Seokjin washes his hair, massaging Yoongi's scalp in a soothing manner with the shampoo their stylists shove at them, insisting it keeps the color of their hair from fading, and the conditioning treatment that comes after isn't any better.

When they're finally clean of come, sweat, and overall daily grime, Seokjin helps Yoongi (who refuses to make eye contact)to his feet. Seokjin doesn't seem to mind, choosing to hum a random melody while rinsing both of their bodies off using the detachable shower head, before wrapping Yoongi up in a big fluffy towel, ushering him towards the sink, where he helps him dry his hair.

"Wash your face, Yoongi." Seokjin instructs him quietly, an unreadable expression on his handsome features. Yoongi silently and uncharacteristically does as he's told, going through the motions and barely even blinking when he accidentally gets foam cleanser is his eye, which would normally have him cursing. Seokjin reaches over and wipes away the stinging foam away from Yoongi's eye area with a gentle thumb. "Your eyes are sensitive and get irritated easily, you should be more careful. And don't forget to tone before essence." The elder sounds chiding, and Jin offers up his own, knowing that Yoongi doesn't own any, having claimed to be too lazy to use toner. It's a lie. Really, Yoongi is just reluctant to go out and actively buy a good, proper toner-- there's so many choices and why buy his own when the others don't care if he borrows theirs? He normally just uses Jimin's, who is more than willing to share with his hyung.

When they both finish their nightly routines-Yoongi's abridged one taking just as long as Seokjin's thanks to his slow, borderline mechanical movements- Seokjin goes out of his way to dress Yoongi in his favorite cute bear underwear and silk pajamas before he clothes himself. Somehow, somewhere deep inside, Yoongi finds himself thankful of the elder's thoughtfulness. He kind of hates himself for that.

He doesn't have much time to mull it over though, because Seokjin herds him back to their room, large hands resting at Yoongi's shoulders. "Let's get some rest." Seokjin murmurs, and while Yoongi veers off to crawl into his respective bed, his wrist is caught by the elder male who pulls him into his own. He stiffens. He doesn't want to sleep in the same bed as the man who had just- just- _assulted_  him, but it's not like he's being given a choice, seeing as Seokjin's grip tightens around him ever so slightly in a way manner that could only be taken as as demand, pretty eyes narrowed dangerously.

He allows himself to fall into bed beside Seokjin, who pulls him under the sheets beside him in a possessive manner. Yoongi feels dwarfed in comparison to his hyung, and vulnerable. _At least,_  he reminds himself, _Seokjin is allowing him to wear pajamas_. He well remembers one of the first times something like this had played out, when Seokjin forced him to fall asleep beside him, cock still inside of his bleeding ass. Yoongi had been bare naked at the time, Seokjin almost fully clothed-- even now, it's not a particularly rare occurrence.

It had been on one of their first weekends off, and the rest of the group had decided to visit family on their measly two days off. Yoongi didn't really think he had much of a family to go back to(he and his parents were still very much at odds concerning his career path), and Seokjin? Yoongi never asked, but he assumed it was the same for his hyung. Then _it_  had happened, and Yoongi had never been more relieved that the kids were out visiting family and doing the things that originally had made him bitterly jealous. After all, it wouldn't do anything but traumatize them to hear his screams. It's better that the younger members hadn't been there at the time. Their old dorm's walls had been terribly thin.

"Jinnie-hyung." His low, raspy voice cracks ever so slightly. It's the first words he's uttered since the.. incident, as he prefers to call it on his head. The word _rape_ , he has been finding, sounds too harsh in his head, even if that was exactly what it was. As much as he hates Seokjin for doing this to him, he can't help but think that in some screwed up manner, he deserves it. It's punishment. Punishment for not doing better, punishment for not being able to finish up in the studio faster, punishment for not being _good enough._  Maybe that's why he doesn't fight Jin as hard as he should to get away, even though he knows it makes him feel worthless and disgusting and dirty. Because it brings him back down to the level that he actually is. Worthless.

On a fundamental level, he knows at least half of it's mind games. He's painfully aware that cruelty followed by saccharine actions as a form of half assed, fake, non-verbal apology is common among.. abusive relationships-he winces at the thought but admittedly has no other term for what _this_ is- however, he can't help but fall for the trick anyway. Seokjin is still Seokjin, most of the time. He's still that awkward, caring Seokjin that likes making dad jokes and cooking, that always makes sure the maknaes are okay even when he's worn down, hell, that makes sure Yoongi himself is okay half the time. It's just- just- sometimes Seokjin _snaps_ , because no one can be a saint.

"Go to sleep, Yoongi-chi. You're going to be exhausted in the morning." Seokjin murmurs, tucking Yoongi under his chin, coddling him like a child. Honestly, Yoongi's not sure if he appreciates it-the shared warmth(stifling heat)- or wants to gut the elder male. Seokjin just starts humming softly, rubbing Yoongi's back, an unseen smile curling on his plush lips. Yoongi only grimaces, and chooses to focus on what Seokjin is humming instead. The sound is soothing, a soft and delicate melody. It takes a while for him to recognize it. Ah. It's the melody of a song Seokjin had once composed, but it was deemed not good enough for one of their albums. However, it sounds a bit.. different. Like it was transposed down a few steps, or put in a different key. Either way, it's familiar. Seokjin has hummed this before, and Yoongi has heard it enough to remember it.

Yoongi's voice is small when he starts to ask, "But Jinnie-hyung, what-"

"Yoongi-chi. Leave it for tomorrow morning." He's immediately cut off. Seokjin's voice has a cold edge to it, demanding whatever Yoongi was going to ask, that the subject be dropped. Yoongi's mouth snaps shut at the command. For tomorrow morning. That's Seokjin-speak for _unless you want to be gagged, shut your mouth_. After all, they never talk about what happens during the night. It's an unspoken rule.

He swallows tightly, lowering his head and his gaze(hiding his face in the elder's chest). He doesn't have the willpower to disobey Seokjin on this. He's so worn down; the longer this-this situation- goes on, the weaker he finds the ability to fight the elder male.

He's not broken, not yet, but he has no idea what the correct response to the situation, and the longer it drags out.. well, he's scared he's going to lose himself. If he reports it, tells anyone, it could ruin Bangtan. This was-is- his dream. He-they all- had fought so hard to debut, had been so damn _desperate_ to stay afloat and push forward in such a competitive and unforgiving business that now that the group is finally starting to see the fruits of their labor, Yoongi would never do anything to jeopardize Bangtan. He would never. Could never. Not even for the sake of his own well-being.

 

Not even for the sake of his sanity.

 

-

 

 

Neither Seokjin nor Yoongi acknowledge the warm tears that stain the front of Seokjin's night shirt.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, everyone's going to be in the next chapter. Originally, this was supposed to be the prologue, but it got far too long. Not to mention, I wanted to show day one instead of just jumping into a few years later like I did in this portion, so it became chapter one instead. Review if you'd be so kind-- and if you want to see something particular in this fic, I'm open to suggestions.


	3. Chapter 2- Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoongi starts to reach a turning point.

"Hyung, you've been out of time all day. What's going on?" Hoseok asks, wiping away sweat beading at his forehead from the strenuous dance practice. Yoongi is sitting with his back to the wall, on the wooden floors, doing his best not to flinch at the concern in the younger male's voice.

"I'm.. I'm just sore, Hoseok. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Yoongi mutters, lowering his gaze. Seokjin really had done a number on him the night before. He had been doing his damn best to hide it, to ignore what had occurred, but apparently he's not as slick as he thought he was being. He curses internally. It's not like he can really be angry at anyone besides himself. He's the one off beat. Hell, even Seokjin and Namjoon are doing better, catching on faster than him today.

"Really hyung? Sore? I know this choreography is a little different from our normal style, but it's not any more strenuous than normal.. you shouldn't be feeling sore." Hoseok points out, sighing. He looks genuinely worried, not just upset at Yoongi's inability to keep up, and it makes him feel a pang a guilt when the younger takes his hands in his, giving them a gentle squeeze. Hoseok, of all people should not have to look at him like this. He has enough on his plate to worry about without having to deal with Yoongi's crap. "Look.. I- Yoongi, I just want you to know that if something's going on, you can tell me. If you're hurting, you don't have to bottle it up."

"Hoseok.. Hobi.." Yoongi's voice cracks ever so slightly, everything threatening to come out, and he weakly grips at the dancer's hands. He has to suppress the sudden urge to throw up. Fuck, he doesn't deserve Hoseok's worry, but at that moment, all of the nasty, truthful words want to come out. That he's sore from getting thrown around and fucked out. That he's not getting sleep since he's living with a growing fear of setting Seokjin off. That he doesn't want any of this. However, Seokjin catches his gaze from across the room, and Yoongi's jaw snaps shut so quickly he nearly bites his tongue. "I just--" He shakes his head. "I guess I'm just building muscles where I've never had any before." He lies thickly. Hoseok blatantly frowns, and Yoongi winces. He knows what the younger is thinking. He's been like this for weeks, months now; today is just worse than normal.

Hoseok must know that he's lying, but he only sighs. Yoongi must look pretty bad; Hoseok's treating him like he's on the verge of a mental breakdown(he might be). "Sit out for the rest of practice, hyung. We only have an hour left." He says, as Jimin, who had been fooling around with their choreography with a giggling Taehyung and a grinning Jungkook makes his way over from the center of the room. Yoongi quickly retracts his hands from Hoseok's.

"You okay, Yoongi-hyung?" Jimin settles himself down beside the two rappers, cocking his head slightly. It feels like his gaze is piercing right through Yoongi. "You've-"

"Been off lately, I know." Yoongi grouches, but it's clear he's more annoyed with himself than he is at Jimin for calling him out. However, Jimin just rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder, offering him a smile. Yoongi is grateful he doesn't pry any further.

"You'll get it down. If you want, I can stay late with you after you collect yourself so we can go over it together and you won't get behind." Despite the protest of his body, Yoongi nods, almost hesitantly. He hates asking for help, not to mention hates admitting that he needs it. The thing is, he also hates not being perfect, and he's so very glad that Jimin knows him well enough to know Yoongi isn't the type to say when he's behind, confused, or just _can't._ Yoongi's honestly surprised that none of the members have noticed that he's been doing anything to get reprieve from Seokjin's presence, but not even Jimin has noticed Yoongi's withdrawal from his roommate.

Well, perhaps Seokjin himself has noticed. Yoongi has noticed how the elder's eyes narrow when Yoongi goes out of his way to subtly avoid him when the cameras are off. However, while the cameras are rolling, they act like nothing has changed, no matter how difficult it is for them. Yoongi's not stupid. He sees that possessive glint in Seokjin's eyes when Yoongi gets too close to others, how he has recently been tactfully inserting himself between Yoongi and everyone, especially Jimin and Hoseok.

"Yoongi-yah. What's going on? Are you alright?" And speak of the devil. Seokjin subtly shoulders Hoseok out of the way to crouch next to Yoongi, playing the part of the concerned hyung. Yoongi grits his teeth, suppressing the urge to snap at Seokjin to go away.

"I'm taking a break for the rest of today's practice." He mutters, turning his head to look at Jimin(anywhere but Seokjin). "My body hurts." He can't help but sound slightly bitter. It's Seokjin's fault, after all. Or maybe it was his own for provoking Seokjin in the first place. He doesn't really know anymore.

"I'm going to be helping him afterwards though, just so that he can stay on top of everything." _No. No, Jimin, please stop talking._  Yoongi internally curses when Jin cocks his head, a pondering expression on his handsome face. Unfortunately, he can't tell if Seokjin is angry or not, and that causes him to shrink back ever so slightly.

"Jiminie, can I stay too? I think I could use some extra time with this choreography, I've been having a few issues with the steps around Yoongi-chi's part." Seokjin inquires, a purely genuine expression plastered across his features, and Yoongi's blood runs cold. Seokjin is angry. He can feel it in his bones. Seokjin is a master at faking emotions, expressions.

If he weren't, everyone would have long ago realized that Seokjin doesn't just terrifyingly loose his temper once in a blue moon. He takes it out on Yoongi more often than he can count, and tonight, well, he's hoping Seokjin will forget his anger by the time they're alone tonight. Yoongi wants to tell Jimin to tell Seokjin no. He wants to scream a negative, and he's hoping, down to the core of his entire being that Jimin will turn down the elder. Unfortunately, a part of him already knows(is resigned) to what the outcome will be. Jimin always has been too kind for his own good.

"Sure hyung! That portion is a bit more difficult, so I totally understand." Jimin smiles warmly, completely unaware of the danger in front of him. "Hey, Hobi-hyung, wanna stay behind with us, or are you going to hole yourself away in the studio again?"

Hoseok only smiles faintly, but to Yoongi's trained eye, it looks more like a grimace than anything genuine. "Well, I do want to be able to put out my mixtape eventually. I think Armys are getting impatient with me." Yoongi's expression goes sympathetic. Hoseok really has been stressing out about that, and Yoongi understands the feeling.

"Do what you need to then. We'll manage." Yoongi replies, Jimin echoing him. He's been in Hoseok's position, and sometimes slaving over their work is the only way to soothe over the feeling. He moves to give Hoseok's hand a reassuring squeeze, only to stop himself when he notices the way Seokjin is looking at them. He doesn't want to push the elder any farther than he's certain he already has. Instead, he allows his hand to fall to Hoseok's thigh instead. "Don't forget to take care of yourself and come back at a reasonable time though." He adds, a warning in his tone. "Or I'll drag you from the studio myself, the way you did me."

Hoseok laughs, and there's that smile that brightens up the entire room. Yoongi can feel both himself relaxing at the sight(he's always been a bit soft for his dongsaengs, after all). "I won't forget, hyung." Hoseok promises him, and Yoongi returns the smile.

"Good."  
__

The rest of practice is uneventful. On the other hand, once the after practice catch-up begins, so does the frustration. Yoongi.. he just _can't_. His body doesn't want to move the way it's supposed to, or at the right tempo. It hurts. Jimin is plain and simply babying him at this point, and it makes him want to rip his hair out. The younger male is patiently coaching him through every step, giving corrections, and while Yoongi knows on a normal day he could do this with relative ease, not being able to get it _now_ is killing him. He feels hurt and clumsy and useless.

Seokjin, however, seems to have improved at a decent rate(Yoongi wonders if he actually needed help with that particular part in the first place). After maybe an hour of practice, Seokjin had it down to be best of his ability, but instead of leaving, he choose to sit down by the mirror and watch Jimin's progress with Yoongi. Yoongi hates the fact that Seokjin is watching him. He's sweaty and breathless and he feels disgusting. All he can do right now is screw up, and Seokjin is smiling at him like nothing is wrong. _Everything is wrong and he can't fucking fix it, so why the **fuck** is Seokjin smiling at him?_

He's angry, tired and exhausted, and through it all, it's getting harder to breathe, and even as he dances, going through the motions, everything just crashes down all at once. He doesn't even realize he's crying, struggling for breath until Jimin has physically stopped him from dancing by putting his hands on his shoulders, before reaching out to wipe away the warm, wet tears that are rolling down his pale cheeks. It's hard to do anything while he's gasping for air like a man drowning, and when his weak legs finally collapse from underneath him, his dongsaeng is there to catch him and guide him to the floor.

"Hyung? Hyung! Hyung, what's wrong? I'm sorry-- I didn't meant to push you too far with the dance-- I-" Ah. Jimin sounds panicked, and Yoongi vaguely notes Seokjin shouldering Jimin out of the way, spitting out a uncharacteristically harsh, _'Shut up, Jimin.'_

"Yoongi-yah.. look at me; can you do that?" Seokjin's voice sounds disconnected, calm, but slightly concerned all the same. Yoongi's chest is heaving, and he can't even bring himself to flinch at Seokjin's touch when the elder reaches for him to put a gentle hand on top of his own. However, he feels himself obeying, raising his bleary gaze to meet Seokjin's.

"Good boy." Yoongi nearly preens at the praise coming from Seokjin's lips, and he internally curses himself. What is he doing? "Now tell me, Yoongi-yah. Can I get you anything?" Seokjin's tone is calm and steady, and it draws Yoongi closer. Even so, it takes him a while to calm the gasping breaths that wrack his entire frame to manageable levels.

"Water." He croaks weakly, quickly adding, "..please," when he realizes his mistake. Seokjin never takes well to demands, and he breathes a trembling sigh of relief when the elder slowly threads his long fingers through Yoongi's dyed hair, silently showing that he is pleased with how the rapper is responding to him, that Yoongi is doing the right thing. Yoongi wants to be good.

Jimin, on the other hand, shoots to his feet. It figures he's the one to have brought an extra water bottle. He quickly grabs the bottle from his bag, rushing back to hand it to Seokjin. The elder nods without saying a word, observing Yoongi for a while longer. Once he deems the rapper fit to drink without choking, he breaks the seal of the bottle and lifts it to Yoongi's lips.

Yoongi drinks, frail, bony hands reaching to take the water bottle from Seokjin. He's not a kid-- he is perfectly capable of drinking water without aid. Seokjin allows him to take it, but he raises an eyebrow, as if asking if Yoongi is sure. He's confused for a moment, and he stops drinking, opens his mouth to ask why and- oh. He sees now. His hands are shaking.

"Hyung." Jimin carefully reaches for the water bottle, capping it when Yoongi's trembling hands are insufficient in closing it properly. He's acting cautious, as if one wrong movement, a wrong word, will shatter break the awkward calm that's settled over them. "Are you okay?" _No. Nothing's okay. Nothing will ever be okay ever again_. He keeps his mouth shut tightly, in case the words try to escape his lips. Instead, he nods silently. He's _fine_. At least, that's what he continuously tries to tell himself as his breathing and heartbeat ease out into a steady tempo.

"I.. I'm good." He finally croaks out after getting a hold on himself, though he shivers in a cold sweat, and the acutely concerned look that crosses Seokjin's stupid face makes him burst out into unstoppable, hysterical laughter. Gold. Seokjin's acting is pure gold. It's fucking hilarious. It makes him want to puke. It makes him sick. Jimin is wearing the exact same expression, but at least Yoongi knows his worry is genuine. He attempts to shove down the giggles in his throat, if only to console Jimin.

Yoongi knows he must look like a madman, tears stains on his blotchy alabaster cheeks, shoulder shaking with restrained laughter on the floor of their practice room. He's never been so glad that Hoseok turned down aiding them with dance. It's bad enough that Jimin is here to see his indifferent mask break down into a million little fragments. It would be even more humiliating to have Hoseok here too(not to mention Hoseok is busy and should not have to worry about Yoongi and his bullshit).

Now, if it were only Seokjin here, that would be a different story. Yoongi wouldn't bother trying to suppress his hysteria. Seokjin deserves to worry, after what he's done to him. Yoongi wants him to worry(he's not delusional, he knows Seokjin doesn't, wouldn't, but Yoongi _wants_ him to all the same). After all, Seokjin deserves anxiety, stress. Seokjin doesn't deserve for Yoongi to care about what he thinks.

Yoongi hates him. Hates him for everything. For making him want to rip his hair out, for making him stressed, scared, for hurting him. Yoongi just wants to be good. He can't be good when Seokjin does this to him, breaks down his body in a way he can no longer function properly.

"Hey, hyung. You still here?" Jimin waves a careful hand in front of Yoongi's eyes, and he blinks, eyes focusing on the younger male. He had zoned out again, and he sighs.

"Yeah Jiminie. I'm here. I'm fine." He sighs, climbing to his feet despite the weakness in his legs. "Let's keep going?" He suggests, carefully evening out his voice, but both Seokjin and Jimin shake their heads.

"You're not going anywhere but home, Min Yoongi." Seokjin states, crossing his arms seriously, and Yoongi sighs in resignation as Jimin agrees with the elder vocalist. He can't fight either of them. For different reasons, obviously, so he verbalizes his surrender.

The way back home is a long one.  
___

He curls up on the couch as soon as they get to the dorms, having toddled to his room, grabbed his favorite blanket and wrapped himself up in it on the way back to the living room. In the beginning, he would avoid the couch, living room areas in general, and his own bedroom, thanks to the bad memories of where everything began. Now, however, bad memories are attributed to almost everywhere in the dorms. He can't escape it anymore, except for in other members' rooms, and he's honestly feeling like his dongsaengs are getting tired of him seeking refuge in their rooms, even if no one is saying anything.

It's him who's the problem. He's the one disrupting the peace, but none of the younger members want to tell him to his face. A tightness settles into his chest, but all he does is burrow further into the blanket, staring off into space.

"Yoongi-hyung." Namjoon's gentle voice cuts through the silence. Yoongi raises his head to look at his gentle, seemingly world-weary leader. "Come eat. You've barely had anything all day." Yoongi's soft, sleepy expression turns into a faint grimace. He's not hungry. He hasn't been for months. Their stylists have been commenting on his weight loss, noticing his clothes are getting too big, but he doesn't think that any of the members had noticed. Except maybe Seokjin, who sees his bare body often enough, but he's never commented.

Namjoon, the observant fucker he is, sees the reluctance in Yoongi's tired eyes. "If you eat a whole, proper serving of hyung's cooking, I'll let you sleep in my room with me tonight." Namjoon says with a sigh, and- oh. The light that flickers across Yoongi's face at the offer dulls quickly. Namjoon is tolerating him, just like the others-- Yoongi sees that resignation in his leader's exhausted expression. He's bribing him to do what he wants, because he's worried. Yoongi is tired of making people worry.

He musters up the willpower to drag himself off the couch, keeping the blanket swaddled around himself like a cocoon as he shuffles towards the dining area. _It's for them_. He reminds himself as he sits down at their small table with the rest of the group(minus Hoseok, who hasn't returned from the studio). For them. It's for them when he sits down with Taehyung on his left and Seokjin on his right when all he wants to do is lay down and not move for three days straight. It's for them when he allows Namjoon to put what the younger deems a proper serving on Yoongi's plate and it's for them when he forces himself to swallow down the food when his gag reflex makes him want to retch.

Their eyes are all on him. No one has specifically addressed him since dinner began besides Taehyung, but he can feel it. Even through Taehyung's moments where he starts talking enthusiastically to everyone at the table before falling silent, Jungkook's faint amusement and playful hit to Tae's shoulder, engaging the bright boy into a proper conversation just the two of them with Jimin interjecting things more often than not.. well. Yoongi can tell that most everyone is more focused on him. There's something in the air that betrays the normalcy that is painfully forced.

Everyone is shooting him careful glances, though he's almost certain their actions are subconscious. Well, except for Taehyung, who has been treating him like normal-- occasionally addressing him, asking him small things(Yoongi answers him in grunts), but at a fraction of the amount he calls out the others. Yoongi isn't sure if it's because Taehyung knows Yoongi hates being the center of attention, or if it's because he's oblivious. He'd guess on the first though-- Taehyung might be odd at times, but he is far from unaware.

However, the words from everyone else, when they speak to him, the sentences are slow and cautious, like they're afraid he's going to snap at any moment. It's frustrating. He was just in a bad mood earlier-- it's not like he's going to go and throw himself in to moving traffic or anything at the drop of a hat if something happens. He's really tired of all this tip toeing around him. He's not fragile.

"..when's Hobi-hyung coming back home?" Taehyung asks quietly, cocking his head as he asks no one in particular. No one answers. After all, none of them know. Sometimes Hoseok comes back before one o'clock. Sometimes he doesn't come back at all.

"I'll go get him if it gets out of hand and he works too long." Yoongi gets surprised looks as he speaks up for the first time since the meal had started. He wants to scream. He's fine, damnit. He's not glass. He just wants everyone to go back to normal again.

"Yoongi-yah, are you sure?" Seokjin inquires, brows furrowed on his gentle face, and Yoongi sees as Namjoon quickly jumps onto Seokjin's words.

"Hyung, you didn't exactly have the best day, yeah? I can go instead. You should sleep tonight." Their leader states, voice low in what is supposed to be reassuring but only betrays Namjoon's worry. Yoongi straight up scoffs. Of course. Namjoon has remembered he offered Yoongi his bed tonight-- this is his way of getting away from his promise. Or maybe it's to impress Seokjin with his caretaker abilities; Yoongi doesn't fucking know. Or care. It's probably both.

(He's lying to himself. He cares. A lot.)

"Don't bother. I'll do it." Yoongi replies irritably, pursing his lips in annoyance. Everyone just stares at him, emotions on their faces ranging from concern to borderline panic. It takes him a moment to realize his hands are clenched into fists on the table, visible for all to see, and his heart is racing inside his chest.

Taehyung reaches for Yoongi's fist, removing it from the table. "Hyung." He murmurs, gently opening his hyung's clammy hand, lacing their fingers together, running his thumb soothingly across the back of Yoongi's thumb and hand underneath the table. It's oddly calming, and he finds himself able to relax. Or at least, as much as he can when the rest of the group are looking at him like he's going to snap any moment. "It's alright-- you can be the one to bring back Hobi-hyung for me. Thank you."

Taehyung's low voice is far from the high volume he normally does anything at, and Yoongi nods without even thinking about it. He can do it. He wants to do it. He wants to be useful. Namjoon can piss off with his stupid need to please Seokjin; Yoongi is going to do what needs to be done for their second youngest maknae's peace of mind.

"Of course." He mumbles just as quietly, suddenly feeling Jin's eyes zeroing in on his and Taehyung's interlaced hands.

"Are you sure, Yoongi-yah?" Seokjin asks, cocking his head, plush lips pursing faintly. Yoongi's fingers twitch slightly, and Taehyung subtly raises an eyebrow at him, barely visible through his bangs.

Yoongi nods, ignoring Taehyung. His dongsaeng is asking a silent question that would be better off unanswered. "Yeah, hyung. I got it." He mutters, taking a sip of his water with his free hand in order to do.. something. Anything. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing; he just feels uncomfortable. He uses his chopsticks to shove a wrap into his mouth. Somehow, it's easier to swallow now that he's eating to avoid speaking.

____

It's fucking late. Too late for this. It's ass o'clock in the night and Hoseok is still not home. Well, actually, it's five o'clock. Late enough to be considered morning, and he's still awake, staring at his laptop on the floor in the living room, trying to get some work done(avoiding Seokjin) but only remembering Taehyung's sad tone when asking about Hoseok. He misses him too. They all do. Except Seokjin; Yoongi will never knows what are genuine emotions from Seokjin and what's his act. He probably never will.

"That's it. I can't wait anymore." Yoongi mutters under his breath, passively aggressively slamming his laptop down on the couch cushion. He doesn't bother changing, instead grabs the leftovers from dinner, microwaves them, throws on a pair of slippers and stomps out the door.

He heads to the studio grumpily, a subconscious pout on his lips, upset. Hadn't Hoseok promised him? Promised him to take care of himself, to not stay out too late.

Fuck. Yoongi has let this go on for far too long. Hoseok needs a fucking reminder of what self-care looks like, because it's definitely not locking himself away in the studio secluded from human life for hours on end. Sure, Yoongi does it too, but that's different. He does it in hopes of Seokjin being asleep when he gets back. Besides, despite how much he loves his group mates, Yoongi likes to have his alone time. Hoseok is a people person, even at his grumpiest of times. Hoseok isn't like Yoongi.

Opening the door to the studio, Yoongi listens quietly. There's the telltale sound of tapping computer keys and beats, and a defeated groan.

"Hobi." He offers the younger male the container of food. "You didn't come home for dinner." He states quietly as Hoseok gestures vaguely for him to put the food to the side.

"I ate." Hoseok replies distractedly playing a G minor chord, and Yoongi frowns. Hoseok is lying.

"Hobi, don't give me that shit. There aren't any wrappers in your trash can."

"You haven't even looked!"

"I don't need to." Yoongi retorts, knowing that he's not wrong. Hoseok never eats while having been shut away in the studio for hours. Today is no different. "Now eat and come home."

Hoseok glares blatantly at him, scoffing.

"What are you; my mother?" Yoongi's fists clench in anger at Hoseok's biting words, and he does his best to keep his tempter even. Despite his best efforts, he knows his emotions have been displayed on his face.

"Do I look like a woman to you, Jung Hoseok?" He replies, low voice pitching up slightly, tone also betraying his distress. Hoseok doesn't answer instead giving Yoongi that rare but deadly unamused expression that chills him to the bones(it kind of reminds him of Seokjin).

"Get your ass up. We're going home." Yoongi snarls through grit teeth, trying another tactic. It's for Hoseok's own good. Hoseok needs rest. Hoseok needs to come home. Yoongi.. Yoongi misses him.

"Absolutely not. I'm not leaving! I have to finish this piece." Hoseok is snappish, and Yoongi does his best to not recoil at the sharpness in the younger male's tone as Hoseok taps away at the keyboard of the computer. G major.

"You promised Jimin and I you'd come home at a reasonable time!" Yoongi cries out, before steeling himself. He takes a shuddering breath.

"Hobi-- please, you've locked yourself away for hours, you need to come home and eat something, get some sleep." Yoongi tries, desperately. He's done what Hoseok is doing, and it's really not okay. Hoseok is going to wear himself out. He can't handle the hours locked away in a small room the way Yoongi can.

"Hyung, I told you. I'm busy." Hoseok replies impatiently, foot tapping against the ground in an agitated manner. Yoongi winces but opens his mouth to protest. Hoseok is athletic, he's a dancer, he needs sustenance and rest. He can't just neglect his health like this--

 _"Look, if that's all you came here to say, hyung, you can get the fuck out."_   Hoseok interrupts whatever Yoongi was trying to say, giving him a frigid glare. Despite knowing that Hoseok is stressed, strung out thanks to his upcoming mixtape, isn't thinking, it still stings, because looking at the livid expression on Hoseok's face, he _means_  it. Yoongi recoils, a multitude of expressions crossing over his features before settling on hurt.

"I- I'll be going then." He barely manages to croak out, throat suddenly too tight for speech, and he turns on his heel to leave the room at top speed. He's not fast enough to miss Hoseok's mutter of _'thank god'_  as he exits, and it feels like something inside of him is breaking. He's only being a burden.  
___

He fumbles with the key, taking him a while to get it into the door. Once he gets it open, he stumbles inside and towards his bedroom in a daze, distracted. He's not sure why Hoseok's words hurt so much. He doesn't(shouldn't) give a shit. But he does, and he hates himself for it. It feels like there's a weight on his chest, and his eyes itch like he's going to cry.

He forces the tears away, stifles the sob that threatens to leave his throat. He glances to his bed. It's cold. Empty. And he's sure as hell not going to bother Namjoon at this time, even if the younger male had(reluctantly) offered to share a bed. He doesn't want to piss off anyone else tonight and he doesn't want to disturb the maknaes by sneaking into their room to hide away. They're too young for all of this and need all the rest they can get.

Closing his eyes for a short moment and steeling his nerves, Yoongi forces himself to face Seokjin's sleeping form. It was him or nothing. Logic screams at him to just go to his own damn bed and suck it up, that this is the stupidest idea he's ever had, that he's being ridiculous for even debating this, that the answer is obvious, but the little part of him, the part of him that is insecure and scared and desires human touch wins out.

He finds himself moving towards Seokjin's bed, crawling on top of the covers and curling up beside the elder male, back towards the vocalist's prone form. The mattress creaks loudly as his shifts around, trying to get comfortable, and he freezes. That in and of itself is enough to wake his hyung, and despite what he'd like to say, something akin to fear grips at his heart.

"Yoongi-yah?" Seokjin utters quietly voice low with sleep, and Yoongi knows exactly what face the elder is making without even having to turn around. He's dead certain that Seokjin's face is puffy and looking half asleep, features morphing into a subconscious look of disgust. His eyebrows are probably furrowed too, underneath his bangs.

"Jinnie-hyung." He rasps, and he stiffens up when suddenly Seokjin starts pushing him towards the edge of the bed. Oh god- he- he's going to be punished- Seokjin is not happy- he-

"Get off, Yoongi-yah. It's cold on top of the blankets." Seokjin states bluntly, interrupting him and sounding a lot more awake. Yoongi scrambles off like he's going to be hit. He doesn't dare look at Seokjin, retreating towards his own bed. "Hey, calm down. Where are you going?"

The uncharacteristic softness in this Seokjin's voice has Yoongi's head snapping around to look at his hyung. Oh. _Oh_. Seokjin is lifting the covers for him to join him. He hesitantly toddles over, and Seokjin offers Yoongi a reassuring smile.

"I'm not mad, Yoongi-yah. Come on, you need to get some sleep." Seokjin coaxes him, and he finds himself following the gentle command, crawling into Seokjin's bed, oddly, no longer hesitating.

Seokjin's arms, which have gotten slightly more muscular over the years, wrap around Yoongi's small waist, pulling him close. He allows himself to go limp in Jin's hold. To his surprise, he almost feels safe.

"Hobi wouldn't listen to me." He blurts out suddenly, eyes widening when he realizes what he's done, but his mouth keeps talking. "Told me to get the fuck out.. why was he so angry at me? I just want him to be healthy.." His words are small, insecure, followed by a dry sob he wouldn't have been able to suppress if he tried. "He's gonna run himself into the ground, Jinnie-hyung. Gonna crash and burn. Why wouldn't he listen to me?" Seokjin only sighs, tracing small circles on Yoongi's back.

"Leave him be, Yoongi-yah." Seokjin hushes him, and while the words sound innocent enough, Yoongi swears he hears a hint of a threat in the elder's voice. It's the self preservation that he has that he has him nodding obediently. "He'll come around eventually."

"I hope." He whispers as Seokjin pulls him closer, sharing their body heat. He hates that it almost feels.. safe. Almost. Either way, however, it's warm. Seokjin is warm. Yoongi closes his eyes, and drifts off. 

____

  

"Don't worry, Yoongi-yah." Seokjin whispers, a slow, pleased smile crossing his lips, and he tightens his hold as sleeping male shifts in his grasp. He presses a kiss to the top of Yoongi's head as the rapper subconsciously snuggles closer. "I'll talk to Hoseok for you."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This chapter kind of wrote itself; I didn't know where it was going until it was finished. Reviews make me happy, so if you want to say something about the way it's going, so far, or want to see something, feel free! Please?


	4. Chapter 3- Illusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things only start to go further downhill.

They're in the middle of the kitchen when it happens. The straight up force of the backhand that Seokjin hits him with sends Yoongi reeling, hand clasped over his cheek where he had been hit. "You just hit me." He says dumbly. He's in shock. Seokjin has never hit him in the face before. Nothing besides a slap that had been meant to be degrading, not injuring. Everything with injuring intent has always been below the neck. To, you know, avoid problems with the fans and all.

"Go to your room, Yoongi." Seokjin snarls in response, pacing in front of him angrily. "And don't you dare come out until I say you can."

Yoongi turns on his heel and obeys as fast humanly possibly, the look on his face a mix of fear and fury. It's getting worse. How could he have let it get so bad in the first place? (Yoongi, for all his posturing, is a coward). Seokjin has been more prone to annoyance and angry outbursts lately, and while Yoongi has been slowly figuring out the things that set him off, it's been trial and error. Clearly, considering what had occurred seconds ago.

He shuts the door quietly when he makes it to their room, locking it behind him. It might anger Seokjin further, but it also might protect him until the others set home. He'll hide in bed with someone tonight. He sighs quietly. He hates to do that, knowing he's inconveniencing his members, but sometimes he just can't handle it anymore.

He doesn't even know what he did wrong this time! He grabs for his Kumamon plush he had gotten from a fan meet, curling his small frame around it. He sighs, not wanting to move. His cheek still aches, and when he lifts his hand to touch it, it feels swollen and painful. What did he do to deserve this one?

With a small grunt, he reaches for his phone that had been resting on his bedside table, and he turns on the front camera, in order to assess the damage done. His eyes widen. He hadn't been wrong. His right cheek is puffy, and his pale skin vibrantly showcases the dappling purple color of a quickly forming bruise.

Shit. What is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to cover this crap up? It's not like he can call a makeup noona to help him cover up the repercussions of pissing off Seokjin. Not only would it inconvenience them(the noonas have their own lives too, after all), but the other members.. they'll ask questions if they see such a big mark on his face. Sure, he bruises easily, but there's no believable excuse he can give to the kids that would be believable. Not when he looks as if he had been assaulted.

Switching to the default Internet Explorer on his phone, he begins his research. _Missha, Clio, Skin79, Pony Effect, Laneige, Holika Holika, Peripera, The Saem, Troiareuke.._ he meticulously reads massive amounts of extensive reviews through and through. It takes him a good two hours, but after he's done, he makes a hesitant decision. Fuck. Is this really a good idea? He doesn't know, but he doesn't have anything else to turn to.

Taking a deep breath, he debates with himself for a moment longer, before he dials a memorized number. As it rings, familiar anxiety bubbles up inside his chest. What if he doesn't answer? What if Yoongi's bothering him? What if he's interrupting something?

"Hyung." The voice on the line sounds surprised. Yoongi tries not to wince at the tinny way the voice is transferred over the phone. He hates phone calls for a reason(not just for the feeling that appears while in that liminal state before someone either answers or you go to voicemail). "I thought you'd be catching up on sleep before practice."

"Jiminie." He wills his voice steady. "Would you mind dropping by a road shop and buying me a cushion compact and concealer?" He asks, unable to keep the awkwardness from his voice. "Preferably high coverage."

"Oh, um.. sure." Jimin's voice is tainted with confusion. Yoongi can tell that the vocalist is dying to ask why he's suddenly interested in makeup, but Jimin, bless his heart, refrains from interrogating him, even if the questions are on the tip of his tongue.

"Thanks Jiminie. I owe you one." Yoongi lets out a soft breath of relief, a small smile fluttering across his lips.

"No problem, hyung." Jimin replies, before pausing, distracted. "Oh- and Taetae and Jungkookie say hi." He adds, an amusedly fond tone in his voice. Yoongi chuckles weakly.

"Tell them hyung misses them." He murmurs, and Yoongi can hear in the younger's voice that he has realized that something is off.

"You'll be home when we get back, right?" Jimin inquires, and Yoongi sighs.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be in hyung and my room." He states, before deciding that he doesn't want to handle this anymore. "Thanks again. See you when you get home." He says quickly, hanging up before Jimin says anything else. Yoongi doesn't want to have to raise any more suspicions than he already has.

Wrapping himself up in the blankets on his bed, he opens a private file on his phone and begins typing.

_______

"Yoongi-hyung, we're home!" Jimin's voice resounds through the borderline empty dorm as he knocks on the door to Yoongi and Jin's shared room, and Jungkook and Taehyung's normally loud banter is oddly nonexistent. It makes Yoongi slightly uncomfortable. He throws his phone down on the bed and scrambles for the door as Jimin presses on the doorknob, only to find the room locked.

He rattles it worriedly, but Yoongi quickly unlocks it, peeking out from behind it, refusing to reveal the whole of his face. "Jiminie." He mumbles, reaching for the small bag that holds the makeup. Jimin, the little devil, pulls his hand back.

"Ah, ah. What's up with you sudden need for this, hyung?" Jimin questions, and Yoongi's mind races, and he lowers his gaze, as if embarrassed. Shit. Shit. What's he supposed to say?

"I-uh.." He shifts uncomfortably. "I just.. have been feeling particularly subconscious about my looks lately." He lies, hoping Jimin would believe him. After all, he never exactly has been confident in his looks and everyone in the group knows it. It's a plausible reason for wanting makeup, right? "Thought it might help boost me up a bit."

Jimin's face softens. "Oh hyung." He sighs, handing over the bag of makeup with a sad smile. "You're fine the way you are." He says, and Yoongi offers him one in return. It's a bit of a hesitant, maybe a little of a crooked smile, but it's the best he can offer at the moment.

"We'll see. Or maybe I can feel pretty off stage for once." He lies, a look of something unreadable on his face. Jimin nods faintly.

"You're handsome even without makeup, Yoongi-hyung." Taehyung interjects out of nowhere, and Yoongi recoils in pure shock. When had he gotten there? Jungkook nods his agreement though, right behind Taehyung, and Yoongi blinks, a faint smile on his lips.

"Thanks, Taehyungie." He whispers.

That's when Jungkook pipes up rather randomly, "By the way, hyung, do you know why Jin-hyung is pacing around out in the kitchen looking like he's going to murder someone?" He asks, and Yoongi wills himself not to flinch.

"Maybe he's annoyed with a recipe gone wrong?" He offers hesitantly, shrinking back a little more behind his door. "I don't know, Kook. Why don't you ask him after he's cooled off?" He tilts his head, before narrowing his eyes, mannerisms changing. "And you three-- don't mention the makeup to anyone, yeah?"

Jimin looks resigned as he nods in agreement, Jungkook seems vaguely.. well, Yoongi can't exactly read his expression though it certainly isn't pleased, but he like Jimin, nods. Taehyung on the other hand, replies with a gentle, "It'll be our secret, hyung," and Yoongi breathes out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks." He mutters, before closing the door and locking it behind him. He quickly unwraps the cushion and concealer from the bag(noting the brand Clio and the words _Kill Cover_ stamped across the front), before taking note of the free skincare samples and makeup wipes that were thrown into the bag. He hides those away in the drawer of his bedside table along with the complimentary cushion refill, before sitting down in front of the mirror that Jin often uses to primp himself.

He carefully opens the cushion compact, peeling away the protective plastic seal that keeps the cushion fresh, before awkwardly picking up the cushion puff. He looks to it, to the cushion, and cautiously presses the puff into the product. He flips the puff over curiously, trying to see if he's gotten enough of the foundation to apply, and after pressing the puff in a few more times(coating it, just to make sure), he begins patting it into the skin.

Well, he tries swiping it on first, but it looks streaky and.. weird. Admittedly, after that, he actually looked to the directions for use before managing to find the most effective and natural methods of applying it. It's a little trickier to get the hang of than he expected, and he quickly learns that not even a soft cushion puff can avoid causing pain when going over bruised skin.

Even so, he continues on, if not a bit gentler around the delicate areas of his face, doing his best not to whimper every time the puff touches the bruised areas. Fuck that hurts. He checks his skin in the mirror. There are still hints of bruises peeking through the makeup. He mutters a curse under his breath, thankful he had asked for concealer as well, which he opens, looking at the little pot of flesh toned cream.

He sighs. At least the maknaes had managed to get the correct skin tone to match his complexion. Using his fingers, he dips into the pot, dabbing the concealer onto the places where the bruise is still visible with occasionally sharp exhales of pain. He keeps going anyway, taking the cushion puff again to blend the concealer's texture and edges into the foundation.

All in all, it takes him about twenty minutes, but when he finally backs away from the mirror, he breathes a sigh of relief. It looks as if he had never been hit in the first place. If anything, his skin just looks.. nice. Nice and flawless and he can almost see why some girls and guys wear makeup on the daily.

  
He's never seen makeup like this before-- normally he just takes it as sitting in a chair with the makeup noonas poking his face with their brushes and making his eyes water. And Seokjin's hands on his face, gently helping him put in the hellish contacts their stylists want them to wear, but he prefers to pretend like that doesn't happen.

Yoongi wipes the makeup off his hands with a tissue, before closing up the concealer pot and the cushion compact and throwing them into his bag that he keeps everything in(from his laptop, notebooks and pens to his water bottle, mini first-aid kit, personal hygiene products, and now, his makeup). He runs a tired hand through his hair, suddenly exhausted. He just feels drained, emotionally. He's not sure why.

He shuffles towards the door, intending to search out Taehyung for some company(he's the only one Yoongi trusts to not notice anything weird and get unnecessarily worried about him), but he freezes once he gets there and his hand hovers above the doorknob. No. He can't. Seokjin said he can't leave his room until he's allowed. He's not allowed yet. Seokjin has to give the word, and he hasn't yet. Somehow, he has a feeling that he won't be escaping the solitude until it's time to leave for practice.

___________

  
He was right. It's been three more hours when Seokjin finally rattles the doorknob, trying to open it, only to find it locked.

"Get up, we need to get going already!" Seokjin calls, and Yoongi does his best to not grit his teeth in annoyance.

"I'm coming, hyung." He mumbles, shambling towards the door once he grabs his bag from off the floor beside his bed. He's painfully conscious of the sound of the cushion compact and the concealer rolling around at the bottom of it, even as he opens the door, allowing Seokjin-who needs to grab his own things from practice- into their room.

"Yoongi-ah.." Seokjin states his name in an unreadable manner, and Yoongi can't quite help but flinch and cower slightly. The elder is staring at his face far too intensely to be comfortable. He's almost waiting for another hit.

"..hyung?" He inquires when the pain never comes, but Seokjin doesn't say anything more. Instead, he just brushes past him, grabbing his practice bag from where he keeps it in the closet.

"Go and wait in the van, Yoongi. Don't talk to anyone unless it's the manager hyungs that ask you something. You can answer them." Seokjin instructs, that familiar glint in his eye. At this point, Yoongi knows better than to disobey. He flees the room at top speed, going straight to the van that's waiting for them.

Hoseok's there, talking to Jimin and Jungkook in the very back of the van with Taehyung every so often interjecting something as he looks up from his phone, so Yoongi sits in the row closest to the driver's seat beside Namjoon. If he sat back there, they'd want to talk to him. Hoseok will probably want to _talk_ to him. He doesn't want to(can't) handle that right now, and Seokjin had told him to keep his mouth shut.

Yoongi normally would find something in him that wants to rebel against commands, but more than anything, he wants to avoid a repeat of earlier that day. After all, Seokjin will find out if he disobeys. Seokjin always finds out, and Yoongi just wants to be good. Well. He just wants to to survive the day, and that requires being good.

It's only a few more moments before Seokjin joins them in the van, nodding to the manager-hyung that they're all ready to go. Yoongi keeps his head down and his mouth closed the whole ride. When Namjoon gently nudges him, as if to ask if something's wrong, he shakes his head. Normally, he'd say later, and allow himself the luxury of unloading his worries into the air in the reprieve of their studio. Normally, he'd let Namjoon take some of his burdens of his shoulders.

This time, he can't. Won't. Forgetting the fact that Seokjin wants him to remain silent, just.. dumping his problems on Namjoon is unfair. As leader, Namjoon already has enough to worry about. Besides, Yoongi's fairly certain that if the other rapper found out what truly weighed on Yoongi's mind besides what is becoming crippling anxiety, Namjoon would never want to talk to him again. Who would want to socialize with the guy who's unwillingly getting fucked by the one you're attracted to? No one, of course. He makes a little scoffing sound in the back of his throat.

Besides, as sad as it is, Yoongi needs him. He needs him by his side the way he does the rest of Bangtan. Without them, he would have crumbled to smithereens long ago. He would never drive Namjoon away by revealing what's actually going on behind closed doors. Namjoon adores their eldest hyung. Yoongi could could never shatter his illusion.

With that in mind, it's better if he does as Seokjin's tells him to and keeps his mouth shut.

Because of that, he remains silent throughout the ride and practice. It's not that hard, really. They're all focused on dancing, and, thank fuck, his body is more willing to move with his will today. Sure, it hurts, but it's not enough to actually hinder his abilities. It's only two hours later when Hoseok calls for a break, that things start to go downhill.

"Yoongi-hyung." Yoongi's head snaps up when he hears Hoseok say his name. There's an instinctively alarmed look that crosses his face for a short moment before he manages to smooth out expression. Shit. Maybe he actually had been lagging behind.

He glances to Seokjin, who's watching from across the room, and his blood runs cold as their gazes lock. _'Don't you dare.'_  Seokjin mouths silently and subtly at him, and Yoongi lowers his head in acceptance, snagging his water from his bag to take a gulp or two. He ignores Hoseok.

Bad idea, but it would be even worse to disobey thir eldest hyung. Yoongi has no intentions of being pinned against the floor tonight. "Hyung." Hoseok states, more assertively this time. Yoongi slowly turns his head in the opposite direction. "Don't you avoid me, Min Yoongi." Yoongi grinds his teeth together. Why can't Hoseok leave him be? It'd be safer. Probably for both of them-- Yoongi has noticed Seokjin has becoming more passive aggressive towards other members lately. "You're being real childish, you know?" Hoseok says snippily, with that glare that honestly hurts Yoongi to be on the receiving end of.

He doesn't mean to hurt Hoseok's feelings, but it's better Hoseok's feelings than Hoseok himself having an 'accidental' case of food poisoning, or a run in with one of Seokjin's 'flailing limbs' while dancing. Better hurt feelings than a hurt body. Because of this, Yoongi still says nothing-- he knows Seokjin isn't above hurting people if things don't go the way he likes. After all, Yoongi has experienced their hyung's displeasure firsthand.

"Stay after practice-- you're off the beat again." Hokseok finally mutters after giving him a long and disappointed look, and turns back around, dismissing himself from the one-sided conversation. Yoongi takes another gulp of water instead saying what he wants to, when he feels someone else make contact with him. He jumps slightly, stiffening, but quickly relaxes when he realizes who has just initiated skinship.

It's Taehyung, who doesn't seem to have noticed the heaviness in air around Yoongi, or have read the situation at all. He had sauntered up behind him, draping himself over the shorter male's shoulders. Jimin sends him a look, but Taehyung ignores him. Yoongi is half glad, feeling a bit of the tension in his body seep out, but on the other hand, knows that having the second maknae hanging off his shoulders isn't doing either of them any favors.

"Don't be mad at Hoba-hyung, hyung." Taehyung's breath tickles Yoongi's ear. Yoongi sighs. "He was trying to make it up to you, yeah? Even if he got snappy from being ignored. He didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

The smile that crosses Yoongi's lips in response is resigned, and his makes a quiet grunt of acknowledgement. Taehyung grins, nuzzling the top of Yoongi's head. Yoongi can almost hear Jimin's groan annoyance at the younger boy for not reading the situation(Yoongi has a feeling Jimin is fearing for his friend's life), but Yoongi himself doesn't mind. It's nice that not even a frigid attitude can keep his dongsaeng's tactile behavior at bay. He appreciates it, even if he'd never actually vocalize that thought.

"You'll forgive him eventually like a good hyung." The tall boy clinging onto him like a koala mumbles, more to himself than Yoongi. "I know you will." Yoongi finds himself nodding. After all, he's already forgiven Hoseok. Even if his words had hurt an.. unnatural amount, Yoongi understands the stress that comes with the release of a mixtape. He can't fault Hoseok for being snappy recently.

Taehyung, pleased with Yoongi's response, nuzzles him affectionately once more before letting go, bounding back towards Jimin with a grin set in place. Jimin's own expression is fond, but his brows are furrowed into an emotion that Yoongi can't quite read.

He closes his eyes tiredly, massaging the bridge of his nose. Yoongi doesn't know if the world has it out for him, or if he's just being overdramatic. Though, he's obviously being punished for something. He doesn't even have to ask-- he can vividly imagine Seokjin's voice in his head, explaining to him as if he's stupid, that socializing is a privilege that he hasn't earned. That he had upset Seokjin this morning and doesn't deserve to socialize with the others until he's decided to be good.

______

"Yoongi-hyung." Hoseok grabs Yoongi by the wrist as everyone is filtering out of the door, tired and ready to go home. He had, admittedly tried to do the same. He feels a little guilty, trying to get out of being in Hoseok's presence, but Hoseok wants to have a _conversation_ , and Yoongi has been forbidden to talk to him(he knows for certain that he was on beat today; Hoseok had just wanted him to stay behind). However, there are no exceptions when it comes to Seokjin's rules. Yoongi can't do this with him right now. They can't talk about what transpired between them the night before.

"Close the door behind you, Jungkook. I need to correct Yoongi's timing around the-" Jungkook closes the door before Hoseok is finished talking. He has a feeling their youngest member knows what's happening, and he resigns himself. They're the only ones left in the practice room now. There's no one to save him. He edges towards the door, but is quickly stopped by Hoseok's tightening grip on his wrist. "Don't you dare try to escape-- we need to talk, hyung."

Yoongi grimaces in pain, ducking his head to hide his face as he stops moving. Hoseok has unknowingly gripped a bit too hard while restraining him. That's how he knows that Hoseok is upset. Hoseok is usually rather gentle with him, especially when holding his hand. The only time Hoseok gets rougher(whether in words or actions) is when he's emotionally distressed.

"Look. I'm sorry, hyung. I didn't mean it, I swear." Hoseok says, and Yoongi looks up at him with a deep inhale. Ah. Hoseok really does look sorry. The younger always has worn his heart on his sleeve, and even if his expressions weren't so damn obvious, his eyes always have and will give him away. Yoongi tries to give him a reassuring smile, but it turns up more than a bit sad and crooked.

"I mean.." Hoseok sighs, and he allows his hand to fall from Yoongi's wrist back to his side. "I did mean it when I told you to get out, but I wasn't thinking clearly. You were just worried about me, and I shouldn't have snapped at you. Sitting in a studio for hours on end is enough to put anyone on edge, and I'm no exception."

Yoongi gives a small nod of acknowledgement. He understands. He really does. While his tolerance for locking himself away in the studio is much high than a normal person's, Yoongi has been known to snap at people who interrupt his work. Usually it's Namjoon or Hoseok that are at the receiving end of his ire, and when they can't handle his sharp tongue, they send in Seokjin.

They don't know how or why, but they know Yoongi will almost always try to be on his best behavior for their eldest hyung. Yoongi knows that they've asked Seokjin about it though, and Seokjin's response had been, "I'm his roommate," as if that was an actual explanation. Yoongi's glad Seokjin didn't actually explain the reason. It's hard to assume what their reactions would be, but it's better if they don't know that the reason he obeys Seokjin is that even in a sleep deprived, snappy state, he still fears their hyung.

Anyway. That conversation should be over now. Good to know. Now he can get the fuck out? The way Hoseok is looking at him like had kicked his puppy, and well, Yoongi can't exactly handle that. He also looks vaguely uncomfortable, like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Yoongi only adjusts his bag on his shoulder. With that, he begins shuffling towards the door again.

"Wait, Yoongi-hyung. Are we okay?" Hoseok asks, catching Yoongi's arm before he can make his escape, a hopeful smile on his face. Yoongi flinches. He doesn't mean to, but he's been easy to startle, jumpy, and it's not like it's a conscious thing. Sudden touches.. well, he's never exactly been a fan, but ever since Seokjin, he _really_ doesn't like them. Yoongi watches as Hoseok's small smile melts off his face so quickly it was almost as if it had never been there in the first place. It leaves an ache in Yoongi's chest. He gives a minuscule nod, before making a hasty retreat, leaving Hoseok alone in the practice room.

They're okay. Yoongi is just being irrationally sensitive the other day. They're fine. Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he goes out of his way to hurry back to the dorms. Fuck, he hates seeing Hoseok so.. insecure. He thought the younger would have realized that snapping at him wouldn't be enough to ruin their friendship, but maybe he needs to reciprocate.. friendliness(?)sometimes in order to let Hoseok know that. However, he can't just start initiating skinship the way Hoseok or the others do(the idea of that alone makes him nervous).

It's not only around Hoseok though. It's everyone. He always has been afraid of annoying others by being too clingy, so he's kept his group members at an arm's length the best he could. What if they're judging him? What if they don't want to touch him? Realistically, he knows the others aren't like that, but the fear weighs on him all the same. It's better to just wait for them to initiate contact, just in case. He had forgotten that his own fears give him a standoffish vibe, and could possibly make others insecure about where they stand.

He can't help it if he's constantly dealing with crushing anxiety about how he is seen by the world. No matter how many times he says that he doesn't give a shit, it's more him trying to convince himself he doesn't care. He cares. He wants to be good. That means things need to change.

He closes his eyes for a short moment, taking a deep breath. Things are going to change. The only problem is, well, the source of most of his problems. Seokjin. Seokjin never has been great about.. sharing Yoongi. Sure, the elder will stand back and let him and Jimin hug and compliment each other for the cameras, let Yoongi banter with Jungkook and talk about lamb skewers, but behind the scenes, Seokjin doesn't like Yoongi getting too close to anyone in particular.

While Seokjin's never said anything out loud, Yoongi has noticed the other male makes sure to mark his territory across his skin in a particularly aggressive way during the night after a day when other people have gotten particularly close. Like when he had been helping producing Suran's album. Seokjin had not been happy, especially when some fans started coming up with rumors about things going on between them. Yoongi had only scoffed at the rumors in the beginning(sure, Suran is a pretty girl and insanely talented vocally, but really, there had been nothing romantic between them).

Either way, Seokjin must have felt threatened or something of the sort, because he had been visibly more possessive until the album had been completed and Yoongi was no longer in contact. A possessive Seokjin is not a pleasant Seokjin, so Yoongi will have to find a way around him while trying to show Hoseok that he does care. Their friendship means more to him than Hoseok seems to think.

Despite that, he's not willing to risk his neck anymore. Not with how Seokjin has decided that hitting him in the face is no longer out of bounds. The rules are again changing, so Yoongi has to take a step back and adapt. In the beginning, Seokjin may have been fairly rough, but he had been careful to never leave marks. After a while though, he must have been fed up being 'careful' because around six months later, he starting leaving bruises on Yoongi's hips, which later turned into hickies, and more recently, bruises anywhere below the neck.

He doesn't think Seokjin would go as far as.. well, breaking something, considering how long that would put him out of commission, but Yoongi really doesn't want to test him, considering he had just broken the unspoken rule of not hitting anywhere the fans can see. He sighs. Maybe he should just leave his comfort zone and go out of his way to initiate contact between them. While Seokjin is away, anyway.

He lets out a groan. He doesn't know yet. How do you apologize to someone you genuinely care about? How do you explain away flinching and standoffish behavior without revealing what's happening behind closed doors? How would anyone even confess that type of situation to someone anyway? He really wants to make it up to Hoseok. He wants them to be okay, but he can't help the instinctive flinches that follow sudden touches.

He runs a tired hand through his bleached hair. He has to think of something. Shit, shit. He could buy Hoseok something nice? Like a notebook for writing lyrics in-- or maybe not. That would be encouraging bad habits. Or perhaps Yoongi could just go out with him when they have some free time, and he can apologize through food. Hoseok likes food. Not as much as Seokjin or even Jungkook, but maybe that would be enough to let Hoseok know that their friendship still means something to him.

He's lost in his thoughts, and when he finds his feet stopping in front of a door, he realizes he's back at the dorms, not even knowing exactly how he gotten there. That's when he realizes there's an incessant vibration from his bag. He frowns, pulling out his phone. He has twelve missed calls, four from Namjoon, one from Jimin, and seven from Seokjin, the most recent from less than five minutes ago. And-- holy fuck. Thirty seven text messages, most of them from Taehyung, but a few from Jungkook, as well as Namjoon, the text message count growing by the second. What the hell?

His eyes widen as the time on the screen registers. He really needs to stop doing this- this- weird zoning out thing; it's been over six hours. He glances around. The sun has completely set and- oh. Oh. No wonder he's gotten so many calls and texts. He takes a deep breath before exhaling slowly. Maybe he should turn his phone off of silence. He sighs, resigning himself to the hurricane of chaos that undoubtedly is coming his way. Turning the knob with a suddenly pale, slightly shaky hand, visibly bracing himself, he opens the door, and his world is suddenly in an uproar.

_____

 

He's terrified.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I've no idea how this happened, but I enjoyed playing with the idea of Yoongi choosing to listen to Seokjin's command to be mute. It's a really secluding thing, after all, even when others are trying to make an effort. Anyway, as always, please review(I'll love you forever)!


	5. Chapter 4- Omelas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos and sacrifice.

"Yoongi-hyung!" It's both Jimin and Taehyung who come bowling towards him, the moment he peeks inside, enveloping him in a huge, sudden hug. He's instantly overwhelmed, despite having braced himself, his dongsaengs are babbling relieved words, and everything is all too loud. Yoongi awkwardly pats them on the back, arms slightly bent so that he's barely touching them. Even now, he's hesitant to touch others, painfully over aware of the close contact.

"Hyung! Yoongi-hyung is back!" Jimin shouts at the top of his lungs, and Yoongi can hear the thudding of feet against the hardwood floors followed by incomprehensible shouts as the rest of the members rush to the doorway. By now, Taehyung has draped himself around Yoongi and is nuzzling his hair like an overgrown puppy, which had slowly become a familiar enough sensation over the years. It's comforting, in a way. Like being enveloped in love and warmth. It's something he doesn't really get very often, considering the cold barrier he has instinctively been putting up for as long as he can remember(he's just been trying to protect himself).

Namjoon's speaking irritatedly, borderline shouting into his phone to their manager Seijin-hyung, but the words he's speaking don't quite make sense because so many things are going on. Seokjin is storming towards him, and the faint smile-Yoongi hadn't even realized he was smiling- melts off his face. Behind Seokjin's tall form, Jungkook stands in the background, slowly edging closer. It's clear from his expression that he's trying to blank his face of emotion, but his lips are trembly and his eyebrows slightly furrowed, betraying his worry. Or maybe it's relief. Yoongi isn't quite sure. Those two expressions are rather similar when Jungkook tries to mask his emotions.

And Hoseok- Yoongi's eyes flicker amidst the uproar- Hoseok isn't there. Oh. Hoseok must still be upset with him. He visibly deflates, but both Taehyung and Jimin take it as a stumble, like he's about to fall over or something. Taehyung quickly disentangles himself from Yoongi, reaching to support him just in case or something, as if he has only just remembered that he's far taller and heavier than Yoongi is. Jimin reaches for his arm to help support him as well.

Jungkook shuffles forwards slowly, making eye contact and he looks like he's about to say something, but then Seokjin's hands make contact with Yoongi's shoulders, drawing his attention away from the youngest vocalist as he brushes the maknae line out of his way. "Yoongi-yah, why didn't you answer our calls?" He asks urgently, brow furrowed, plush lips turning downwards into what can almost be taken as a snarl. He's bending his knees slightly so that he can look Yoongi straight in the eyes.

Yoongi averts his gaze, uncomfortable with the intensity. "I don't know, hyung." He mumbles genuinely-God he wishes Seokjin would stop touching him, stop looking at him like that- and he realizes he's trembling ever so slightly. He was fine. Fine up until he walked through the door, and now he's finding himself being.. less okay. What the fuck is wrong with him?

"You can't just pull this type of shit, Yoongi! You're a famous idol for god's sake. What if you had gotten kidnapped? Or chased by sasaeng fans, huh? Were you thinking at all? I know you supposedly have a brain in your head; why don't you use it?!" Seokjin roughly shakes him by the shoulders, causing the smaller male to wince and shrink back. Seokjin's grip is more than a little too tight for comfort. Even so, he can't even argue with him. Seokjin is right. What had he thinking?

"Hyung!" Jimin interjects, quickly pulling Yoongi out of Seokjin's grasp, putting himself between the two roommates as Taehyung intertwines himself once more with the small rapper. It's clear the tall boy has realized Yoongi's discomfort. "Why don't you calm down a bit-- you're obviously freaking him out."

Yoongi has never been more thankful, and yet nervous, for Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung. He can always count on those two to make him feel safe, even when they don't realize what they're doing. On the other hand, they're facing up against the man that has no qualms abusing the so-called most intimidating guy in Bangtan, Min Yoongi. Of course, if Yoongi's to be honest, he doesn't exactly know how he had gotten the title. He had been sad and painfully aware of everything he does, not scary. There's a difference, after all, but maybe some people can't see it. It's okay. He doesn't mind.

His eyes flicker around the room from Taehyung's protective hold(he's looking anywhere but at Seokjin). Namjoon is still on the phone with their manager-hyung, albeit at a softer tone though still tainted with the rough annoyance from before. At least he's no longer shouting. Yoongi hates those rare times Namjoon actually looses his temper, and it looks like this time had been a close one.

Jungkook is waiting at the edge of the pandemonium, not quite willing to get closer because of the chaotic nature of the matter, but Jimin? Jimin is engaging Seokjin in what is turning into shouting match. Oh no. No, no, no. Absolutely not. This is not going well-- not that he expected it to go well, but this is definitely not the way he had hoped it would go.

"Jiminie, stop." He mumbles, uncomfortably reaching for Jimin's wrist to stop the younger, but Taehyung's larger hand stops him. He turns his head to give the taller male a look. Jimin will definitely face some sort of consequence if he keeps going like this, and Yoongi can't allow that. Yoongi is the only one who can take the repercussions of Seokjin's anger. He's the only one who can handle it, but Taehyung is shaking his head at him like he should just allow Jimin to piss Seokjin off. Like he should allow Jimin to be put in a position to be punished. He grits his teeth. Never in a million years would he ever let any of his dongsaengs take one of Seokjin's punishments.

"Let him get this out, Yoongi-hyung." Taehyung murmurs before Yoongi can start to protest verbally. "It upsets him-us- to see you like this." _Like this? Like what?_  He wants to snap, but he holds back the sharp words. His attention is quickly taken back to the problem at hand. The two vocalists are getting louder and louder, more tense, and it's hard to form proper, coherent thoughts to verbalize amidst the commotion of it all. Everything is going far too fast for him to keep up.

Jimin is getting up in Seokjin's face the best he can, deadly anger marring his attractive features, as he doesn't even wait for Seokjin to finish, shouting over him in a manner that's so utterly uncharacteristic. Seokjin's eyes are narrowed in an expression that Yoongi has seen before. Oh god. Seokjin hates being interrupted, being talked over, but he hates disrespect and posturing even more. Yoongi is about to tug himself out of Taehyung's grip, ready to cover Jimin's mouth, stop him from talking, stop him from saying something before something happens that everyone will regret, Jungkook is shouting over everyone to _please fucking stop,_  and-

It happens in slow motion, and Yoongi has a moment of déjà-vu as Seokjin's hand lifts, but instead of hitting Jimin the way Yoongi expects him to, Seokjin encloses his hand around Jimin's sharp jaw, gripping him by the face and dragging him forward and up so that the two of them are eye to eye. His grip isn't hard enough to bruise, but Jimin's skin has turned pale where Seokjin's fingers dig into his flesh. There will definitely be red marks once their eldest hyung lets him go.

The whole room goes silent, as if time itself has stopped. Yoongi actually finds himself looking around quickly, to check to make sure it hadn't. Namjoon has hung up on Seijin without another word. Taehyung, Yoongi assumes, is in shock, because his grip on his wrist loosens. Jimin himself is still glaring, narrow eyes aflame with something akin to rage. Jungkook looks on the verge of tears, teeth gritted tightly together to suppress either an angry shout or a sob(if Yoongi's to be honest with himself, he can't tell which). He feels his heart go out to their maknae, even if he's not sure if those are upset or angry tears. They're probably both. Yoongi knows Jungkook hates it when they fight.

"You really don't know when to shut your mouth, huh, Jimin?" Seokjin growls through the uneasy air. While it looks oddly personal, private, from an outsider's view, it's a powerful display of dominance, and Yoongi winces as Seokjin's fingers clearly dig further into Jimin's soft cheeks, aiming for the painful pressure points that reside there.

Namjoon, like Taehyung, seems to be in shock. This must be the first time their leader has seen this side of their bright, childish hyung. Yoongi sympathizes. It must be difficult to wrap his head around. Even now, the smaller vocalist is stubbornly glaring through the pain, gritting out a bitter, "Yeah? Well you don't kn-"

"Hyung!" Jimin's voice acts as a catalyst, and Yoongi calls for their hyung's attention, breaking free of Taehyung's grasp, which had weakened considerably in his shock of what has just occurred in front of them. Yoongi squeezes himself between Seokjin and Jimin, forcing the elder to let go. Ah. He's probably going to be punished for that.

"Jinnie-hyung." He repeats, quieter this time, gently grabbing Jin's hands in a ditch-attempt to soften him up, clasping them within his own clammy palms. He's not sure if it is working, but something changes in Seokjin's eyes, and the anger dissipates somewhat. "I'm sorry, hyung. I didn't mean to worry you guys. It was my fault. I'll make it up to you. To everyone. Jimin didn't mean to anger you hyung. He was on edge, just like the rest of you, he didn't mean to go so far."

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jimin open his mouth to argue, but close it when Taehyung wraps him up in his arms protectively. Yoongi again silently thanks whatever higher being that may or may not exist for Kim Taehyung, and Jungkook edges over to them to mimic Taehyung's actions, running a calming hand through Jimin's hair. The eldest maknae relaxes in their grasp.

"I was being irresponsible. I wasn't thinking. I was being bad, hyung. Jimin was stressed. He didn't mean it. Please, hyung. I'll take full responsibility. It's my fault for not paying attention. I am the one who should be punished." Yoongi mumbles, ducking his head as to not look Seokjin in the eyes. His voice is surprisingly steady. He feels Seokjin take a deep breath, and Yoongi finds himself holding his own.

"I'm sorry, Jimin. I lost my temper. We were both upset, and I know we said things we didn't mean." Seokjin apologizes quietly, gazing at Jimin from over Yoong's shoulder, and he sounds so genuine that Yoongi nearly chokes trying to suppress hysterical laughter threatening to overtake him. Luckily, he manages. Otherwise, that would have been insanely awkward.

Jimin nods, speaking lowly. "I didn't mean to raise my voice at you. It's just Yoongi-hyung has been dealing with a lot recently and you were so rough with him." Jimin isn't going to forget Yoongi breaking down in the middle of the practice room anytime soon. Yoongi isn't sure if that's really a grudge in Jimin's voice, or if it's his own imagination.

"That's fine and all Jiminie." Yoongi murmurs, looking over his shoulder to gaze at the younger male. "I don't need you to fight my battles. It was my fault. Let me pay my dues."

Seokjin only smiles pleasantly, placing a hand on top of Yoongi's head, ruffling the bleached hair affectionately. "Sometimes Yoongi just needs a fright to be put into place, Jimin." He says, slow smile curling at his lips. That's when Namjoon speaks up for the first time since hanging up on Seijin-hyung when Seokjin had.. had attempted to put Jimin in his place.

"Jin-hyung. You and I are going to have to talk about this later." Their leader says, frowning. Seokjin nods. "I won't bring this up with Bang PD, but understand if anything happens again, I will be forced to do something."

"I understand." Seokjin states calmly, and Namjoon's expression eases into something more neutral. Even so, there's a relieved light in his eyes. Yoongi assumes it's because Seokjin is being compliant, since the Seokjin they had just seen moments before was erratic and unpredictable, like a whirlwind of havoc. "It was a one time thing, Joonie. An an accident. It won't happen again."

"Good. Now. Hoseok and the manager hyungs are on their way back." Namjoon states, obviously trying his best to sound authoritative, but neither Yoongi nor Seokjin buy it. There's something in his eyes that's screaming the truth. Namjoon is shaken.

Maybe the maknaes don't seem to register it, but Yoongi sees clearly, and if he's seen, he knows Seokjin has as well. After all, Seokjin is very observant. Not to mention, the slight curve to the corners of his lips is smug as hell, like Seokjin knows he just got away with something bad.

"Back? Back from where?" Yoongi asks shakily, as Seokjin pulls Yoongi close to his chest into a possessive hug, as if trying to rid Yoongi of all traces of Taehyung and replace it with himself instead. Yoongi finds himself wondering if Seokjin has always been like this. Protective. Possessive. If he's to be honest with himself, he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember a lot of the beginning of their.. relationship. He might have purposefully buried it somewhere in his subconscious, because he's not sure he wants to remember. Some things are better left forgotten.

"Hoseok went out with Hobeom-hyung while the other manager hyungs went to look for you." Seokjin explains quietly in his ear, not letting him go. Oh. Yoongi gives a small nod in understanding. Okay. Hobeom-hyung, huh? "They're all coming back now. You might want to brace yourself-- Seijin-hyung was near out of his mind. You're going to definitely be scolded."

Yoongi only nods. No matter what Seijin says, Yoongi doubts it'll amount to even half of what Seokjin will dish out after hours. A thought hits him. That's something he's not looking forward to. "Jinnie-hyung." He says, and Seokjin gives him a curious look, but Yoongi quickly shuts his mouth, remembering they're in the middle of the dorms surrounded by everyone, and he regrets having impulsively drawn more of Jin's attention. "Never mind. Later." Seokjin gives a contemplating hum, pulling him closer to rest Yoongi's head at the crook of his neck while eyeing the way everyone is looking at the two of them standing there, intertwined.

Though Yoongi can't see it, the expression on Seokjin's face is bizarrely pleased. Everyone else, however, sees it crystal clear.

______

"Hyung.." Yoongi's head snaps up from his phone to the sound of Jungkook's voice. "How are you doing?" A vaguely affectionate expression crosses his face. Ah, what a cute kid, checking up on his hyung.

"I'm fine, Jungkookie. No need to worry 'bout me, I promise." Yoongi chuckles softly, having to reach up to ruffle the boy's hair as he sits himself down beside his hyung on the couch(the maknae had long outgrown him, making it harder to baby him, to Yoongi's displeasure). "I just got lost in thought, yeah? Need to pay more attention to my surroundings next time."

"There can't be a next time, hyung." Jungkook replies, and Yoongi is thrown off by how insistent the younger sounds. Unlike Jin, however, Jungkook's intense gaze is earnest. Genuine. Worried. "You saw Seokjin-hyung tonight. He was livid, and crossed lines that none of us ever thought would be crossed. Not to mention, even the manager-hyungs were mad at you."

Yoongi sighs. Jungkook isn't wrong. Seokjin had well and good lost his temper in front of the whole group, which was something Yoongi hadn't seen coming. He'd always seen their hyung as the type to consistently in control, without fail. What really had caught Yoongi off guard was the shouting match with Jimin. Not only was Seokjin showing off his fiery side for all to see, but it had been obvious he was not in control of it.

"Jin-hyung was right to yell at me. What I did was stupid, foolish, and I caused an uproar, and inconvenienced the manager hyungs. I deserved what I got, Jungkookie." Yoongi takes a deep breath, sighing. "It's.. it's better this way than if something like this happened again."

"But now you don't have any privacy away from the dorms!" Jungkook protests. Yoongi shrugs, reaching out to pat Jungkook on the shoulder soothingly.

"If does more good than it does harm, Kook. Besides, if I ever actually want to disappear, even if I can't turn it off, I can just leave it behind." Yoongi replies softly, a small, serene smile upon his lips. He seems strangely at peace for someone who has been through what he has the past few days. That in and of itself makes Jungkook on edge. This isn't like Yoongi. "Just hope that I don't want to disappear anytime soon. Might not be a good thing." The elder adds, not registering the words that leave mouth, unable to stop them. He immediately regrets them though, because Jungkook's eyebrows furrow as if he's overthinking Yoongi's words. Yoongi does his best not to grimace. Why had he said that?

"It wouldn't be a good idea for you won't disappear, hyung." Jungkook replies slowly, as if he's being careful about what he says, and Yoongi lets out a little sigh.

"I know." He mutters, and they both fall silent. It takes a while for Yoongi to gather up the courage to ask what he wants to. He takes a deep breath. "Hey.. Kook. Is Jin-hyung still being talked to by Joon?"

"Last time I saw, yeah." Jungkook nods. Namjoon and Seokjin have been secluded away in the kitchen for what must have been an hour already, and when Yoongi had last seen, Seokjin looked properly apologetic. Of course, that doesn't mean he was, but he definitely had his acting down to the smallest detail.

"And what about Jiminie? How's he holding up? It must have given him a shock after what had happened." He continues, lips turning into a frown. Jungkook's expression falls to mimic Yoongi's.

"With Taetae. Tae's been freaking out at telling him to ice it and everything. He's acting like it's gonna swell and bruise, but it wasn't like hyung hit him. It was a warning, not an attack. Jin-hyung could have done a lot worse.. I think he was tempted to." Jungkook's words are mumbled, and Yoongi is honestly surprised by the younger's perception. Yoongi's own view of the scene had been very much the same.

"He won't do it again." Yoongi knows Seokjin. Surely Seokjin realizes what he has just done. He's revealed himself to be volatile. Seokjin can't afford any slip ups, but at the same time.. Seokjin is angry, and that leads to more 'incidents', whether it be Yoongi or someone else. Yoongi won't let it be anyone else. He'll do what he has to. Even if it's unpleasant. He'll soothe over the problems. No matter what.

Because even if this is a chance to bring Seokjin's downfall.. Seokjin's downfall would mean Bangtan's downfall. The scandal would be huge. Devastating. Everything they worked so hard for would fall to pieces. Yoongi would never do that to his members. Could never. Even if it freed him.

Besides, even if they did manage to still have some fans left if the truth were ever revealed(he doubts it), Yoongi's certain they'd never be looked at the same way again. He'd be pitied and tiptoed around. Their names would be spoken in hushed whispers, like a taboo. Bangtan would never survive. Neither would he.

Jungkook looks at him contemplatively. "What are you planning, hyung?" He inquires softly, a frown on his lips. "Do you think Seokjin-hyung won't heed to what Namjoon-hyung has to tell him?" Yoongi's gaze falls to his hands in his lap, to hide the expression of faint panic. Of course Seokjin won't. He'll pretend to, sure, but nothing will change.

"It's not that, JK. I'm not planning anything. I know Joonie will be able to get through to him." Yoongi says quickly, shrugging. Jungkook raises a dubious eyebrow at him.

Yoongi has forgotten that he has always has been a shit actor.

_______

When Yoongi finds Seokjin after the day is done sitting on the edge of his bed, the elder looks thoughtful, almost brooding. Not happy, but not exactly angry either. It's the best case scenario Yoongi could hope for.

"Jin-hyung." Yoongi murmurs, approaching Seokjin out of his own free will. The number of times that's happened since around their debut.. well. He can count all of those moments on one hand. It's kind of sad. From what Yoongi can remember, he had liked Seokjin before the elder had decided he liked consistently throwing Yoongi around and using him as he pleased, or whatever went on in Seokjin's mind. Yoongi likes to think he knows how people work, but Seokjin? Seokjin is an enigma.

Yoongi has never understood Seokjin. That's why he's standing in front of him hesitantly as the elder looks up from his phone.

"Yes, Yoongi-yah?" He inquires, voice quiet, soothing. It's a far cry from the loud, playful hyungs his is on camera or the angry one that usually only Yoongi has privy to, but Yoongi will take this over the other two versions of Seokjin any day. Yoongi carefully sits himself down beside him, glancing towards Seokjin's face. Something in his expression is telling him that the elder is pleased by him. It might be Seokjin's eyes. There's something akin to pleasure in those honey brown eyes, seeing as Yoongi has approached Seokjin, not the other way around.

"How did it go with Namjoon?" He asks quietly, careful to call the younger by his full name, not _Joonie._  These days, he never knows what could set off Seokjin's anger(or possibly jealousy, but that's just hopeful thinking on his part). "Everything's going to be okay, right?" He watches as Seokjin lifts his head to meet his gaze. Seokjin seems strangely.. level headed-or rather, content- for a person who had very obviously attempted to dominate one of their members and got a talking to from their leader.

He smiles complacently at him. Yoongi offers a hesitant curl of the corner of his lips in reply. It's not quite a smile, but it's the best he can do. "Everything will be perfectly fine, Yoongi-chi." He replies, and reaches to play with the rapper's bleached hair, a faintly pleased look on his face. He straightens up suddenly, and Yoongi wills himself to not start in surprise. "Use my conditioner next time." Seokjin says out of the blue, and Yoongi can't help the confused 'hah?' that leaves his lips. Where did that come from?

"My conditioner, Yoongi-chi. Use it. It'll make your hair softer." Yoongi blinks a few times.

"Is my hair really that bad?" He asks, brow furrowed. He runs a hand through his hair, feeling the texture. Okay, maybe Seokjin does have a point-- it is pretty straw-like. At this point, his hair has been chemically treated for so long, he doesn't even remember what the original texture was like. Even when his hair had been black, the damage hadn't gone away, since the black had just been dye over constantly colored hair.

Seokjin shrugs. "Mine has gone through the same things yours has, and it's not half as bad." He says, taking Yoongi's hand in his own, allowing him to touch his hair. Yoongi's breath catches in his throat, nervous, as his fingers run through the elder's soft, gently styled hair. This.. this must be the first normal conversation they've had away from everyone's prying eyes in.. in forever. It's almost like they're friends. Almost something more, even. Seokjin's unwavering gaze makes the simple action seem painfully intimate.

It makes him highly uncomfortable, but he forces himself to smile softly. Seokjin, on the other hand, seems rather pleased by Yoongi's willingness to touch him, without his hand being forced by cameras or an act put up for their dongsaengs. Good. Good. Things are going his way for once. He can make this work. Maybe.

Seokjin has been playing him, but Yoongi can do the same. Seokjin, despite how absolutely terrible he's been, has just proved that he wants Yoongi's attention. Maybe he hasn't said it, maybe he had done well to hide it over the years, but Yoongi has just seen it in his eyes. In the time he's spent with Bangtan, he's learned to read Seokjin better than any of the other members. He's had to. Sometimes he has slipped up and misjudged the situation(the concealer and foundation on his face is proof of that), but that comes in times of anger, or fear. His perception had been distorted by fury when he had gotten hit, and he hadn't realized how far he had pushed Seokjin. Sometimes Seokjin's acting is so perfect even he can't tell if the elder's emotions are truthful or not. Right now, however, he's seeing perfectly clearly.

"Oh. Okay." He mumbles, slowly retracting his hand, placing it in his lap. He resists the urge to leave and wash his hands, despite the fact the elder's hair had been silky smooth and obviously washed that morning. "I'll try it next time, hyung." The smile that crosses Seokjin's lips looks genuine. Not to say that it is, but it seems like it.

Okay. He takes a deep breath, holding it before letting it go, giving himself a moment to organize his thoughts. He knows Seokjin is possessive. Seokjin doesn't like sharing, and hates being disregarded. When pushed, he'll push back ten times harder, and isn't afraid to hit whenever he feels so inclined. Sometimes, he'll wipe away Yoongi's tears. He'll tenderly wash Yoongi's back and remind him about doing his skincare routine. Sometimes, he'll cuddle him and so very tolerantly let Yoongi sneak into his bed at ass o'clock in the morning, and sometimes he'll shove him to the floor and use him however he wants, whether Yoongi wants it or not.

The signals are so mixed that thinking about everything nearly gives Yoongi a headache, but he thinks Seokjin cares, to some extent. He must, right? He has to. After that.. that tender way he had held him after Hoseok had hurt his feelings late in the night(or rather, the early hours of the morning), there's no way Seokjin doesn't care at all. Even after everything he's done, Seokjin is still human. The question at hand is how much. How much does Seokjin care, and will Yoongi be able to use that to his advantage? Yoongi will have to. It's not like he has much of a choice, really. Something has to be done, bescause despite everything, Yoongi would rather take everything Seokjin has to give than sit back and watch the kids hurt. They're so vibrant, so full of life, he'd hate to see anything dim the spark in their eyes.

Yoongi closes his eyes and takes a deep, calming breath to clear his head of thoughts, so that he can think clearly. Perhaps Seokjin is playing him. Seokjin could be treating him the way he is to fuck with his head. It's not impossible. Seokjin has managed, up until today, to convince everyone he could do no wrong. It's been a long time since everything has started. Even so, Yoongi has to take a chance. Maybe he himself isn't exactly worth saving, but the other members are. Hoseok, Jimin, Jungkook, Taehyung.. even Namjoon(no matter his stupid crush on Seokjin), they don't deserve suffer at their eldest hyung's hand.

"Yoongi-yah." Yoongi straight up startles at the sound of his name, hand going to his chest in his shock, and he whips his head around to look at Seokjin accusingly.

"Jeez, hyung, you nearly gave me a heart attack." He complains, strategically flopping down on his side, head falling into Seokjin's lap. He doesn't have to wait for a reaction. The elder's fingers card through his hair without a second thought, and despite himself, Yoongi closes his eyes, allowing himself to pretend it's someone else's hands in his hair.

"You've been really been out of it recently, Yoongi-yah. Something bad will happen if this keeps going on." Seokjin remarks quietly, lips pursing faintly, and he actually sounds worried. Yoongi lets out a little scoffing sound.

"Can't help it." He replies just as softly, trying to ground himself in reality. It seems surreal, having a normal conversation with Jin. If he's to be honest though, he's just waiting for the guillotine to fall. "I really don't mean to hyung.. I just.. get lost in my head." It's the best way to describe it though. Time just seems to stand still, like an illusion.

Seokjin lets out a noncommittal hum, fingers lacing through the back of Yoongi's hair, tugging a little bit. It's not an accidental tug, but neither is it like the harsh moments in time where Seokjin has dragged him by his hair to make him suck his cock. If it were anyone else, he'd almost consider the sensation pleasant. Instead, he tilts his head and peeks up at Seokjin through his bangs, suppressing a grimace.

Seokjin's grip suddenly tightens, pulling Yoongi's head back to expose his throat, and Yoongi's eyes' widen. "What's with this behavior, huh, Yoongi-yah?" He inquires, his own eyes sharp. Oh shit. "Trying to soften me up? Maybe I'll pay more attention to you than the darling maknaes, right?" The laugh that the elder male lets out is light and airy, like tinkling bells. Melodic. If Yoongi didn't know the man better, he would have mistaken Seokjin as an angel. "You want to please me?" Yoongi nods quickly, despite everything down to the core of his very being is screaming otherwise.

"We're going to have to set some rules, Yoongi-yah. You break them, and someone has to handle the consequences.. whether it be you, Hoseok, or Jimin. Maybe even Taehyungie, yeah? Someone will have to 'pay your dues' as you called it." Yoongi grits his teeth. He can do this. This is what he had wanted, right? To protect the others. This is his chance.

"Come on now." Seokjin yanks a little more, and Yoongi hisses quietly, but turns over as the elder had implied he wanted all the same. "You should know what I want by now." And Yoongi does, though he feels faintly sick to his stomach thinking about what he's just signed himself up for.

He swallows his pride and nuzzles Seokjin's groin, feeling the elder's dick harden ever so slightly from the contact. If anything, Seokjin is probably getting off on the power he's holding above Yoongi's head. However, the elder male doesn't let Yoongi procrastinate for more than a few seconds.

"Unbutton my pants, baby, and drop your jaw." Yoongi does as he's told, and when Seokjin's flaccid cock is pushed down his throat, he rests his hands on the elder's pretty thighs and takes him in as far as he can, doing his very best not to convulse when the length pushes past his gag reflex. He still chokes, but keeps going until his nose is buried in the soft, neatly trimmed hair at the base of Seokjin's cock.

"What a good boy." The elder croons, caressing Yoongi's cheek, and the praise, despite coming from Seokjin, sends a nice shudder up his spine. "You're gonna stay there and keep my cock warm for me until I feel like shoving it inside your slutty ass, aren't you?" Seokjin croons sweetly, and it suddenly hits Yoongi like a freight train. He feels like crying.

Seokjin has no qualms about pushing Yoongi to see how far he can go before he breaks.

________

 

 

Seokjin glances to his worn down toy that lay sleeping in his bed. Pale skin blemished with a lovely blossom of purple bruises on the cheek, no longer hidden by makeup. It's so very pretty; Seokjin couldn't help himself but wipe away the foundation and concealer while fucking the living daylights from his dongsaeng. Yoongi had whimpered, but had accepted the elder's actions with dazed, tear filled eyes, even as Seokjin went out of his way to ruin him.

It's something he can never get enough of. Yoongi's glassy eyes, unfocused and uncomprehending, his pretty pink lips parted and glossy from saliva and Seokjin's precum as he loses all conscious thought. It's precious, really. Seokjin will never get over that sight, nor will he get over the vulnerability the smaller male gives off in his sleep. It's all his. It's so.. pure. Seokjin loves the idea of giving him hope, then breaking him down all over again. He can only imagine what his baby's expression would be if he acted upon his impulse.

_Cute, probably._

Seokjin will never share him.

He refuses to.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing, but next chapter will go back and we'll get to see some of Seokjin's manipulations and POV. Don't forget to tell me what you think! Reviews motivate and metaphorically feed me. :3


	6. Chapter 5- Crime Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Moving Shadows to Illusions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was rushed(despite being two days late), and probably not up to par with the rest of my chapters, I'm so sorry. Also I don't have a beta, so I'll apologize for any mistakes and typos I made in advance. I'll explain my reasons/make excuses for my shittiness in the end notes

 

Act 1- Moving Shadows

 

Seokjin gazes down at the young man laying down flat on the floor unmoving, save for the rise and fall of his chest. He can't help but frown. Yoongi, for all he is quiet at times, isn't acting normally. Seokjin is far too used to curses muttered under his breath and subtle death glares. He's used to Yoongi doing everything in his power to squirm away from his touch. Yoongi always has enjoyed playing hard to get, after all. It's all very unfair. He gives Yoongi all of his love and gets spit on in return.

Because of this, Seokjin is contemplative, to say the least, when the younger refuses to move from the ground after their fucking- though Seokjin prefers to use the word lovemaking, thank you very much, even if it's not the most accurate of words. It just sounds better. He clicks his tongue, placing his hands on his hips. It doesn't look like Yoongi will be able(or want to) to move any time soon, and it's not like Seokjin is cruel enough to just leave him lying there. It wouldn't be good for his delicate little toy. Yoongi always has been frail, after all. Seokjin doesn't want him to get sick or anything, laying on the dirty ground completely naked.

With a deep breath, he collects his precious boy from the floor in his arms, cradling him against his chest. Before they make it of their room, he makes sure to grab Yoongi's favorite pajamas off their dresser, along with his own. It wouldn't do them any good to have to walk back and get them, after all.

Once in the bathroom, Seokjin carefully places Yoongi on the toilet seat, so he can sit and wait. He's curious as to what has his dongsaeng so pliant today. Normally, he's on the receiving end of more than a few curse words, mumbled under Yoongi's breath. Tonight, there is silence. Seokjin's not sure if it's pleasing or not. On one hand.. it's cute, but on the other, it seems like something isn't right. While breaking Yoongi down is fun, it wouldn't be favorable for the band if Seokjin broke him beyond repair.

Brushing away the thought, he runs the bath water, blending what he knows to be Yoongi's favorite blend of bath oils after being taken to bed. He makes sure the water isn't too hot, with a careful hand, because he knows Yoongi always has been sensitive to temperature, even if it may have never been outright said.

"Come on, Yoongi-chi. I'll get you cleaned up." He murmurs, only to be ignored. It's something that Seokjin finds a bit more annoying than he cares to admit. However, Seokjin is a kind man; he'll allow Yoongi to behave like this for a little bit. The younger must be tired, after all. Seokjin will give him the benefit of the doubt.

He lifts Yoongi in his arms, being careful as he places him in the warm water. When he joins him in the water, he carefully starts by washing the expanse of Yoongi's pale back, using his personal body wash. The fragrance of Jo Malone intertwines with the scents of the bath oils, creating a heavenly air. It's painfully expensive, but Seokjin thinks Yoongi deserves a little bit of luxury. After all, despite having fought him in the beginning, Yoongi had been so, so good, had looked so pretty as he begged to come.

As he cleans away the sweat from Yoongi's body, Seokjin can't help but admire the way the smooth skin stretches over the rapper's small frame, blemished only by the marks he himself had made. The younger male is skinny, skinny enough for Seokjin to see his spine and a couple of his ribs, and it's so damn pretty that Seokjin has to stop himself from tracing the elegant curve of Yoongi's bones. He wants to bite him. He restrains himself though. He's certain Yoongi would only taste of soap, and despite the high price tag of his body wash, Seokjin doubts it would taste pleasant.

Instead, he rinses him off and goes about washing Yoongi's hair, pampering him to the best of his ability, massaging his scalp and doing his best to make the products that their hairstylists want them to use pleasant. He personally doesn't like those products, he buys his own, but Yoongi has never seemed to mind them, even if they leave the hair coarser than need be.

Then again, Yoongi never really has seemed to care for his physical appearance(Seokjin knows that Yoongi hates looking in the mirror, hates what he sees, chubby cheeks, a broad nose, and thin, triangular eyes that seem oh so cold). Min Yoongi is far from the traditional Korean standards of beauty. The only thing he has going for him is his pale skin according to the Korean masses, but Seokjin has to disagree. Yoongi is beautiful. Like a doll so pretty he wants to shatter it to smithereens and piece it back together all over again. Dolls are prettiest broken, after all.

After deeming them both clean, he offers Yoongi a hand up, being particularly careful with him, before grabbing the detachable head of the shower and rinsing off the soap thoroughly, humming a gentle melody. Yoongi stands there with his puffy cheeks and messy wet hair and allows Seokjin to manhandle him into a towel, drying his hair, and Seokjin has to suppress his urge to coo at him. _Cute._

"Wash your face, Yoongi." He finds himself nagging, as he begins his own nightly skincare, only to glance over and see the small rapper clumsily trying to do as he's told. He reaches over, fondly wiping away the foam cleanser that he knows must be stinging Yoongi's delicate eyes. Something really is off. Yoongi hasn't said a word since leaving the bedroom, but Seokjin isn't going to push him. He's considerate like that.

"Your eyes are sensitive and get irritatedly easily, you should be more careful." He murmurs, chastising the younger male, who would normally grumble something along the lines of 'I know,' at him, but doesn't this time. Instead they both finish their skincare, and Seokjin indulges himself in dressing the younger male in his pajamas, lips quirking into a small smile. Yoongi is such a baby boy with his cute bear print underwear and need for soft fabrics against his skin. The urge to bite him again and see him cry is a strong one. Seokjin prides himself in resisting, choosing to dress himself instead.

"Let's get some rest." He finally murmurs, placing his hands on Yoongi's shoulders so that he can guide him back to their room, because Yoongi is clearly not going to be walking anywhere without prompting. However, when Yoongi begins to head towards his own bed, Seokjin purses his lips slightly and grabs his wrist, pulling him into his own. Maybe he had tugged a little too hard, considering Yoongi stumbles slightly, but Seokjin finds no need to apologize. Why should he? Yoongi is his. Seokjin doesn't have to apologize to his things. And so, he hauls Yoongi beside him as he collapses in bed, pulling the blankets over them with a sweeping motion of his arm before wrapping that arm around Yoongi's small waist.

"Jinnie-hyung." Yoongi's broken little voice cuts their air roughly, and Seokjin blinks at just how harsh it sounds against the quiet hum of the air conditioner.

"Go to sleep, Yoongi-chi. You're going to be exhausted in the morning." He murmurs gently, pulling Yoongi a little closer into a protective grasp. He can't help it. He just wants to intertwine them so closely together they become one and can never be separated ever again. Seokjin absolutely hates the idea of sharing, after all.

"But Jinnie-hyung, what-" Ah, but that's one thing that annoys him, and he hums away his bitterness with one of the melodies than reside within his head. He hates it when Yoongi decides to be bad, and not do as Seokjin has told him. He can't have disobedience, after all. His smile turns only a little dangerous, and he lowers the tone of his voice.

"Yoongi-chi. Leave it for tomorrow morning." He replies in a rumbling timbre, and a pleased smile crosses his features when Yoongi falls silent. What a good, precious boy. Sometimes he likes to act up, but he always falls back into his place when Seokjin goes out of his way to remind him where he belongs. He feels Yoongi swallow his words down, and Seokjin rewards his obedience by threading his fingers through the back of Yoongi's hair.

A wetness hits his shirt as Seokjin coddles the younger male, but he says nothing. He just chooses to hold Yoongi just a little tighter. It's been a long day; Yoongi is allowed to feel exhausted, despite the fact he hadn't heeded Seokjin's command of coming home at the right time, Seokjin knows he was working hard. He precious boy always tries so very hard to meet the high expectations than being an idol demands. Seokjin will allow him an excuse this time around, will let him to let out his emotions. Seokjin is a benevolent owner, after all.

_____

 

Act 2- Fallout

  
Taking a large gulp of water, Seokjin keeps his eyes on Namjoon as the leader says something conversationally. That doesn't mean Seokjin is actually listening to him though. Yoongi seems to be having a bit of trouble today, which something Seokjin finds interesting. Had he gone too hard last night? No. Yoongi had enjoyed it, considering how he had been writhing under him, crying from how good it was and begging him to come. He had looked so damn pretty.

Yoongi looks tired today through. His skin is papery white, thin, and the deep set purple bags under his eyes are darker than Seokjin has even seen them. His sweaty, straw-like hair is sticking to his forehead, and if Seokjin is to be honest, his dongsaeng looks like even the air from the fan could knock him over. Seokjin can't help but admire the sight.

However, Yoongi is talking to Hoseok, and that's less of a welcome view. It's.. it's annoying. Troublesome. Yoongi's bony hands are clutching at Hoseok's like a lifeline and Seokjin can't help but narrow his eyes. Yoongi is saying something, and while Seokjin can't make out the words, he definitely sees when Yoongi's mouth snaps shut when their eyes meet.

Seokjin can see when Hoseok's shoulders raise and then fall, like he's sighing, and Jimin meanders over. Seokjin grits his teeth. The two most troublesome members, by his doll. This isn't acceptable. They're saying something to Yoongi, who is looking more and more upset, annoyed, distraught, even, by the minute.

Because of this, his feet move, and Seokjin finds himself slowly walking over, nudging Hoseok out of the way. He crouches next to the three of them. "Yoongi-yah. What's going on? Are you alright?" He questions, frowning.

He doesn't register Yoongi's reply, though his expression is bitter looking, because Jimin says, "I'm going to be helping him afterwards though, just so he can stay on top of everything." Annoyance boils through his veins at the idea of Jimin being alone with his precious toy. Jimin is a bad influence, and Seokjin does not want to leave Yoongi alone with him.

"Jiminie, can I stay too? I think I could use some extra time with this choreography, I've been having a few issues with the steps around Yoongi-chi's part." Seokjin asks sweetly, but it never really was a question. Seokjin will stay to oversee Yoongi whether Jimin wants him there or not.

"Sure hyung! That portion is a bit more difficult, so I totally understand." Jimin smiles so damn innocently it grates on Seokjin's nerves. How.. annoying. At least Seokjin didn't have to argue about being there or something. Now that would have been a mess. "Hey, Hobi-hyung, wanna stay behind with us, or are you going to hole yourself away in the studio again?" Jimin asks, and Seokjin fights the urge to purse his lips.

"Well, I do want to be able to put out my mixtape eventually. I think Armys are getting impatient with me." Hoseok replies with a grimace, and Seokjin understands. Their fans are so damn needy.

"Do what you need then. We'll manage." Yoongi replies, Jimin echoing him, so Seokjin plays along and nods as if he agrees. Hell, he does agree, actually. He doesn't need to deal with both Jimin and Hoseok around his Yoongi at once.

"Don't forget to take care of yourself and come back at a reasonable time though. Or I'll drag you from the studio myself, the way you did me." Yoongi adds, and Seokjin chews on the inner portion of his cheek to refrain from snapping out something rude.

"I won't forget, hyung." Like hell he won't. As much as he annoys Seokjin.. no one is allowed to upset Yoongi without Seokjin's permission. Seokjin is the one who gets to decide what Min Yoongi feels.

"Good."

_____

After practice is good. Seokjin is on top of the beat, perfect. Maybe he could have extended his arm farther on count five of the second set, or widened his stance three inches more, but overall, Seokjin is pleased. Jimin is pleased. Seokjin is doing well. Yoongi, however, is obviously not pleased. 

As Seokjin is sitting there to the side, observing with a false smile plastered on his face. Or, maybe not completely false-- he's proud of himself for keeping up today. Yoongi, on the other hand.. Yoongi is not keeping up. His dongsaeng's lips are quivering as Jimin coaches him, over and over again on the same part. His eyes are out of focus, and it's as if he's just going through the motions of the dance, always half a beat too late. His movements, usually fairly fluid, are stiff and awkward. It's almost painful to see; it reminds him of his own or Namjoon's dancing. That's something he never thought would happen. Something isn't right.

Watching Yoongi is like watching a building falling down. It starts small, almost unnoticeable, but the structure gets weaker and weaker, foundations crumbling, the climax being when everything falls to pieces. The first sign is wavering determination in his eyes and trembling lips. Yoongi's chest is inflating and deflating too quickly, bringing too much oxygen to his brain, causing him to become dizzy, and Seokjin watches as Yoongi's eyes fill with tears before the large droplets start streaming down his pale cheeks.

It's at this point Jimin finally realizes something is wrong, stopping Yoongi's attempts to continue dancing, wiping away his tears, and when Yoongi collapses, Jimin is there to keep the rapper from injuring himself as his legs give out. It sends a pang of annoyance through Seokjin. Who does Jimin think he is, easing Yoongi's fall?

"Hyung? Hyung! Hyung, what's wrong? I'm sorry-- I didn't meant to push you too far with the dance-- I-" Seokjin suppresses an amused smile, feelings swinging in the opposite direction like a pendulum. Look at Jimin, panicking. Like a buzzing little bee. How cute. However, he can't just stand there and find joy in Jimin's distress, because his precious little doll needs him. He shoves Jimin out of the way to get to his darling boy.

"Shut up, Jimin." He sneers, shouldering the younger vocalist out of the way. He places his hand over Yoongi's delicate, bony one, gently squeezing it. Something about Yoongi's expression tells Seokjin that he probably doesn't even feel it.

"Yoongi-yah.. look at me; can you do that?" Yoongi slowly raises his head, his bleary, dazed eyes to meet Seokjin's, and Seokjin feels a strike of pride. What a good boy, listening him. He vocalizes this thought, refraining from cupping Yoongi's cheek in his hand(Jimin is watching, after all, that looks a little too intimate, even for them). "Good boy." He watches as a small, delicate smile flutters across Yoongi's pretty little lips at the praise, even as he sobs and shakes. How absolutely precious.

"Now tell me, Yoongi-yah. Can I get you anything?" He inquires gently, voice steady, adoring the way how pretty Yoongi looks with tears streaking down his face. He wants to kiss him.

"Water.. please." Yoongi's voice is rough at best, and Seokjin is so, so proud of him, and he slowly and kindly runs his fingers through Yoongi's sweaty hair, loving the way the rapper lets out a soft exhale and leans into his touch. He glances to Jimin, cocking an eyebrow at him. Thankfully, Jimin always brings multiple water bottles to practice, and the dancer jumps to his feet to get it for them.

He takes the bottle from Jimin, waiting for Yoongi to breathe properly so that he can drink without choking. As nice as Yoongi looks struggling for air, it wouldn't be good for his lungs to struggle any more than they already are today.

Once Yoongi's chest stops heaving, Seokjin cracks open the water bottle, bringing it to the rapper's lips to allow him to drink, which he does like a man dying, reaching for the bottle with trembling hands like he doesn't want help. Seokjin raises an eyebrow at him. He's not sure Yoongi even has the strength to do that-he looks half dead- but he allows him to take it.

It bothers him when Yoongi fumbles trying to put the cap back on, but Jimin takes up the task of capping the bottle when the rapper fails.

"Hyung." Jimin murmurs, angular eyes worried and serious. "Are you okay?" That's what Seokjin would like to know. He wants to shut Yoongi in their room separated from the world and keep him away from all the things that could effect him.

"I.. I'm good." He croaks out weakly after a long pause, and Seokjin can't quite hide the way his brows furrow in worry. Yoongi doesn't sound or look too good, if he's to be honest.

His worry intensifies when something clicks in Yoongi's gaze, and he bursts out into raspy, hysterical laughter. It sounds rough and painful and he sounds absolutely insane, before suddenly falling silent, shoulders shaking before all his movement stops. This isn't his Yoongi.

"Hey, hyung. You still here?" Jimin asks, waving a small hand in front of Yoongi's eyes and he blinks, eyes focusing on the younger male. Seokjin purses his lips.

"Yeah Jiminie. I'm here. I'm fine." Yoongi sighs, climbing to his feet with legs that look as wobbly as a foal's. "Let's keep going?" He asks evenly, but Seokjin and Jimin both hear that weak edge to his voice. The rapper is posturing, as always. It's weaker than normal though, and as easy to see through as a piece of glass.

"You're not going anywhere but home, Min Yoongi." Seokjin replies seriously, crossing his arms. Yoongi sighs as if he's signing his death warrant as Jimin nods in agreement. He looks very resigned as he makes a small, reluctant sound of agreement.

Seokjin doesn't let him go until they get back to the dorms. Just in case.

_____

Supper is an interesting affair. Yoongi doesn't come to the table until Namjoon actively brings him there. Normally, even if Yoongi doesn't particularly want to eat, he joins them at the table at least. He's silent. Everyone is painfully obvious, focusing on the shortest rapper, who isn't eating. He's not even attempting to, not pushing his food around on his plate, just staring at it for a long few minutes.

Something breaks though after a while, and Yoongi slowly begins to eat. It takes a while though. He makes it look like every bite, every swallow is a struggle, and all of the boys stare at him intently. How absolutely subtle.

They make Seokjin want to facepalm. Seriously, if they were going to be like that, they could have been a little more subtle. Only Taehyung is acting normally, bless him, but Taehyung seems to be perpetually in a state of obliviousness. Seokjin is only a little thankful, because of course it's Taehyung who is the one to ask when Hoseok is coming home. Trust him to bring up the elephant in the room.

"I'll go get him if it gets out of hand and he works too long." Yoongi speaks up for the first time that day, and Seokjin is almost relieved to hear Yoongi's voice for the first time after that.. incident in the practice room.

"Yoongi-yah, are you sure?" Seokjin asks, brows furrowed. He's not sure Yoongi should be handling something like a potentially snappish Hoseok after what had happened during practice.

"Hyung, you didn't exactly have the best day, yeah? I can go instead. You should sleep tonight." Namjoon offers, clearly thinking the same thing as Seokjin.

"Don't bother. I'll do it." Yoongi sounds snappish, hands balling into fists on top of the table, and everyone seems to freeze, scared of what could happen next. Yoongi is in a fragile state right now, after all.

"Hyung." Taehyung gently takes Yoongi's clenched fist off the table, and Seokjin spies as he laces their fingers together, running his thumb over the back of Yoongi's hand. It makes him grip his chopsticks a little harder. As innocent as Taehyung is, that right there is too intimate for Seokjin's taste. "It's alright-- you can be the one to bring back Hobi-hyung for me. Thank you." He murmurs, low, normally soothing voice grating on Seokjin's ears.

"Of course." Yoongi nods, mumbling.

"Are you sure, Yoongi-yah?" Seokjin inquires, lips pursing in displeasure. He doesn't think Yoongi can handle it. Unfortunately, Yoongi does, and when Yoongi really wants something.. well. Yoongi usually gets it.

"Yeah, hyung. I got it." The rapper mutters, taking a sip of water before shoving a lettuce wrap in his mouth. Yoongi looks cute with bulging cheeks. It's hard for any of the boys to suppress a smile, despite the heavy atmosphere.

____

Seokjin is awoken by the creaking and dipping of his mattress. At first, he assumes it's a maknae, since Yoongi never sneaks into his bed, but the frame is too small to be Taehyung or Jungkook, and Jimin never has been one to cuddle up to him. However, in the dimness of their room, his eyes catch a familiar hair color.

"Yoongi-yah?" He can't help but be surprised, but his voice is purposefully low with sleepiness. Not that he isn't pleased to be wrong, but there must be a reason that Yoongi is sneaking into his bed of all beds. As precious as he is, Yoongi is far more prone to sneaking in with the maknaes or Namjoon.

"Jinnie-hyung." Oh. Oh, no, that won't do. His doll sounds like he's about to cry, bottom lip quivering, and a rush of indignation runs through Seokjin. Only he's allowed to make Yoongi cry, make him let out those pretty sobs, be the reason why his whole frame trembles with shuddering breaths. That's only a Seokjin privilege.

"Get off, Yoongi-yah. It's cold on top of the blankets." He murmurs, nudging him gently towards the edge of the bed so that he can lift the blanks for Yoongi to crawl under with him when he realizes the little rapper looks panicked, scrambling away like he'd been shot at. Like he's on the edge of another mental breakdown. He looks terrified. Ah, that's no good. "Hey calm down. Where are you going?" Seokjin soothes, lifting the covers up.

"I'm not mad, Yoongi-yah. Come on, you need to get some sleep." He murmurs gently, and is pleased when Yoongi looks at him hesitantly. He's even more pleased when Yoongi waddles back over to him, and he smiles reassuringly, absolutely over the moon as his dongsaeng climbs into bed with him. He reaches for him, pulling the smaller male close, indefinitely pleased when Yoongi allows him to do so without being bratty.

"Hobi wouldn't listen to me. Told me to get the fuck out.. why was he so angry at me? I just want him to be healthy.. He's gonna run himself into the ground, Jinnie-hyung, Gonna crash and burn. Why wouldn't he listen to me?" A mix of annoyance and pleasure settles in Seokjin's chest as Yoongi's words come out a babbling mess, distress clear for Seokjin to see. The amount of hold Hoseok seems to have over his doll is something that needs to be altered, but Seokjin can work with what he has. After all, right now, Yoongi is trusting him with his thoughts and feelings. That counts for something.

"Leave him be, Yoongi-yah. He'll come around eventually." He finds himself saying, perhaps with a little more force than necessary. He doesn't mean to, but he would really like for Hoseok to keep his hands off of his things.

"I hope." He hears Yoongi mumble in that hushed voice of his, and Seokjin has to suppress the possessive growl that bubbles up inside his chest. Instead, he just squeezes him a little closer, to remind him who he should be giving his attention to. Seokjin watches as the rapper falls asleep in his arms, comforted by the heartbeat thrumming against his chest. A slow smile creeps across his face.

"Don't worry, Yoongi-yah." He croons gently, kissing the top of Yoongi's fluffy hair in a loving manner. "I'll talk to Hoseok for you."

_

It's early in the morning when Seokjin drags himself out of bed. He's reluctant-- Yoongi looks absolutely precious curled up on top of him, like a little kitten. It's rather tempting to wake him by pinching his soft sides and watch him mewl with discomfort, and try to squirm to get away. However, he has things to do this morning, that require Yoongi stay out of his business, so he most carefully eases himself out from under the smaller male, making sure not to wake him. It's quite a feat, considering that Yoongi has gotten easier and easier to accidentally wake over the years.

Running a hand through his hair, Seokjin saunters over to their closet, choosing his clothes for the day. He settles on a fleecy sweater and his favorite pair of black jeans, which are now a soft charcoal gray, due to having been worn so many times over the years. His outfit purposefully casual yet put together, and with one last glance at the small male sleeping in his bed, exits the room.

First, he peeks his head into Jimin, Jungkook and Hoseok's room. The two maknaes are curled up beside each other in one bed, but Hoseok's was perfectly made. Untouched. Hoseok still hasn't come home yet. "..Hyung?" Jimin's eyes crack open as the door creaks slightly, but instead of making eye contact with the hyung he had expected, he blinks in surprise. "What's up?" He whispers, careful to not wake Jungkook, but Seokjin shakes his head.

"Was looking for Hoseok, Jiminie. Go back to sleep." He soothes quietly, closing the door as silently as possible.

With a quiet grumble, he goes to grab a cup of coffee from the kitchen. As he waits for the water to filter through the machine, his eyes drift to the time that flashes on the front of the microwave.

He pours himself a cup, adding his customary cream and a hint of sugar before settling himself down right in the middle of the couch in the living room. At this position, there's no way for Hoseok to come back in without Seokjin seeing him. All he has to do is sit and wait; it's seven thirty now, has only been two and a half hours since Yoongi can home distraught, but Seokjin, unlike the rapper has had a decent amount of sleep. Not a whole lot, but a decent amount.

He sips at his coffee, reaching for a magazine that rests on their small coffee table, flipping through it to pass the time. It's another half hour later when he finally hears the door to the dorms creak open, and the sound of Hoseok cursing under his breath as he kicks off his shoes by the door.

"Hoseokie." Seokjin calls out, specifically using that stupid nickname that Yoongi has for Hoseok when he's in a particularly touchy mood that Seokjin absolutely hates, but it's enough to make the dancer's head shoot up, eyes wide as Seokjin stands up, striding towards him. He corners Hoseok in the doorway, not even letting him get to the living room.

The smile crosses Seokjin's face is purposefully threatening as he plays the protective roommate, and he knows Hoseok sees it as his heart shaped lips falls from a neutral line to a grimace.

"Hyung." Hoseok winces as Seokjin gets a little too close for comfort. Fortunately, Hoseok has nothing to worry about. Seokjin is certain that the dancer doesn't have half as cute of a crying face as Yoongi does. If anything, a crying Hoseok is an ugly Hoseok, and that's really not a face Seokjin wants to see early in the mornings.

"Yoongi's really upset with you, Hoseokie. You really made him upset. He came crying to me, you know, I think you hurt him a lot." Seokjin digs, reveling in all of the emotions that are battling in the younger male's head. He can pick out the regret in his eyes, easy. There's also horror, fear, worry, all dancing across his features. "He might not forgive you this time." Seokjin adds, pressing the wild grin that threatens to overtake his features into a serious frown as distress settles itself over Hoseok's face.

Seokjin knows that despite Yoongi's initial sadness, Yoongi has already forgiven Hoseok-Yoongi is such a _nice_  boy- but Seokjin is getting tired of his precious doll being so damn close to the dancer. Seokjin sees the look in Hoseok's eyes when he looks at Yoongi; he's not blind. He sees that pure admiration that has recently been tainted with something Seokjin hasn't quite been able to figure out, but it's enough to start a fire under him, to make him want to drive a wedge between the two them.

"What should I do, hyung?" Hoseok sounds almost despairing. "I really didn't mean to hurt him, I was out of it, I didn't mean any of it! He gives good advice and is so tolerant and just is genuinely good, I would never say anything cruel on purpose!"

"Apologize to him, _Hoseokie_. But if he doesn't want to talk to you, you better back down-- he's been through enough these past days." Seokjin says, allowing his words to be biting and sharp. The acid in his voice isn't just an act either. If Yoongi ever comes crying to him again over Hoseok.. well. Seokjin will make sure to break their bond into such small pieces it'll be impossible to put them back together. _Too bad for your ship, ARMYs._  Only Seokjin is allowed to make Yoongi cry.

_____

 

Act 3- Illusions

 

Who does Yoongi think he is, challenging his authority? Seokjin lets out an animalistic growl, frustration clear for all to see as he paces around. He wants to pull his goddamn hair out. Thankfully the boys are out shopping in the streets of Seoul wearing their generic face masks and hats as disguise, because Seokjin is not in the mood to deal with any of Bangtan's bullshit.

If they were here, Seokjin would make no promises that his hands would remain clean of blood. He grabs for the refrigerator door, yanking it open angrily as he snatches the vegetables within. He washes them off vigorously, before pulling out a chopping board and getting to work, imagining the give underneath the blade to to be the one of human flesh. It's only a fantasy through. Seokjin knows he wouldn't be able to bear stabbing his precious Yoongi(even if Yoongi definitely fucking deserves it). Seokjin is benevolent, Seokjin is kind. Yoongi is lucky Seokjin is so nice.

He chops the poor vegetables aggressively to let off some steam, taking out his anger on them, pretending that they're something less innocent than simple veggies. The marks left behind on the wooden cutting board can attest to that, taking the abuse that Seokjin dishes out. He throws the vegetables into a bowl before taking chicken out of the refrigerator after a moment of mental debate with himself(chicken or beef which one had he promised Jungkook for supper tonight?). He chops the poultry just as aggressively as he had the veggies, before washing his hands and searching for seasonings that would go properly with what he's planning.

After he finds them, he prepares the rest of what's going to be their meal, marinating the meat, mushrooms, vegetables, soaking the fern bracken for later preparation as if he's trying to cook away his frustration and anger. After there is nothing left for him to pre-prepare, he goes about putting everything up for him to be able to easily grab later.

Taking a deep breath, he then goes about tidying up his mess, on a cleaning spree would have made Hoseok proud. Unfortunately, having completed putting away and wiping down everything, there's nothing left for him to do, and he finds himself resuming his pacing.

The front door slams and there's the sound of fumbling feet and laughing from the maknae line as they return from their shopping trip. It seems like they had fun, but that joyousness only serves to irritate Seokjin further. While Jimin looks more focused on getting down the hall to get to their room and Taehyung is clinging onto him from behind, Seokjin feels Jungkook's gaze fall to him for a serious moment.

There is no eye contact on Seokjin's part; he doesn't even look up from his pacing, but he knows that Jungkook's confused, and his brows are probably furrowed in that way they always do when he's concentrating. He doesn't care. Not right now. Jungkook can come to whatever conclusions he wants, but Seokjin can't handle this right now. The pitter-patter of the maknae line's feet disappear down the hall, and Seokjin allows himself to sink down against the counter, emotionally exhausted. Fuck everything. Yoongi needs retraining.

He's so goddamn frustrated he could laugh. Why? What he did he ever do to deserve such a brat? He's always been a good caretaker, so why is his little toy so fucking disobedient? Oh, fuck it. Seokjin stalks his way out of the kitchen, towards the living room. He seriously needs some stress relief-- possibly in the form of Mario.

_____

  
He's cooled down a few hours later, when he has to return to his room to get his bag for practice. He sighs. Yoongi should have reflected on what he had done wrong by now. Normally, he would make Yoongi repent further, but he thinks with how hard he had hit Yoongi earlier, he thinks Yoongi has been, for the most part, punished enough.

That doesn't mean Yoongi is getting off scot-free though. Originally, Seokjin was just going to forbid him from talking to Hoseok. Hoseok has gotten too confident where he stands with Seokjin's toy and needs to be reminded where he belongs, but now Yoongi isn't allowed to talk to anyone. He doesn't deserve to. Talking to people- socializing- is a privilege that only good boys get. Yoongi has not been a good boy.

He reaches for the doorknob, going to open it, and his eyes narrow when it rattles, locked.

"Get up, we need to go already!" He calls through the door, and hears a vague mumble of _'coming'_  from the other side. The door swings open and Seokjin steps through, staring intently at Yoongi's face. He had hit him with a fair amount of strength, hard enough to definitely bruise, but his skin is unblemished by hematomas. He stares a bit harder, only stopping when he realizes the rapper's dark, permanent under eye circles are gone too. "Yoongi-yah.." That's when it hits him.

Makeup. Yoongi is wearing makeup to hide the marks of his punishment. He wants to ask if Yoongi is hiding it in his humiliation. If he doesn't want the others to know that he's been a bad boy. He doesn't question it, and ignores Yoongi's question of _'hyung?'_  He just pushes past him to grab his practice bag. After all, he's still mad at him. Yoongi doesn't deserve too much of his attention.

"Go and wait in the van, Yoongi. Don't talk to anyone unless it's the manager hyungs that ask you something. You can answer them." Seokjin says to him coldly, and watches as Yoongi flees the room. Once Yoongi is gone, Seokjin goes about looking around Yoongi's things curiously. He just wants to make sure he's right. He finds the cushion refill in Yoongi's little nightstand, but doesn't touch it, closing the little drawer. He only wanted to confirm. Now that he knows what he wants to, he exits the room, heading to the van.

Once he climbs in, he nods to the manager-hyung that they're all ready to go, eyes focusing on Yoongi, who made a smart move and sat away from Hoseok and the maknaes. Yoongi keeps his head down and his mouth closed the whole ride. Seokjin sees when Namjoon nudges Yoongi, and finds himself smiling when Yoongi says nothing, giving a small shake of his head. At least he knows how to be obedient now.

To Seokjin's pleasure, Yoongi is silent throughout practice. No remarks are made, no acknowledgement of the other members' existences. That is, until about two hours in.

"Yoongi-hyung." Yoongi's head snaps up when he hears Hoseok say his name, and so does Seokjin's. He looks vaguely alarmed, but doesn't say anything. Yoongi's eyes meet his, and Seokjin mouths _'Don't you dare,'_  and is pleased when Yoongi's mouth remains shut.

Seokjin watches as Hoseok persistently attempts to speak to the shorter rapper, and has to actively refrain from grinning when Hoseok snaps. "Don't you avoid me, Min Yoongi." Seokjin averts his gaze as if he's not enjoying what's going down. "You're being real childish, you know?" Hoseok says snippily, but still, remains on the end of silence.

"Stay after practice-- you're off the beat again." Hokseok finally gives up, and Yoongi just takes a gulp of water instead of saying something. Seokjin cocks his head slightly at them, and Taehyung catches his gaze.

"I'm gonna go cheer up Yoongi-hyung." Taehyung murmurs to him. Seokjin can't stop him without looking suspicious, so he allows the second maknae to go make contact, scaring Yoongi slightly. Seokjin has to hide a smile at Yoongi's skittishness.

His smile, however, falls when Taehyung starts nuzzling the top of Yoongi's head, a stroke of possessiveness hitting him. However, Taehyung doesn't cling for too long, nuzzling Yoongi once more before letting go, bounding back towards the maknae line with a grin set in place.

Yoongi closes his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose, and Seokjin turns his attention to Namjoon. Everything is okay, for now. Seeing this, Seokjin thinks he can trust the rapper to act accordingly once Hoseok holds him back in the room so that they can talk.

_____

  
Hoseok doesn't look happy when he gets back to the dorms an hour after everyone else had already returned. Seokjin is waiting for him on the couch, taking pleasure from the defeated drag of the dancer's feet against the floor.

"How'd it go, Hobi?" He asks, plastering a worried but gentle look on his face. Hoseok winces, and Seokjin resists the pleased expression that threatens to overtake him, like a cat that had gotten the cream. Wonderful, truly wonderful. Instead, he allows his features to morph into something more understanding and sympathetic.

"He didn't talk to me, hyung." Hoseok replies heavily. "Not one word. He nodded when I asked if we were okay, but flinched when I touched him and fled as fast as he possibly could." Hoseok looks absolutely distraught, and Seokjin reaches out to put a comforting hand on the dancer's shoulder. "We've never been like this before! Even accidental mean words were quickly forgiven." Hoseok sighs deeply, before smiling weakly. To Seokjin's utmost satisfaction, it looks more like a grimace. "I don't know what changed."

"Things change even if everything seems the same on the surface, Hoseok. Don't hurt yourself thinking about it too much."

____

  
He doesn't think about it much at first. Sure, Yoongi isn't home yet, but sometimes he's gone for a while. As long as Yoongi isn't out with someone else, it's fine. Seokjin just sends him a quick text. Yoongi always responds sooner rather than later. Everything is fine.

Everything is fine, he tells himself again, but thirty minutes later, with that statement, he's lying to himself and Yoongi still hasn't responded. It's upsetting, truth be told. Yoongi always responds to him within ten minutes of sending a message-- even when he's in his stuck-in-the-studio mode. He's attached to his phone at this point, waiting for a reply.

"Where is he?" Seokjin asks out loud, frowning slightly. Maybe one of the others has heard from him. He goes to seek out the maknae line. Yoongi is weak for them- maybe they had heard something from him. He finds them in the living room playing some game or another, and he leans over the edge of the couch, hands resting on the back.

"Taetae, have you heard from Yoongi?" He inquires, cocking his head, and Taehyung pauses the game, lifting his chin so that look at the elder male upside down, wide eyed. Seokjin pinches the boy's cheek gently. He looks like a fucking puppy, especially with that longer, fluffy hair this new concept has him in. Taehyung pouts.

"Hyung, don't pinch." He complains, batting away Seokjin's hand so that he can answer the other's question. "I haven't heard from him. Should I have? Something up?" Seokjin shrugs.

"I texted him thirty minutes ago, but he hasn't even looked at it. What about you guys? Kookie? Jiminie?" He asks, addressing the other two members in the room as he bends over as that he can rest his chin on Taehyung's shoulder. The other two shrug as Taehyung scooches back into the couch cushions so that he can be in the crook of Seokjin's shoulder.

"Nah. I don't think I have." Jungkook drawls, unpausing the game on screen just to shoot Taehyung's character like the brat he is. Jimin makes a negative sound apologetically, shaking his head.

"I texted him, but he didn't reply to me either." Jimin says, shrugging. "I just assumed he was busy. You know how he gets when he's working." He pauses for a moment, thinking, "But then again, he always answers you, so maybe you don't know."

Seokjin lets out a little huff. "Call him, Jiminie." He whines childishly and nuzzling Taehyung's hair, Taehyung patting his hyung's head to the best of his ability at the awkward angle.

"Don't worry, Jin-hyung. Yoongi-hyung is Yoongi-hyung, you gould trust in him. He can handle himself." Taehyung offers reassuringly, only for Seokjin to gently tug at a tuft of Taehyung's hair between two fingers.

"Yah. Just because he can handle himself doesn't mean he's immune to bad things." Seokjin chides quietly. What if Yoongi had gotten into trouble? Or if sasaeng fans had managed to find him? Something has to be done. "Should we call the manager-hyungs?"

"It's only been thirty minutes, hyung. Not even an hour. We should give him some time, huh?" Jungkook says as Jimin calls, only to hear a constant ringing. Yoongi doesn't pick up, and Jimin frowns.

"He normally picks up.." He says, cocking his head, and Seokjin's expression falls to match Jimin's. What's going on? Something must be happening. It has to be. There's no other reason Yoongi would ignore him-- Yoongi knows there are consequences for not responding to Seokjin.

"Let's wait thirty more minutes before we call again, hyung." Taehyung suggests, low voice soothing. Seokjin sinks into Taehyung's shoulder with another whine. "Look, to take your mind off of it, why don't we play Mario?" At Taehyung's words, Jungkook makes a sound of displeasure, but stands to change the game. Seokjin looks like he could use a game right about now to take his mind off of things.

Seokjin whines, but Jimin and Taehyung grab his hands and pull him to join them on the couch. Jungkook tosses the extra controller at them, and Jimin catches it easily, handing it to Seokjin as Taehyung throws an arm over Seokjin's broad shoulders. "I bet I'll beat you, Jin-hyung." Taehyung challenges, and Seokjin narrows his eyes at him.

"You're on."

____

"He still hasn't replied." Seokjin stresses, pacing in front of the couch. It's been three hours, and none of them have heard a peep from the small rapper. Taehyung bites at his bottom lip, fingers flying across the keyboard of his phone, and Seokjin's has been ringing for the past five minutes without an answer. Every time, he's gone to voice mail, and he's automatically hung up and attempted again.

"Jiminie, go get Namjoon. Something isn't right." He commands, and is thankful when Jimin jumps up to do as he's told without questioning, before raising his voice, calling for the last person that had seen his Yoongi. "Hoseok!"

Hoseok responds by shuffling out of his room moments later, still not looking very happy. He was most likely stressing out in his bedroom. "Hyung?" He questions, and Seokjin looks him dead in the eye.

"Have you heard from Yoongi-chi since he left you at the practice room?" He inquires seriously, and Hoseok suddenly looks a bit nervous.

"No. Have you?" He asks in return, sounding defensive, as if he thinks Seokjin is accusing him of something bad. Seokjin shakes his head. He has a feeling Hoseok thinks he's looking for someone to blame for Yoongi's disappearance, but he's not. Not yet.

"I texted him over three hours ago. I never got a message in reply, and he's been ignoring all phone calls and all messages from me, Jiminie, Kook and even Taetae." Hoseok's expression falls from defensive to worried in a heartbeat.

"Oh. I haven't heard anything, but I figured he'd want some space from me for a while." Hoseok sighs, running a tired, worried hand through his hair. How absolutely disappointing. Seokjin resumes his pacing, ignoring the, _'You're gonna wear a hole in the floor, hyung,'_ from Jungkook. Seokjin doesn't have time for his sass. It takes all of his strength and willpower to not slap him.

"Jin-hyung. Yoongi-hyung is missing?" Ah, there's Namjoon, wide eyed, a little worried, but eager to please as always. Someone who might be helpful.

"Call Yoongi-chi, he might pick up for you." He commands, and Namjoon does so without a second thought. If anyone else, Yoongi never ignores their leader. However, the call goes to voicemail, and Namjoon, like everyone else in the room, lets out the anticipating breath they had collectively been holding. Fuck. Fuck everything.

"Guys, I'll call Seijin-hyung, ask him to call Yoongi-hyung. If Yoongi-hyung doesn't answer him, we'll call all the manager hyungs over. We're always supposed to answer our phones for at least them, so if he doesn't answer.. well. We'll check the studio first; that's the first place he tends to go. If he's not there, we need to put out a search; we'll have to go to his favorite places to hide in the city." Namjoon is taking charge, and if only for only a moment, Seokjin can breathe. It still feels like there's a weight on his chest, the unknown, but it's a little lighter. They will find Yoongi. They need to find Yoongi. They have to.

It takes another thirty minutes for all of their managers to get there. None of them are smiling as Namjoon lets them through the door, and the air inside the dorms is intense with negative energy. Seijin, dependable as he is, had gotten there within ten minutes. The others had taken a little longer, but each time another showed up, the air crackled with electricity. It radiates off of Seokjin like a lightening storm, unpredictable and worrying.

He can't breathe. He can't breathe. What if something seriously bad has happened? What if Yoongi was kidnapped? Murdered? Bad things happen; that's the way of this world. Just because Yoongi is an idol does not mean he's immune. Hell, he probably draws bad things in, like stalkers, sasaengs, antis.. there's a whole slew of things that can get him! His chest is heaving; they have to find Yoongi. They have to. They have to. Have to. Seokjin needs Yoongi; Yoongi needs Seokjin. They're one and of the same. What if Yoongi doesn't come home? Suddenly, there's a touch, grounding him in reality. "Don't worry, hyung. They'll find him." Taehyung's low voice reverberates through Seokjin's chest, and he nods slowly. Of course. Of course they're going to find him. They have to. Seokjin needs him, after all.

"Hobeom, can you check the studios first?" Seijin is asking, and said manager nods seriously in reply. "If you don't find him there, call us. We'll spread out and search. If you do find him, call us anyway, to let us know he's safe."

"I want to go too!" Hoseok interjects, a look of determination on his face. Seokjin makes a clucking sound. Clearly Hoseok feels guilty for chasing Yoongi away. He's trying to redeem himself by finding him. Namjoon makes a sound of protest, but Hoseok's expression is unmovable. Hobeom sighs, but nods in vague understanding. He knows Hoseok and Yoongi are close.

"Come on, Hobi. Let's get going, then." Hobeom says, heading towards the front door, Hoseok jogging up catch up with him. Once they leave, Jimin is the first to speak.

"Do you think they'll find him there?" He asks in a small voice, and Namjoon can only place a hand on Jimin's shoulder as their managers offer him thin, forced smiles. The answer is obvious. They doubt it. Yoongi would have answered their call if he had. The room falls to silence, and all they can do is wait.

When they get the call, no more than fifteen minutes have passed, but it feels like an eternity. Yoongi is nowhere to be found, which causes an instant uproar. The rest of Bangtan is forced to stay, since they can't afford to lose track of another member, much to the maknae line's protests. However, all of their managers-and only their managers- flood out of the doors of the dorms and into the streets, wearing masks and frowns of their faces.

And so the manhunt begins.

____

 

Act 4- Omelas

 

Seokjin stares. He stares at the floor, head angled downward in a deferring manner. God, Namjoon talks too much. He hasn't let Seokjin say a word since he had opened his mouth. Seokjin is only half listening, hearing things like _Seijin-hyung_  and some other of their manager's names. He looks properly chastised, he knows.

"Look, Seokjin-hyung, I know we all had it rough, were stressed, and while Jimin did act out, you can't just do something like that." Namjoon is saying softly as to not draw the attention of Jungkook and Taehyung who are passing by on their way to speak to Yoongi and Jimin respectively-Taehyung is holding a bag of ice in the palms of his hands and Seokjin can't help but wonder where he had gotten it since he and Namjoon are hoarding the kitchen- but Namjoon otherwise doesn't acknowledge their dongsaengs' existences, his low voice is insistent, and it makes Seokjin want to deck him in the face. Who is he to tell Seokjin what he can or can't do? Who is he to threaten to bring up this issue with the manager things or Bang PD?

At least his expression is just as devoted as always, like he doesn't want for Seokjin to get in trouble. Of course he doesn't want Seokjin to get in trouble. He adores him, after all. Seokjin had carefully cultured Namjoon's affection for him, just in case. It's a good thing too, because certainly, had he not, Namjoon would have told on him to their manager hyungs, who would have then gone to their company. Jimin always has been a favorite of theirs, much to Seokjin's bitter, bitter disappointment. Bang PD has never called Jimin fat to his face.

"I know." His voice cracks as he responds to Namjoon's words and he keeps his eyes glued downwards to obscure the faint smirk that adorns his lips. "I didn't mean to Joonie, I swear, but you know how important Yoongi is to me; he was gone for hours and we couldn't contact him at all and then for Jiminie to act as if _I'm_ the problem.." He sniffles, "I was hurt and took it out on him wrongly."

Seokjin flickers his gaze upwards, and at this point his wide eyes are wet with tears and slightly red. He's pleased to see that Namjoon's own expression is distraught at the sight of his teary-eyed hyung. His leader hesitantly reaches out for him, placing his hands on Seokjin's shoulders, and it's so very different from all those amicable shoulder pats or their other skinship. Those are Namjoon being daring, borderline flirting even under the pretense of it being for the fans, but this.. this is him trying to get a point across. Seokjin would know. He's done the same thing before.

With trembling lips, Seokjin takes a leaf from Yoongi's book, allowing himself to mimic his dogsaeng's behavior from the other night, allowing his words to come out rushed, stumbling, filled with apologies of _'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,'_ and little sobs of _'I never meant to do that, I swear, Joonie!'_  To his pleasure, Namjoon hushes him kindly, so very obviously worried. How absolutely gullible.

"Hyung. I get it. He's your best friend. Jiminie forgives you. I forgive you, but you can't do this again." Namjoon says gently(attempting to sound stern but failing), before pulling him into a heartfelt hug in an attempt to comfort him. Seokjin internally scoffs. _Weak_. He supposes it's a good thing Namjoon is gullible through. Despite that high IQ, the younger male likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, likes to believe in the goodness in humanity. He's a fool.

Seokjin would gladly do more than manhandle Park Jimin if he thought he could get away with it. Maybe break his legs to take away the dancing Jimin loves so much, but Jimin is their fans' sweetheart. He can't do that without serious repercussions and threatening Bangtan's careers as a whole, but if he could.. oh he would in a heartbeat. That little imp does far too much skinship with Seokjin's Yoongi, and Yoongi allows it. Even worse, Yoongi returns it. It makes Seokjin want to break his fingers.

Either way, he takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I won't, Joonie. Never again. I promise." He murmurs weakly, allowing himself to sink into the hug. He can feel Namjoon's heart beating a mile a minute against his chest, and he buries his face in the crook of the rapper's neck, frame shaking with silent laughter. Namjoon holds him tighter in response, tracing comforting circles on Seokjin's back when tears begin to soak his shirt. Somehow he doesn't pull away in disgust, and continues to attempt to comfort him. It only makes Seokjin shake harder. He has to disguise the giddy laugh that escapes his lips as a sob.

______

 

Seokjin isn't stupid. Really, he isn't. He knows that the moment Yoongi had approached him that something was up. Yoongi is the type to like to play hard to get, after all.

When Yoongi had sat down beside him, had started a conversation off of camera, he had to have had a motive. Seokjin had indulged him for a while, talking about his talk with Namjoon, about hair conditioner, initiating skinship. The normal things that people do, maybe a little undertone of playful banter.

Even so, he sees that discomfort in Yoongi's eyes when things get a little too intimate, but he strings him along. He knows what Yoongi wants. Yoongi wants assurance that Seokjin won't go after the maknaes. Yoongi always has been foolishly weak for them, and is even willing to put his head in Seokjin's lap for them. Well. He has to let Yoongi know that he's aware of what he's trying to do.

He runs his fingers through Yoongi's coarse, bleached hair. "You've been really out of it recently, Yoongi-yah." He remarks softly, and he's genuinely troubled by this fact. At least Yoongi can't run off again. "Something bad will happen if this keeps going on." Bang PD might send him to a psychiatrist. Neither Yoongi, Seokjin, or Bangtan can afford for Yoongi to spill his guts in some shrink's office.

"Can't help it." Yoongi mumbles, and he seems to be truthful. Seokjin has gotten good at telling when Yoongi is lying over the course of the years. "I really don't mean to hyung.. I just.. get lost in my head."

Seokjin hums faintly, tangling his fingers through the back of Yoongi's hair, tugging a little bit. It's not an accidental tug, rather purposeful, actually, and Yoongi tilts his head to up at Seokjin through his bangs. How cute. Seokjin wants to see him choke, wants to feel his throat spasming around his dick. It's punishment for attempting to manipulate him-- after all, how dare he?

Seokjin's grip suddenly tightens, pulling Yoongi's head back to expose his throat, and Yoongi's eyes widen. "What's with this behavior, huh, Yoongi-yah?" He asks, eyes sharp. "Trying to soften me up? Maybe I'll pay more attention to you than the darling maknaes, right?" He laughs. How cute. Yoongi really does treasure their dongsaengs. "You want to please me?" Yoongi nods quickly, Seokjin's voice sickly sweet.

"We're going to have to set some rules, Yoongi-yah. You break them, and someone has to handle the consequences.. whether it be you, Hoseok, or Jimin. Maybe even Taehyungie, yeah? Someone will have to 'pay your dues' as you called it." He croons, knowing that Yoongi would never do anything to hurt the other boys. It's funny, really how much he pretends to not care, but at the same time, is willing to sacrifice his entire body for them.

"Come on now." Seokjin yanks on his hair a little more to make the rapper turn over, and while Yoongi hisses quietly, he obeys all the same. "You should know what I want by now." At those words, Yoongi obediently nuzzles Seokjin's groin, as blood starts to rush downwards at the power he holds over him. However, Seokjin doesn't let Yoongi wait for more than a few seconds.

"Unbutton my pants, baby, and drop your jaw." Yoongi does as he's told, Seokjin pushing his flaccid cock down his throat, clearly doing his very best not to convulse when the length pushes down into his throat. He still chokes, but keeps going until his nose is buried in the soft, neatly trimmed hair at the base of Seokjin's cock.

"What a good boy." The elder croons, caressing Yoongi's cheek, pleased by the hot, warm sensation. "You're gonna stay there and keep my cock warm for me until I feel like shoving it inside your slutty ass, aren't you?" Seokjin is absolutely pleased, seeing Yoongi all red eyed, trying not to cry, lips wrapped around his dick like he belongs there. He smiles. Perfect.

_____

Seokjin glances to his worn down toy that lay sleeping in his bed. Pale skin blemished with a lovely blossom of purple bruises on the cheek, no longer hidden by makeup. It's so very pretty; Seokjin couldn't help himself but wipe away the foundation and concealer while fucking the living daylights from his dongsaeng. Yoongi had whimpered, but had accepted the elder's actions with dazed, tear filled eyes, even as Seokjin went out of his way to ruin him.

It's something he can never get enough of. Yoongi's glassy eyes, unfocused and uncomprehending, his pretty pink lips parted and glossy from saliva and Seokjin's precum as he loses all conscious thought. It's precious, really. Seokjin will never get over that sight, nor will he get over the vulnerability the smaller male gives off in his sleep. It's all his. It's so.. pure. Seokjin loves the idea of giving him hope, then breaking him down all over again. He can only imagine what his baby's expression would be if he acted upon his impulse.

_Cute, probably._

Seokjin will never share him.

He refuses to.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, yes, I just ended this chapter with literally the exact same scene from last chapter. Secondly, I'm sorry this got out late. My dog died, my mom wouldn't stop crying at me because of the dog dying(it wasn't unexpected though; she was fifteen and according to the vet, had a brain tumor), and uni is seriously kicking my ass-- math in particular. I hope this chapter makes up for it being late; it's double the normal length at 10,000 words. However, I think I'm going to have to start posting every other week, which I didn't want to do, but my grades are seriously suffering guys. When I get a handle on my life, that's when I'll start updating weekly again. Much love-- don't forget to review! (Reviews give me life, you guys. Please.)


	7. Chapter 6- Mutationis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing. Whether for it's for the better or worse is unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about one month later.

 

 

Things haven't gotten any better with Hoseok. Yoongi has tried, seriously. He leaves little things for Hoseok to find. Snacks, water bottles, even a few small doodles--little things. He hasn't had the courage to speak to him face to face yet. He knows needs to, but he doesn't know if he ever will. He needs to stop being a coward and suck it up, but the idea of facing Hoseok makes him stomach churn with anxiety. It doesn't help that he and Hoseok have barely even had a conversation since the day in the practice room.

Hoseok seems dead set on avoiding being around him alone, and it makes it almost impossible to make anything up to him. He's been trying his best though, he really has. While they're on camera, when he's allowed to be touchy without too many repercussions, Yoongi even has tried to initiate hand-holding a few times, but always ends up backing down, unnerved when Hoseok either looks at him, or all of those irrational worries he has about how others perceive him just hit him like a truck all over again. Instead, he ends up going to Jimin or Taehyung, who easily give out cuddles and skinship like it's ingrained into their nature. Hell, it is ingrained into their nature. Yoongi, on the other hand, can only quietly relish in their touch and curse himself for his cowardly behavior.

"Yoongi-yah. Are you ready?" Yoongi jolts, fumbling for his suitcase in his exhaustion. It's too early for this. Jin only cocks his head in amusement, a smile that anyone else would take as fond on his lips. All Yoongi can see is condescendence. He doesn't make a comment on it through. He doesn't have the energy to be particularly snarky in the mornings.

"Yeah hyung. I'll be be in the van in a moment." The words come out as a croaky mumble, and Yoongi wills his voice to not sound bitter. He has to duck his head to hide the faint sneer that crosses his face as he brushes past Seokjin, a faint limp in his step as he pulls his suitcase out of the dorms to load.

He's too tired for this. He hasn't slept well in what feels like ages, been working more and sleeping less and now that they're going on tour, it's going to be even worse. He's lost fifteen pounds in the past month alone, though he supposes he's not complaining. Their concept director was ecstatic, and other people have noticed as well. Taehyung has brought it up subtly, after hugging him, mentioning that he's gotten smaller. Jungkook has been giving him those damn _looks_  that are somehow knowing and yet questioning-not to mention downright unsettling- all at once any time he sees Yoongi in anything less than baggy and oversized, and Namjoon had prodded him in the side one night while the two of them were in the studio, remarking on the fact he's gotten so skinny. To his annoyance, their leader had taken it upon himself to make sure he eats properly once a day. While he supposed he appreciates the thought, he doesn't have time to actually eat, and Namjoon is throwing off his schedule. There are only so many hours in a day, after all.

It's not just band members making comments either, but the rest aren't as positive, to Yoongi's dismay. Even fans have been saying he's looking spindly, sicker, that his skin is sallow and dull. Because of this, he's taken to constantly hiding under layers of cushion foundation and concealer, even when he's not bruised. He thinks he looks fine. He looks pretty. His cheeks are more angular and he's kept his pallor. He's recently taken to adding blush to his face to look a little more 'alive' as the fans call it. It seems to make them happier.

It's dark outside as he steps into the outdoor air. It reeks of gasoline and rubber and of the city in general, even at four in the morning. Yoongi wrinkles his nose at the scent.

"Yoongi-hyung!" Taehyung and Jimin call, gesturing for him from the open door of the van the moment his feet touch the concrete of the parking area. He cocks his head faintly, showing his dongsaengs that they have his attention. Jimin smiles, and Taehyung is wearing his customary grin. "Come sit by us, hyung." Taehyung says, and Jimin hops out of the van to take his luggage and place it in the back. He's one of the last ones out besides Seokjin and Namjoon, and honestly, Yoongi has no qualms about leaving his hyung with his leader. Namjoon probably won't ever have to face Seokjin's wrath, after all.

"We'll even let you have a window seat." Jimin pipes up as he places Yoongi's suitcase on top of the other luggage bags in the back. Taehyung nods agreeably.

"And Jiminie will take the other window seat because his legs are smaller and can actually fit behind the other seats." Taehyung teases, yelping when Jimin jogs back around the van to hit him on the shoulder. Yoongi hides a smile behind his hand as he climbs into the van and settles himself into the back right seat, Taehyung following right behind him and flopping himself down in the middle seat, Jimin taking the left. He purposefully doesn't look at Hoseok, who's sprawled across the middle row comfortably, texting someone on his phone.

Yoongi raises a bemused eyebrow at Taehyung. "Is that the reason I'm also in a window seat, huh?" He asks, and lets out a little laugh when Taehyung realizes the affront he's committed.

"Of course not, hyung! You just deserve a nice view!" He replies quickly, voice warm and playful. Yoongi shoves at him lightly, the three of them laughing quietly, before Taehyung falls silent, gaze intense as he looks at Yoongi. Yoongi stops laughing.

"What?" He asks, suddenly subconscious. Taehyung shakes his head, long, fluffy bangs swishing back and forth in his eyes as he does so. Yoongi doesn't know how he can stand it; his hair poking him in the eyes constantly.

"It's just been a while since I've seen you laugh." Taehyung says quietly.

"We've missed it." Jimin adds, the two younger members offering Yoongi small, identical smiles that seem almost shy.

"Oh." Yoongi shifts a bit, awkwardly returning their smiles with hesitance. He, personally, would attribute it to his exhaustion, but he's surprised they've noticed. It's not like he's sad or anything, but he supposes the maknae line always has been more perceptive than they appear.

"Stay by us more, hyung." Jimin says. "We'll make sure to make you smile." Yoongi opens his mouth, as if to say something, but he's speechless. Taehyung is silent, but his eyes are warm and accepting and he tosses an amicable arm over Yoongi's shoulders, nuzzling his smallest hyung as if to show his agreement with Jimin's statement(the shortest vocalist has recently overtaken Yoongi in height, much to Jimin's pleasure and Yoongi's disgruntlement).

"You guys look like you're having fun." Jungkook remarks, cocking his head slightly from the seats in front of them, and Yoongi realizes he's been observing them since they had gotten in. Or rather, observing Yoongi in particular. His round eyes are sharp and alert. Calculating. Yoongi had assumed he'd have his earbuds in already, watching whatever video that was trending on the internet or playing some type of game on his phone, but it seems Jungkook is more focused on him recently, at least while Yoongi is in the room. It makes him wonder. As similar as they are in some ways, their need to be good, their competitiveness, Yoongi can't read Jungkook's mind. It's impossible.

"Awww is Jungkookie jealous? I love you too, don't worry!" Taehyung teases, only for Jungkook to reach over the seat and whack him upside the head and- and- is it just Yoongi, or are Jungkook's cheeks a little flushed? It causes the lanky boy to whine in protest, attaching himself to Yoongi like a koala, clinging close enough that it feels like he's trying to become one with him. Like Yoongi is his protector, or shield or something to protect him from the maknae's playful wrath. It causes Yoongi to tense slightly, suddenly over aware of his entire being, even after so many years. The physical contact is something that he both takes comfort in and finds anxiety inducing all at once. He'll never get used to it. "I am your hyung, Kookie! You can't just abuse me like this!" Taehyung complains, having practically inserted himself in Yoongi's lap at this point.

Jimin, on the other hand, is cackling at Yoongi-or rather, Taehyung's- plight, the corners of his eyes crinkling with pure amusement as the maknae takes another swipe at him. Really and truly, they're a mess, and Yoongi finds himself giggling until his frame is shaking from full blown laughter. It's.. it's been a while since he's felt so light. His thoughts recently have been consumed with work and his own portrayal within their fanbase and Seokjin.

"Isn't it a little too early for this?" And speak of the devil. Seokjin and Namjoon are finally climbing into the van, followed by Seijin and Hobeom, who take their places in the driver's seat and front seat. Seokjin sits himself down in the first row of seats, their leader settling down beside him. Yoongi stiffens slightly as Seokjin's gaze flickers around the van, lingering on Yoongi and Taehyung, moving to Jimin to Jungkook before finally settling on Hoseok. His expression seems fond enough, but there's something keenly perceptive in his eyes that makes Yoongi tense even further.

However, the moment passes when Taehyung loudly protests Seokjin's words, as if their meaning hadn't actually hit him until that moment. Jimin hides a laugh behind his hand, and they're so chaotic that they even draw Hoseok's attention, who sits up on his seat to look over at them. Yoongi can tell that Hoseok is exhausted. His hair is disheveled, face puffy, and his under eye circles are darker than Yoongi has ever seen them. Hell, they're almost as bad as Yoongi's.

How badly has Hoseok been overworking himself? Yoongi hasn't dared check up on him in the studio since that night-he's been too scared to- but now he's starting to think maybe he should. He hates seeing Hoseok like this. He's working himself to the bone, his genuine smiles are becoming less and less of an occurrence, but Yoongi knows that soon Hoseok will be plastering across that fake, happy exuberance across his face for the fans. It's painful to watch.

He needs to do something. Something more than just leaving little things for Hoseok to find. Yoongi needs to face his fears eventually-- he knows he can't ignore the issue for forever. Fans are going to notice that things are off. Not to mention the fact Yoongi just.. he misses him. His battery, his soul partner, as he had called him in front of the cameras. That one had certainly earned him some harsh punishment when they had gotten back, but Yoongi hadn't regretted it. He does regret having reacted so badly to Hoseok snapping at him though. If Yoongi hadn't been so damn sensitive, been so damn stupid in that one moment, then he and Hoseok would be okay. They're best friends, damnit. Or at least, they were. Yoongi's not sure what they are anymore.

"Hey Taetae.. give Yoongi-hyung a little space, it looks like he can't breathe." Jimin remarks, and Yoongi realizes that he's sitting as stiffly as a rock, inhaling and exhaling so shallowly in the distress that his thoughts had caused him that it appeared as if he weren't breathing at all. He's surprised that it was enough for the eldest maknae to say something. What if he had been trying to hold his breath or some shit? Well, actually, that sounds stupid. He supposed Jimin did have a valid reason to chastise Taehyung.

"Oh. Sorry hyung." Taehyung replies apologetically, disentangling their limbs and returning to his respective seat. Yoongi instantly misses the feeling of non-threatening physical contact, and while he hesitates fearfully for a short moment, he reaches for Taehyung's hand all the same, taking initiative and lacing their fingers together. Taehyung beams at him, before poking his tongue out at Jimin. Jimin pouts at them, and Jungkook is pulling an unreadable expression. Yoongi doesn't dare check if Seokjin is watching them.

"Can you guys take it down a notch? It's ass o'clock in the morning.." Namjoon complains, and while the maknae line seems disappointed, they do fall quiet after a moment of giggling at their leader's word choice.

"I'm going back to sleep." Yoongi announces, despite having been the center of attention just minutes ago. He rests his head on Taehyung's shoulder, allowing his eyelids to drop almost closed as the rumble of the engine starts up and they start the drive to the airport. He can't help but focus on their intertwined hands on the seat between them, the contrast stark between his dongsaeng's deep golden skin and his own so pale every vein seems to be visible. Taehyung has nice hands. Yoongi thinks his own are just okay. Maybe his fingers are a little too fat, but overall, okay.

Taehyung, on the other hand, finds Yoongi's skeletal.

_____

The airport is a mess as usual. Checking baggage, going through security, the awkward ogling they get from those who recognize them(almost everyone). Yoongi trips over his suitcase while yawning, and Jimin has to steady him to make sure he doesn't actually fall flat on his face.

Namjoon fumbles for all his paperwork and passport, and Seokjin rolls his eyes, pointing out that he had put it in the left pocket of his carry on bag. Taehyung seems to have been drained of all energy from the car, his long hair a mess- it's probably sticking him in the eyeballs- face puffy and shoulders slumped as if even standing up straight is too much effort. Jungkook is wide awake, tapping away at his phone screen, Hoseok awkwardly kicking the ground as they wait, and Jimin? Jimin is here, by Yoongi's side, allowing him to lean on him so that he doesn't actually fall over.

Their manager hyungs seem tired too, all but Seijin, who is standing stoically, like their silent guardian. Sungseok and Yoonjae look dead on their feet. Minhyuk is wavering beside Seokjin and Namjoon, rubbing at his eyes with a small yawn, and Yoongi's sure the rest of their managers are doing the same. The airport has only just opened, after all.

"Yoongi." Hobeom approaches, head cocked slightly. "Today's not a good day to zone out. Stay focused on your surroundings." He says, gently patting him on the shoulder. Yoongi does his best to not look affronted. He knows that he had nearly given all the managers a heart attack back when he had wandered off those weeks ago, and it would be far worse if he lost himself in the airport or a foreign or country. It hasn't happened again, thankfully, and he doesn't plan on allowing losing himself to become a reoccurring thing.

"Of course." Yoongi replies quietly, from where his head is resting in the crook of Jimin's neck. "I'll just hold on to Jiminie so that I won't get lost." His gaze subtly flickers around their small group, and finds both Hoseok and Seokjin looking at them. He doesn't even want to try to guess what they're thinking. He sighs, tugging at the edge of his hat that he's wearing.

"Boys, we can board." Seijin rumbles in his quiet, low voice(interrupting whatever Hobeom was going to say), and he and the other managers beginning to herd their brood of tired idols onto the plane. Yoongi lets out a little grumble, but allows Jimin to help shuffle him down the terminal and onto the plane.

The flight attendants and pilot offer them a small bow as they enter the plane, welcoming them and allowing them to go to their reserved seats without any interruptions. Thankfully, they've been put on earlier than any of the other people who will be riding with them, so there won't be any interruptions by fans or even normal people. They can be secluded in peace.

"Jiminie, you got Yoongi-chi the whole ride here. Let me sit by him on the flight." Seokjin announces, and from the corner of his eye, Yoongi sees Namjoon's expression fall slightly, Jimin's jaw tighten, and Taehyung's head cock to the side, curiosity bright in his wide eyes. Yoongi winces.

"Jinnie-hyung, why don't you sit with Namjoon? I think he would like to be by you." Yoongi suggests carefully, making sure to address Seokjin in one of those cuter manners that seems to curb Seokjin's anger. He's shot down immediately, but thankfully Seokjin seems only mildly annoyed.

"He can sit on my other side." Seokjin says dismissively, and Yoongi submits with no more protest, even as he sees Namjoon's small frown. Yoongi feels sorry for him, he really does. It mustn't be a pleasant feeling to have the person you like choose someone else instead. Jimin's grip on Yoongi tightens slightly(Yoongi can only guess his dongsaeng is remembering Seokjin's angry outburst those weeks ago and is feeling protective) but Jimin relinquishes his grasp on him when Yoongi nods.

"Alright, Jinnie-hyung." Yoongi murmurs, resigning himself to long hours of awkwardness and discomfort. Namjoon's expression has been ironed out into something more neutral, which is something Yoongi is almost grateful for. If his leader had continuously looked like a kicked puppy, he thinks he might feel a little guilty. He is taking Seokjin's attention away from the one who has a crush on him. He has to remind himself that he's doing Namjoon a favor by taking up Seokjin's attention. After all, their leader is more important than some secondhand rapper. Namjoon, for all of his mental strength and stubbornness, is a sensitive guy, so it's better he not be at the end of Seokjin's temper. Just in case. Seokjin is dangerous, after all. It's better Yoongi be the one who handles him.

Seokjin beams, throwing his arm around Yoongi's shoulders, effectively removing Jimin from his side. Yoongi shudders, instinctively shying away from the subtly aggressive action.

"Aww.. is my little Yoongi-chi cold?" Seokjin croons, wrapping the small rapper up in a warm embrace, and Yoongi hates how he feels himself start to melt into the comfort that it brings. He can feel Seokjin lean close, can feel him smile against his ear. "Cute." Seokjin murmurs, breath tickling Yoongi's sensitive skin, and his cheeks flush a deep shade of red as his mind flashes back to having his face pushed into the floor and being opened up in a way that he hates but leaves him begging for more. The memory mortifies him, and he immediately throws Seokjin's arm off as he snaps out of it, scrambling to sit in his seat by the window.

"Don't make it weird, hyung!" He snaps, and luckily the elder seems to be in a decent enough mood, willing to put up with Yoongi's brattiness today. Seokjin snickers, and Yoongi takes it as a good sign. Today is going to be a good day. It's going to be a good day, despite the fact Taehyung is eyeing them interestedly, wrapping himself up in a vaguely offended Jimin's arms.

"It's okay Jiminie. You can sit with Hobi-hyung and me." Yoongi can hear Taehyung reassure Jimin, who, now that Yoongi looks closer, seems a little more than vaguely annoyed. Either way, Jimin agrees with a sigh and a nod.

Everyone settles down a few minutes before the other passengers start filtering into the plane, away from Bangtan's private area, and once the plane takes off, a weird silence falls over them. Jungkook is sitting next to Seijin, pointing out something on his phone, and Hoseok is pretending to be sleeping(he's not; the rise and fall of his chest doesn't match the way it does when he's actually asleep), but something feels off. The air itself is uncomfortable. There's tension radiating off of more people than Yoongi would have expected(even Jimin, who's curled up by Taehyung's side). Namjoon is staring so intensely at the words in his book Yoongi is surprised it hasn't spontaneously combusted; he doubts Namjoon is actually taking in whatever he's reading.

It's odd to see entire 'sunshine line' as the fans call them, are quiet. Even through Taehyung seems pretty oblivious to what's going on around him, he doesn't make a noise. Yoongi would just attribute that to Taehyung simply being both adept and terrible at reading moods all at once. Of course, the other unaffected is Seokjin, who looks absolutely smug, wrapping his arm back around Yoongi's shoulders and murmuring a _'you should sleep while you can, doll; our schedule is going to be nonstop once we get there,'_ in his ear. Yoongi can't help but wonder if it takes everyone else's misery to make him happy.

He subtly tries to wiggle his way out of his hyung's grasp, not particularly wanting to be so close to the elder male, but it doesn't exactly work. Seokjin's grip is tighter than it first seemed, so he resigns himself to doing as he's told, getting comfortable by closing the window to block out the light and resting his head on Seokjin's shoulder. Giving in. In his defense, it's more comfortable than getting a crick in his neck, which is something he'd like to avoid. The eldest smiles thinly.

"Good boy." Seokjin praises him at a whisper, and Yoongi feels his heart pounding inside his chest. He can't tell if it's happiness or revolution.

Either way, it weighs heavily on his mind.

____

  
"Yoongi-yah. Wake up." He's pulled from his sleep with a small groan, only for the scent of food to hit his senses. He rubs at his eyes tiredly.

"Hyung?" His head hurts. It's a pulsating, unpleasant pain. Pressure on his head. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like it. He wants it to go away. It hurts. Hurts, hurts so much he can't think straight, and the light in the cabin isn't helping. He squints, flinching when he hears Hoseok's voice cutting through the air, Jimin and Jungkook's echoing in reply. He can't even register what's being said, but it's ringing in his ears, agonizing. Despite that, even now, from in a completely different row, he can tell that Hoseok's enthusiasm is faked.

"Aish, Yoongi-yah." Seokjin murmurs, and the low, gentle tone is somehow less grating. Seokjin's fingers are cool to the touch, lifting his chin, observing his face. Yoongi can't even morph his expression into one of displeasure. He can barely think straight. "My poor darling, does your head hurt?" Yoongi doesn't even have the strength to ask how Jin knows, doesn't have to answer; it's a rhetorical question. Either way, the thought evaporates when Seokjin gently allows Yoongi's chin to drop, running his hand through the side of his hair soothingly, in that manner he always does when Yoongi is being good. Without even realizing it, the tension starts to ease from his body, relishing the kind touch. "You're such a good boy, not snapping at me even when you're hurting."

Seokjjn's voice is soft, low enough for Yoongi's ears only, and the rest of his defenses(not that they were really up, all considering) crumble at the praise. Seokjin allows him to stay like that for a moment longer.

"Food is here. I got what I knew you'd like best from the options. There's also water, which you should drink." Yoongi lets out a plaintive whine, but focuses on what's in front of him. Food. Right. Eating. He has to eat.

Squinting a little harder, he actually registers what's in front of him. Edible. It's edible. He moves lethargically to open the tray, before picking up his chopsticks to choose whatever catches his eye first and shove it in his mouth. It's not terrible, for plane food, but it's exceedingly hard to swallow; his mouth feels dry. It's probably the best there was on the menu, considering when he looks over, Seokjin has the exact same thing.

It takes him a good few seconds to get it down. Seokjin passes him a water bottle, which he cracks open hurriedly, gulping at it as though his life depended on it. Water usually helps when he gets like this.

"You okay, Yoongi-hyung?" Namjoon's voice comes out a little louder than Yoongi can tolerate, and he grimaces, but thankfully, Seokjin shushes him with a gentle warning of _'quiet, Namjoon-- his head hurts.'_ Namjoon looks at Seokjin with an amazed expression, cocking his head.

"He hasn't even said anything since you woke him up; how can you tell?" Thankfully, Namjoon lowers his voice to a more tolerable level.

Seokjin just winks. "We're roommates, Joonie. I should know." Namjoon elbows Seokjin lightly, frowning-or rather, almost pouting- at the eldest's playful response. Seokjin suppresses a snicker. Yoongi can tell from the way Seokjin's throat tightens ever so slightly, barely visible to the eye. "Alright, alright. Yoongi-yah makes a specific expression when he's hurting-- similar to his grumpy one, but his eyes are a little more glazed, and brows furrowed."

"Huh." Namjoon makes a little amazed sound. "That's impressive, hyung." He says, and Yoongi wants to snap at him, tell him to stop flattering Seokjin, to stop stroking their hyung's ego. He doesn't, just chooses to shove more bibimbap into his mouth.

After the meal, he piles up the dishes and pushes them onto Seokjin's tray. Seokjin only gives him an amused look, especially when he very purposefully flops over, practically curling up in the eldest's lap in a challenging manner. The last time he had been in a position like this, Seokjin had decided he wanted Yoongi to warm his cock. Now, Seokjin can't fucking say anything, lest he wants to reveal what he's doing to Yoongi behind closed doors.

He grits his teeth at Seokjin's amusement-fuck him, he's not trying to be funny- and shuts his eyes, evening out his breathing, as if he had fallen asleep. Jin's hands find their way to his hair, playing with the strands, and the stiffness that had built up in him once more over the course of his meal melts away. A thought hits him. Fuck him. Fuck Seokjin. He knows what this is. Like one of Pavlov's dogs, he- a wave of fury hits him overwhelming even the dizzying pain in his head. His entire body is trembling in his rage, only to be soothed away when Seokjin's smooth voice washes over his ears in a hum.

Despite the borderline catatonic state he's in, his blood is boiling in his veins. It takes him a long while to get back to even a half-asleep, half-awake state. He never manages to truly sleep again.

_____

The next time Yoongi is pulled fully into consciousness, it's the rumble of the wheels hitting the runway that jerks him from his reverie. The sound is louder than even the plane's engines, and the vibrations of the wheels against concrete is enough to make his head rattle. He lets out a plaintive sound, drawing both Jin and Namjoon's attention, and if he's to be honest with himself, he has to be coddled out of the plane.

He drags his feet up the terminal, lagging behind the rest of the members(Taehyung is practically bouncing, skipping around, excited to be on solid ground once more, and Jungkook is indulging him by playing along). Jimin has his hand planted firmly in Seijin's, to make sure he's not separated from the group, and the other managers are circling around the members as a whole, moving like an amoeba as the screams of fans reach their ears.

Yoongi cringes visibly, reaching out, for anyone. Anything. Anything to keep him grounded. In his moment of weakness, he takes the closest person's hand, gripping it as if he life depends on it. He regrets it instantly. It's Hoseok. It's _Hoseok_. _HoseokHoseokHoseokHoseok_. He freezes, physically stops walking in his shock. Manager Jungil actually bumps into him, not expecting Yoongi to straight up halt in such a massive crowd.

Hoseok, too, halts in his tracks, whipping his head around to stare, round eyes wide, but the moment lasts for barely a second, because he clearly realizes that now isn't the time. Yoongi doesn't look good, pale and shaky and there are fansites surrounding them, taking pictures from every angle imaginable. Jungil places his hands at Yoongi's waist, urging him to keep moving, and Yoongi vaguely wonders how the hell their smallest manager hasn't been trampled by the fans yet. Even so, he allows himself to be moved, reacquainting himself with the hands he hasn't held for over a month now.

They're warm and about the same size as his own and slightly calloused and they hold him tight, grounding him. Yoongi can't help but hope they won't have to talk about anything. That they'll go back to normal, as if nothing happened. He doubts it though. While Yoongi likes to forget about things, likes to ignore the past, to act as if things he doesn't want to remember doesn't happen, Hoseok is more mature than him in some ways. Facing problems head on is one of them.

Hoseok will want to talk, and Yoongi is scared. He misses Hoseok. He misses Hoseok, his best friend, his soul partner so much it's painful, but he doesn't want to talk. He'd do anything to avoid it. He doesn't even really remember the original offense clearly, but he remembers humiliation and fear and anxiety and he'd prefer to forget whatever happened in the first place. He remembers crawling into bed alongside Jin, and he remembers being comforted by his hyung. He remembers feeling like there had been a gaping hole in his chest for days afterward despite how ridiculous that sounds, and he remembers strong feelings of avoidance.

"Hoseokie.. I.. t's too much. Too much. I-I can't.." He mumbles, and it doesn't really register that his words are coming out more like a childish babbling, and Hoseok's grip tightens around his hand protectively. Yoongi's mouth snaps shut, teeth clashing unpleasantly, causing him to wince.

"Shhh. It's just a little farther to the baggage claim, then there's the exit, Yoongi-hyung." Hoseok says, rubbing his thumb over the the back of Yoongi's hand soothingly in the way he always has to calm him down, but it sends Yoongi's mind reeling back to the moment at the table where Taehyung had done the same. He squeezes his eyes shut tight, allowing Hoseok and Jungil to lead him through the crowd.

He can't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, Taehyung had known what he was doing that day at the dinner table.

____

  
The cameras are on them again. Always, always. There's never a moment when they aren't on camera, and it makes Yoongi want to scream. This time though, the cameras are their own. Their film crew, their hand held cameras to take with them constantly.. everything is recorded. They can't get away. Ever. Except deep into the night when wails of pain are met with soundproof walls-- but Yoongi doesn't like to think about that.

The moment they had made it to the van(accompanied by the deafening clicks of camera shutters and the occasional fan screaming something in the mass of chaos), Yoongi dropped Hoseok's hand as if it burned away at his flesh. He remembers where he is, and who he is, and who has the power to make his life miserable, and he quickly sticks himself to Seokjin's side, fearing the repercussions of the elder seeing him so closely by Hoseok. Nothing is said, but he can already imagine the sensation of teeth meeting flesh and his cheek being pressed against the tile for the bathroom floor.

Seokjin might not have said anything, but he doesn't need to. Yoongi isn't stupid-- he recognizes the nights he's greeted with the most pain are the nights that others get too close for Seokjin's liking. He has also recognizes that if he willingly chooses Seokjin, punishments are less harsh. He doesn't limp as badly, and whatever kisses he does get are more gentle and less teeth and tongue. While Yoongi very much treasures Hoseok, he has to prioritize. He can't be limping on stage, and considering he's singing this comeback.. well. He can't get away with having a ruined voice. The fans come first. They always come first. They're the reason he's living, succeeding as an idol.

Seokjin doesn't do anything obvious like throw his arm around Yoongi's shoulders like the way the other members do while acknowledging him. It's barely anything, just a slight lean, shoulders brushing against his.

Now, though, they're sitting in a small conference room of the hotel, away from prying eyes, but even now, the cameras are still rolling. Honestly, he doubts they're even going to use that footage, but they're filming anyway. Better safe than sorry, right? At least, that's what their producer seems to think.

"Taetae and I are rooming together." Jungkook is announcing, a carefully placed petulant pout on his lips-- he's acting cute for the fans, and Yoongi is reminded of just how much he hates their stage personas. Taehyung nods, rubbing at his eyes tiredly, and Yoongi vaguely has the urge to squish his dongsaeng's puffy cheeks.

"I want Jinjinjara." Yoongi finds himself saying, so exhausted he can feel himself melting into the goddamn table. It seems counterproductive, really, to call rooming with the cause of all his misery, but if it makes Seokjin happy, well. It's better to room with a happy Seokjin than handle what comes after an angry one. He's learned his lesson. Learned from his mistakes. Besides, he's fairly certain Hoseok wants to talk, and hell, Yoongi is going to be avoiding that for as long as possible.

He makes the mistake of glancing over. Hoseok's expression is one of utter betrayal, and the thudding of his heart in his chest doesn't go away until Seokjin meets his gaze with a smile. He did the right thing. Seokjin is happy with him. _He's being good._  

The rooms are decided, and the schedule for the next day is explained. Interviews, a few hours off to wander the city(while filming, of course, for their Youtube channel), more business, etc. Yoongi finds himself drifting off, only to be awoken by Seokjin's hand on his shoulder.

"We're going up." He says, and Yoongi scrambles to his feet to follow him. They don't talk, but the silence doesn't bother him. It never has. Even as they go through their nightly routine, separate showers, pajamas, skincare together, nothing is said until Seokjin finally collapses on the hotel's plush mattress, though he quickly sits back up.

"Yoongi-chi." Yoongi is at his side in an instant, revulsion welling up inside his chest, waiting for a command. He can do this. Seokjin slips under the blankets, burrowing himself in them, before opening them for Yoongi to enter the bed as well. Yoongi hesitates for barely a millisecond, before climbing in. He doesn't realize he's shaking until his hyung pulls him close. The command never comes.

Instead, a large hand cards through his hair, and Yoongi's whole body relaxes. "You were so good today, I think I'll forgive you for the maknae's behavior this morning." Seokjin murmurs, and his voice washes over Yoongi like velvet. Good. Good. He was good. Seokjin said so. "You were so good. My good boy.." A soft kiss is pressed to his temple, and Yoongi finally allows his tired eyes to flutter shut. He isn't sure when his head stopped hurting. Neither is he sure whether it's anger or anxiety or something else that has his heart thumping against his ribcage, just like that moment in the plane.

 

 

It makes him nervous.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao before anyone says anything, I'm just going to say that I'm sorry for posting a few hours late(I usually post at 8 AM but school is off so I was sleeping). Secondly, yes, Yoongi goes from being too scared to apologize but desperately wanting to, to being too scared to face an apology. While it might not be logical, it's just pure, overwhelming anxiety that doesn't make sense from start to finish. Anxiety has never been logical, after all. Thirdly, totally off topic, but graphing calculators are stupidly expensive??? I just spent 150 on a TI-nspire cx and my wallet hates me. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, please leave a review to feed my motivation~~
> 
> Oh, and I decided on writing the two alternative ends, one where it's the "good ending" and the other the dark version. I couldn't decided on just one lmao so I'm going to write both, so those who want a happy end, don't worry, it'll happen. Eventually. After a lot of suffering and internal conflict, anyway.


	8. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schedules seem like fun.

 

 

Yoongi wakes with the light of the dawn peeking through the hotel window, still caught up in Seokjin's warm embrace. He rubs at his eyes with one hand, grabbing for his phone to check the time with the other, doing his best to not disturb the elder's sleep. Oh. They need to leave for breakfast in thirty minutes to get the day started, so he gently prods Seokjin awake.

The elder's eyes open blearily, but even so, he manages to raise an eyebrow at Yoongi in an almost challenging manner. "Where's my good morning kiss, Yoongi-chi?" He inquires, and Yoongi does his best to seem unaffected by the question that makes his blood run cold. He doesn't want to. Sure, he's had Seokjin's tongue in his mouth countless times, but the idea of kissing him, genuinely kissing him out of his own free will, is horrifying enough to make his skin crawl.

However, Seokjin raises an eyebrow at him challengingly, promising unpleasant things to come if he doesn't comply, so he kisses him anyway. It's quick, chaste, just a peck on the lips, but Seokjin appears satisfied. It's far too domestic for comfort, and Yoongi wants to retch. "Hyung, we've thirty minutes to get ready before we meet the kids downstairs." Seokjin makes a clicking noise, but he climbs out of their bed, ushering Yoongi towards the bathroom. They wash their faces in what could almost be considered amicable silence, and Seokjin leaves to change into acceptable clothes before returning, just in time to watch Yoongi to apply his cushion, powder and blush and setting spray.

His gaze is as intense as always, head tilted to the side. Yoongi shifts uncomfortably under those honeyed brown eyes, patting in the cushion until it blends with his skin. Then, he powders his face. He hadn't used it until he started adding rouge to his cheeks, but he had found that blush didn't layer well over wet cushion, and that powder was a necessary step in between. However, he doesn't mind, not really. Sure, it's one more step, but it really helps the lasting power of the cushion-- as does the setting spray, which meshes all the makeup on his face to look like skin again and makes it last even longer. It's the best-- even if it tastes weird when he accidentally gets some on his lips.

"Ready, Yoongi-yah?" Seokjin inquires, as Yoongi moves to put all of his makeup back into his bag. He nods.

"Yeah. I'm ready-- just need to change." He spares himself one last look in the mirror. While he looks better, he's not exactly happy with his appearance, and he almost wishes one of the makeup noonas were here to help him. It's still not good enough. He sighs. He'll ask about the process next time they fix him up for the stage.

"How pretty." Seokjin drawls, and Yoongi shoots him a glare, refraining from snapping something back rudely in return. _Don't fucking mock me._  He grinds his teeth together, sweeping past him to dig his clothes out of his suitcase, pulling them on quickly. The sweater he's wearing- his favorite- is oversized, but warm to combat the cooling weather of autumn. Was it originally Namjoon's? Yoongi doesn't remember. It's warm, though, so Yoongi doesn't particularly care.

His jeans are ripped, out of wear and tear rather than in whatever factory jeans are made, and again, he finds his eyes darting to the body length mirror to check his appearance. Okay. He looks okay. Not great, but acceptable. He's caught by how the look of how the large sweater dwarfs his frame, making him look more delicate. He likes the way the sleeves dangle past the palms of his hands. Even so, he's almost jealous of the fact Seokjin can just do skincare, run a hand through his hair and throw on whatever and still look decent. Yoongi has to work to look like a socially acceptable human being.

"Come on, Yoongi-yah. We're going to be late if you keep staring at yourself in the mirror." It's odd to hear those words coming from Seokjin's mouth. It's ironic for it to be coming from him. Either way, Yoongi drags himself away from his reflection, and towards Seokjin, who ushers him out the door, looking at his phone's time.

They walk side by side once they enter the hallway, and by the time they manage to get downstairs, they're just barely five minutes early. Almost everyone else is already there, getting food. Their managers are gathered around one table, discussing the day, and Jungkook is practically shoving.. something down his throat, clearly ravenous. Yoongi supposes the maknae didn't have enough for supper last night.

Jimin and Taehyung look exhausted, eyes still bleary with sleep. Their hair look like bird's nests on top of their heads, and Namjoon doesn't look much better. Yoongi cracks the faintest expression of amusement. He's tempted to tease them, but he keeps his mouth shut in favor of looking around for the most convenient thing to eat. He ends up just grabbing an orange and an apple out of the fruit basket.

He's just finishing up when Hoseok rushes in, breathless. If Jimin and Taehyung look exhausted, Hoseok appears as if he hadn't slept in a century. His under eye circles are past discoloration, are so deep set that not amount of makeup would be able to camouflage them. Yoongi would know. He's gotten pretty well acquainted with makeup since the day he has asked for Jimin to pick up a cushion from a road shop. At this point, he could brag that he even knows more about makeup than Seokjin-- except Seokjin doesn't wear makeup when it's not a makeup noona putting it on him for an event, so that's not exactly fair. Also, bragging about being better than Seokjin? Probably not the best idea.

He lets out a sigh, throwing away his orange peel when Taehyung asks a simple, "Still alive there, Hobi-hyung?" Hoseok plasters a smile across his face in response.

"Yup! I'm ready to start the day." Hoseok replies, and Yoongi bristles at the fakeness that taints Hoseok's voice. He loathes it. He doesn't see why the fans act as if Hoseok's only good point was his positive attitude. All it does is encourage Hoseok to hide anything he feels that is less than positivity. It's absolutely infuriating, that Hoseok is forced to hide behind a constant mask of smiles. Besides, recently, his smiles, those fake ones, are becoming more and more realistic, when Yoongi and the rest of Bangtan knows Hoseok isn't happy. It's unnerving.

Either way, Taehyung obliviously slings an arm around Hoseok's shoulders, a grin on his face, suddenly seeming a thousand times more energetic than he had been seconds ago. "Let's have lots of fun together, hyung!" He cheers, earning a disapproving look from a disgruntled Namjoon.

"Tae, this is a hotel. People are still sleeping." Their tired leader chides, and Taehyung's eyes widen as if he had just remembered that fact. The expression is comical at best, and Yoongi suppresses a snicker.

"Oops." Taehyung whispers, letting go of Hoseok so that he can go eat, but there's a goodnatured pout on his lips. Yoongi just sighs. It seems like everyone is getting into their on-camera personalities. Or rather, upping their inherent personality traits by a hundred.

"Ten more minutes until we leave." Seijin announces, and there's a unified sound of rustling cloth as all of their managers stand, though for different reasons. Jungil heads out-probably to get the van or something, while Hobeom stands up to put a little more food on his plate. Yoongi sighs. He just wants to get the day over with.

 

_____

 

 

The interview(television show?) they're showing themselves on isn't anything special. The hosts are some guy and girl duo, who seem charming enough. Tomohiko and Hana, was it? Yoongi isn't really sure. Jimin seems get along well with them, joking around with a warm smile, often times pulling in Taehyung and Jungkook, who play along.

Both the host and hostess are completely enamoured, cooing over Bangtan's likable maknaes. They make fun with Namjoon, cringe along with everyone at Seokjin's dad jokes, and for the most part, they leave Yoongi alone. He's glad. Perhaps he's sent a few deadpanned expressions towards Tomohiko when he said something particularly stupid, but Yoongi's not intentionally mean. Maybe.

Either way, Yoongi is out of the limelight, for the most part. Maybe he's jerked back into the public eye when Jimin pulls him close by waist, resting his chin on his shoulder, though, thankfully, it's Hoseok who's the center of attention, discussing their new choreography. Of course, even so, it's not long until Seokjin says something in the form of in absolute angel.

"Hobi, won't you go up there with Jiminie and Jungkookie and show them our dance? I'm sure they and all our lovely ARMYs would love to see." The eldest inquires, and their hosts automatically jump on the idea. Jimin doesn't suspect a thing, not while he's in idol mode. When he gets into the mindset, Jimin loves being the center of attention. The boy practically lives off of praise, in a way, and Seokjin knows it.

With the encouragement from their host and hostess, the three strongest dancers enter an altered formation, Hoseok front and center. Yoongi can't help but admire the grace and strength they dance with, thought it's maybe a second into the music starting when Seokjin takes up the spot by Yoongi, almost the moment Jimin vacates it. He doesn't make a show of the physical contact. He rarely does on camera. It's just a faint brush of the fingers at the small of Yoongi's back, suddenly making him totally aware of his entire body.

Seokjin is watching him. He bites at the inner portion of his cheek in his nervousness, his slouched posture suddenly straightening, and his breathing shallows out until it's almost unnoticeable. Be good. Good impressions are important. He watches admiringly as their three best dancers wow their hosts, and once they finish up, Yoongi subtly welcomes them back with a small smile.

Jimin bounds up to him with a little expectant expression on his face, and Yoongi gives a small sigh with a smile. "You did good, kid." He utters, but Seokjin's fingers settle on his lower back, like a warning that Yoongi heeds. He's not trying to get anyone in trouble, after all.

He doesn't let Jimin touch him again for the rest of the program.

 

_________

 

 

They're divided up by the luck of the draw for their 'city adventure' as the maknaes like to call it. In essence, their fates are decided by pulled straws, two short, two medium, three long. Namjoon with Jimin and Jungkook. Seokjin and Taehyung. Hoseok and Yoongi. _Hoseok and Yoongi._  He tenses the moment it's called. Seokjin, on the other hand, smiles sunnily, fluffing up the back of Yoongi's hair and tracing over the nape of his neck with his fingers. Yoongi lets out a soft sigh of pleasure at the gentle touch, but quickly catches himself when Seokjin leans in close, whispering, "You're going to behave in front of the cameras, right Yoongi-chi? Play friends with Hoseokie so ARMYs don't come up with ridiculous ideas."

Yoongi finds himself nodding obediently. Even if there's a rift between the two of them, they can't let their fans know. Worrying ARMYs is a definite no-go, for he, Seokjin and Hoseok alike. Seokjin's smile widens happily, and the corners of his eyes crinkle with warmth. It makes Yoongi feel as if someone punched him in the chest.

He looks away, shuffling towards where Hoseok is. Jimin and Jungkook have already joined Namjoon in a small cluster, managing to look excited despite the bags beneath their eyes. Taehyung is bounding towards Seokjin, his box shaped grin firmly in place. Yoongi can't tell if it's real or not, but he assumes it is. Taehyung only tends to smile when he's happy, never feeling the need to pretend anymore.

"Hobi.." Yoongi utters quietly, and Hoseok's head snaps up at the sound of his voice. The confliction that his dongsaeng is so obviously feeling is dancing across his face for all of them to see.

"Yoongi-hyung." Hoseok smiles in an exhausted way. It seems, at least, a little more genuine than the ones he's been giving the cameras all morning. "Are you ready to go explore?" He inquires, and Yoongi gives a small nod. No, not really. He just wants to sleep, but for the sake of being agreeable, he'll pretend that he's at least half awake.

Minhyuk is the manager that is assigned to the two of them, and Yoongi greets him with a tired expression. The elder male appears as if he understands. After all, watching after seven young idols.. it must get tough. He must be as tired as they are, if not more so. The managers do often have to wake earlier than the rest of Bangtan does. And often times, they're the ones who have to carry around the cameras. While at first it doesn't sound too bad, Yoongi knows that holding up a camera gets tiring fairly quickly. They don't have time to exchange pleasantries(or complaints) though, because Seijin calls start, and they all filter out in opposite directions.

"Let's go that way, hyung!" Hoseok points to the left energetically, having easily fallen into that stage persona and Yoongi follows closely behind with a small, typical grumble but acquiescing without complaint. Or too much complaint. He might be pouting a little bit.

It's not as bad as he first assumes it would be. The two of them are a bit awkward together, Minhyuk just a few steps ahead of them filming them. Yoongi's words occasionally come out stuttered, but it's not the trainwreck he imagined it would be. Hoseok doesn't have a chance to ask or talk about what had happened between them those weeks ago in the studio. That would reveal Bangtan's internal problems to ARMYs, after all, and they can't do that.

Instead of daring to breach dangerous topics of that sort, they stick to harmless ones, like Seokjin, who is thinking of adopting a sugar glider or two for their dorm room, the newest song Yoongi is trying to write, Hoseok's dance that he's choreographing in his free time, or even just their surroundings. It feels like they're talking about everything and nothing all at once.

"Ah! Yoongi-hyung, look at that!" Hoseok is saying, indicating eagerly at.. something up ahead as they pass by road shops and the such. Yoongi lets out a small grunt of acknowledgement.

"You wanna go see it?" He offers in reply, and he can't quite suppress the small smile that crosses his lips when Hoseok's face lights up with genuine excitement. Hoseok offers his hand and begins pulling him in that direction. Honestly, Yoongi's attention is caught by a makeup shop that they pass by, but they're moving too fast for him to vocalize that fact. Also, they're on video-poor Minhyuk has to jog with the filming camera while keeping his steps even to not mess up the footage- and Yoongi has no plausible excuse for wanting to go into a makeup shop.

He's pulled to the edge of the road, through some odd, open building, but at the end of it is a small plaza, full of luscious greenery, beds of flowers, vines crawling up the walls, a small fountain in the center. Hoseok drops his hand. It's like a sanctuary in the middle of the city, and while it's a public area, the two idols and their manager are alone in the tranquil little piece of haven. The sounds of the cars are muffled, and the air is perfumed with soft green and the faint scent of roses and hints of other florals in stark contrast to the biting smell of burning rubber and gasoline that accompanies larger cities.

Minhyuk pans the camera around to give the fans a visual, but Yoongi doubts it'll come off as nice on video. However, Hoseok's voice quickly cuts through the peaceful silence. "Let's take pictures for Twitter, hyung." He decides, grabbing Yoongi and pulling him close for a selca. It takes all of Yoongi's strength to not flinch at the movement that leaves no room for protest. It's not Hoseok's fault-- Yoongi is just jumpy, that's all. He smiles thinly as the phone camera's indicating click goes off.

Of course, looking at the picture, Hoseok is smiling warmly, his eyes hopeful despite his eye bags. Even with the makeup he's wearing, Yoongi looks like a gremlin in comparison. His expression looks more blank of human emotion. Of anything. He frowns. That's no way to let their fans see him.

"Let's take another, Hobi. I look bad in that one." He demands, and Hoseok acquiesces with a little laugh, ruffling Yoongi's bleached hair. He grins weakly.

"Getting vain, aren't you?" Hoseok teases, looking more okay in that moment than he has in the past weeks. "Be careful, or I might think Jin-hyung is rubbing off on you."

Yoongi laughs at the joke, but the fakeness in the sound resounds in his own ears, around the courtyard, and his heart feels like it's going to burst out of his chest in anxiety at the comparison. Never. He would never act like Seokjin. He'd rather die. He would never treat anyone the same the way Seokjin treats him. Yoongi has morals. He could never try to hold someone's loved ones over their head to remind them who they belong to.

"Are you kidding? My head will never be a big as his. Hyung thinks he's God's gift to man." He replies, attempting playful, but the words come out in a painfully rushed, garbled mess. Hoseok's smile falls slightly, and Yoongi knows he's spotted the fact something is wrong. He nudges Hoseok. "Come on, let's take a better one."

Hoseok, thankfully says nothing but a small murmur of agreement, raising his phone and snapping a few selcas. This time, Yoongi's expression is right. This time, his smile looks borderline shy, welcoming, and almost.. cute. Almost. His eyes are still too small, jawline too square, lips not plush enough, but it's be best someone like him will ever get. Despite all his criticisms when looking at himself, at least he's never been or will ever go under the knife. No matter how much he hates his features, they're his, and he wouldn't change them. Probably.

"More." Hoseok says, pulling away and gesturing for Yoongi to pose in front of the centerpiece of the courtyard, an elegant, pristine fountain. Yoongi pouts, but he does as Hoseok suggests, posing here and there for their makeshift photo shoot. Some of the moments caught are serious, some of them a little silly(cute, rather), and when he gets tired, Hoseok is eager to show them to him. The pictures look pretty good, coming from an iPhone, he's not going to lie. They're aesthetic or whatnot.

"Your turn, Hobi." He says, plucking the phone from Hoseok's hands and Hoseok jumps up to stand on the edge of the fountain with a grin, cycling through both playful poses, dramatic reenactments, and sexy ones-ironically, of course, like getting a leg up on one of the statues- for the sake of getting a laugh out of the fans once they post them. Yoongi's grinning the whole time.

Hoseok seems to be getting a kick out of it too, and the awkward undertones between them have evaporated. As long as no one brings up the fight they had back a month ago, Yoongi has a feeling they'll be okay. Just bury the past. Everything will end up alright. Right?

Minhyuk, for all he is amused by their antics, eventually calls their games to a stop. "Boys, you might want to start looking for a place to eat before lunch crowds start to form." He advises, and it causes both Hoseok and Yoongi to check the time. Yikes. It's already eleven-- they've spent over an hour in the courtyard.

They get going, side by side. The road shops are still a distraction, if Yoongi's to be honest, but they soon enough find a restaurant that sounds appealing. Funnily enough, they find a few familiar faces already seated in a booth. It doesn't take long for Namjoon, Jimin and Jungkook to spot them, waving them over with smiles, offering them a seat with the three of them.

"Yoongi-hyung!" The corners of Jimin's eyes are crinkled warmly. "How's your day been going with this-" Jimin gestures towards Hoseok in a teasingly dismissive manner before resting his cheek on his hand, "-one? Not too rough, hopefully?"

"Yah!" Hoseok playfully kicks out at Jimin from across the table, only for Namjoon to yelp, and Hoseok apologizes quickly. Yoongi's smile wavers only slightly. Even if Jimin had sounded teasing, Yoongi knows the question was genuine. It had been no secret that Hoseok and he had been having.. issues. Yoongi's persistent avoidance of the other rapper hasn't gone unnoticed by any of Bangtan, or their managers. "I'm a perfectly fun person to be around!"

Yoongi only smiles sweetly. "Of course, Jiminie. Why would we have any problems?" He inquires with his best innocent expression, a glint in his deep brown eyes. He'd rather not have his and Hoseok's falling out out there for ARMYs to see. Jimin, at least, takes the hint.

"Dunno. Maybe he'd be too sunny for your grumpy butt." His dongsaeng replies, still smiling, very obviously teasing. Yoongi leans back in his seat casually.

"Joonie, do you hear the disrespect I get from this one?" Yoongi drawls, and Namjoon grins in reply. "Jungkookie, you wouldn't ever treat me the way Jiminie does, would you?"

Jungkook, who's been watching quietly the entire time, allows a smile to cross his lips in amusement. "I would never, hyung." A mischievous look passed through his eyes, and suddenly Yoongi regrets bringing him into the conversation. "Who else would buy me lamb skewers?"

Their table erupts into laughter, and for only a moment, Yoongi's gaze is caught by Minhyuk and Jungil-who is the manager tagging along with Namjoon's little group- and he'd like to say he's no longer surprised by the absolutely fond expressions on their faces. Like proud parents, they look so pleased by the fact everyone is getting along again as they sit at their separate table, content to watch their interactions.

Though, Yoongi supposes it had only been yesterday everyone would tense whenever Hoseok and Yoongi were too close while in the same vicinity. Not that they would have fought, but the tension had definitely been palatable. They're okay now though, at least while the cameras are rolling. He guesses it's better than what their managers were hoping for.

"Excuse me, are you ready to order?" Ah. Right, they're here to eat. Yoongi looks to Hoseok, wide eyed, as the other male quickly looks over the menu. There's a plethora of items, and a fair range of them sound decent. The waitress takes down their orders without any major problems, though Yoongi stumbles over his words a little, embarrassing himself, but no one says anything.

The table goes back the the familiar buzz of friendly conversation and the occasional teasing jab aimed at one person or another-- usually Jimin, who plays offended, smile curled across his plump lips as he retaliates with lighthearted jibes aimed mostly at Jungkook, who seems to revel in teasing the eldest maknae. Hoseok and Namjoon seem pretty deep into a conversation about the merits of.. something. Yoongi really isn't listening, if he's to be honest, but for the sake of their Youtube channel, he makes comments here and there.

It's nice, he thinks. Being in an environment like this is nice. In a way. He supposes it's a little weird to have to order food for himself(normally Seokjin does it for him), but the atmosphere is light and overall comfortable, not ridden with underlying tension that it seems only he can feel. Everyone is as relaxed as they can be, without letting their guards down all the way-- cursing on camera is not allowed, so they do their best to not slip up.

He checks his phone once in a while. There's a message from Seokjin, of course, asking him how everything is going, a smiley face added to the end of his message. Yoongi doesn't believe it for a second. There's also one from Suran, asking about using an F major chord versus an F minor in the fourth measure of a new song she's working on, along with two attachments, one for each version. He'll have to get back to her later, when he can properly listen and analyze the music. The last message-wow, he's pretty popular today- is from Zhou Mi. It's just a friendly text, along the lines of _hey man, I haven't seen you in a while; how have you been these days?_

Yoongi really doesn't know what to say to that one. He and Zhou Mi are close. Hell, Zhou Mi had even given him the keycode to his apartment. Zhou Mi doesn't know about his situation. Even so, Zhou Mi has seen the bruises on his face after a night he had ended up at his apartment on a day off. This is the Chinese man asking if he's _okay_. He sighs heavily.

"What's up, hyung?" Hoseok asks too quietly for the cameras and mics to pick up, mouth forming a bit of an odd smile. "You look stressed." Yoongi only shakes his head. He's not going to share a thing about Zhou Mi with Bangtan. He doesn't trust them to know to keep his friend a secret. Seokjin won't be happy if he finds out, after all.

"Nothing, Hobi." He turns off his phone, just as the waitress comes out with plates of their food. Yoongi takes the opportunity to avoid saying anything else by shoving food in his mouth. It seems like something he's been doing a lot recently. Hoseok just sighs in an unreadable manner, turning to look towards Jimin instead. Jimin freezes comically as he falls under Hoseok's gaze, his cheeks bulging with food.

It's cute.

Yoongi has to stop himself from smiling in amusement. Conversation flows a little slower after that, but everything seems okay. They're eating. Namjoon comments on the food, and Yoongi can't quite help himself when he steals a little off of his leader's plate. Of course, Namjoon isn't perturbed, only takes something off of Yoongi's in retaliation.

"It's good, huh hyung?" Yoongi nods, mouth full. A full smile crosses Namjoon's face. Yoongi wonders if it's because he's not as detached right now, less worried about if Seokjin sees him interacting with others and more like his old self. What even was his old self like? If Yoongi's honest with himself, he doesn't really remember.

"Jungkookie, Jiminie, do you want to try some?" Yoongi motions to his food, and the two maknaes make a point to exchange something from their plates for Yoongi's, and he supposes that's their way of telling him to eat. He lips purse for a faint moment, but he quickly smoothes over his expression into a smile. He's already full. He's eaten more today since he woke up than he normally does in twenty four hours, but he forces himself to eat what his dongsaengs put in front of him. It'd be rude to refuse. Besides, those two are looking at him with wide eyes, waiting.

"It's good too." He says, and they break out into smiles that match Namjoon's. His chest warms a bit. They're good kids.

Lunch wraps up without incident, and when they leave, Yoongi is a little reluctant to be along with Hoseok again. Nothing appears wrong, but Hoseok seems a little more brooding, and Yoongi isn't sure how to handle it while they're on camera.

"We should go to the shopping center." Yoongi says quietly. "I need new headphones." It's a lie, but he wants to dispel the awkward feeling between them by saying something.

Hoseok makes a sound of agreement. "Sure hyung. Maybe we should wear masks, since a shopping center will have more people." They turn to Minhyuk, who stops to dig out masks from his bag. They thank him with smiles and hearts, and their manager chuckles, patting each of them on the head warmly as they don their generic idol disguises.

 

_____

 

 

Yoongi gets the new headphones(they work as wonderfully as he expected them to), and dinner at the shopping center. It was fairly uneventful, and while they are recognized and approached a few times, they politely decline pictures per BigHit's orders, and their fans are accommodating. It's easygoing.

The conversation between them, however, is a little more.. stilted. They talk, they joke, but it's not quite the same. Minhyuk doesn't make a comment though, to Yoongi's surprise, so maybe the awkwardness isn't coming through on camera.

"My feet hurt." Yoongi announces suddenly, gathering his courage as they leave the center. They've been exploring for what feels like hours, and the sun is starting to set. "Let's head back now Hobi." He suggests-he doesn't whine, that would be ridiculous- cutely(for the fans, of course, Min Yoongi is not a naturally cute person).

Hoseok smiles thinly, understanding what he's implying. "Climb on my back, Yoongi-hyung. I'll carry you." Yoongi lifts his arms, and Hoseok allows the elder male to drape his arms over his shoulders and hop up to wrap his legs around his waist. Yoongi doesn't hesitate to nuzzle the crook of Hoseok's neck tiredly, allowing his eyes to droop.

"You're so light." Hoseok comments, but Yoongi only grunts in reply, clinging a little closer. He hasn't had this much skinship with Hoseok in forever. He misses it, misses the contact. Seokjin likes to keep him close, likes to keep others away. He's most tolerant towards Taehyung's clinginess- Yoongi almost thinks Seokjin has a soft spot for him- but it leaves Yoongi feeling a little isolated. It's okay though. As long as Seokjin stays away from the others, Yoongi is okay with keeping his distance too. At least, that's what he continuously tells himself, before he decides it would be better to just stop thinking.

It takes a while, but his mind finally quiets as he focuses on Hoseok's loping gait as he walks, and the chirping of crickets coming from a park they pass as the sun lowers past the horizon. There's still the rumble of cars in the background, but Yoongi's always been good at turning out things he doesn't want to hear. Hoseok is saying something in a soothing tone, but it's more to himself than Yoongi, and Yoongi just listens, drifting. Floating.

It's nice, letting his mind wander away, being carried by his best friend. He feels supported. Safe. Sleepy. He doesn't even register when a police siren whirs by, rushing off into the distance in response to a person's emergency. He can't exactly pinpoint the moment he slips away completely.

 

_____

 

"Should we let him sleep, hyung?" Hoseok asks Minhyuk as he feels Yoongi's breathing even out against him. He's a little worried. There's the distinct sensation of his small hyung's ribs digging into his back, and he's alarmingly light. Yoongi wasn't this skinny a month ago.

Minhyuk makes a sound of agreement. "He's been looking exhausted lately, and he'll need the rest for the performance tomorrow. Let him sleep-- I can take over carrying him, if you're getting tired."

Hoseok holds on to Yoongi tightly. Protectively. Even if Yoongi doesn't trust him with his burdens anymore, even if that stings more than Hoseok would ever admit, he still doesn't want to let him go. "No, I got him, hyung." Hoseok replies softly.

Minhyuk gives him a soft look, as if he knows what Hoseok is thinking. Hoseok finds it unnerving. "Alright. Just let me know if you get tired." Hoseok knows he won't. He won't get tired if it's Yoongi he's carrying.

Minhyuk switches off the camera, and they walk back to their hotel in silence.

 

_

 

  
Seokjin rushes out of the conference room the moment they're visible. "Pass him over, Hoseok." He commands, and Hoseok nearly recoils at the fierceness in his eldest hyung's voice.

"I-" He hasn't even done anything, but Hoseok feels as if he's being attacked. "I-um- yeah.." He gently lower Yoongi off his back, and Seokjin snatches him up, cradling him to his chest protectively, like he would a child as he runs a hand through the smaller male's hair. Hoseok is suddenly struck by how strong Seokjin actually is. He's certain he's not the only one to forget, since the eldest vocalist always seems to be playing the flower boy.

"He's okay, right?" Seokjin demands, and while he's speaking in hushed tone, Hoseok can almost hear the worried threat in his voice if Yoongi isn't. "I swear t-"

"Seokjin." Minhyuk's hand gently falls to the vocalist's shoulder, silencing him. "He's sleeping. There's no need to worry." Hoseok watches as all of the tension exits Seokjin's body, and he gives a sharp nod of comprehension.

"Can we postpone the nightly meeting until I put him to bed?" Seokjin asks, and Minhyuk sighs, but agrees to the request. It wouldn't be fair to say the exhausted rapper can sleep, but then leave him in a situation where he can be disturbed.

Seokjin automatically disappears with Yoongi into the elevator when he's dismissed, and Minhyuk herds Hoseok into the conference room, where the rest of the sleepy boys and managers are sitting, ready to talk about the day and go over tomorrow's schedule.

  
___

 

It isn't until Hoseok is stepping out of the shower and picking his clothes off the floor of the hotel bathroom, when he spots something smeared on the right shoulder and collar of his shirt, where Yoongi had been resting his head.

 

_Huh? That's weird._

 

It's a bright, white-beige, like the palest of skintones. It looks like strong makeup, but Yoongi doesn't have anything to cover. His skin has been virtually blemish free since the first day Hoseok met him.

He tries not to think about it too much. It doesn't mean anything, and they have a performance tomorrow. Even so, as he drifts off, his curiosity lingers.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the not so dramatic chapter(and possibly chapter to come but I'm not sure on that one yet). Big things are coming guys, I promise. Slowly but surely. I can't wait until I can actually get there and write it. ;~; Again, sorry if I make any mistakes/typos and I'm going to go back and edit this chapter again tomorrow; I'm getting a beta soon, I promise :/ Aaaaanyway, if you'd be so kind, leave me a review, tell me what you think! I always love feedback from everyone, and it keeps me motivated~ If only I could also be motivated to do my chemistry homework lmao


	9. Chapter 7- Calamity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I lied. It becomes pretty chaotic pretty fast.

 

 

Yoongi takes a shower in the morning, before Seokjin wakes. His skin is makeup free- his hyung must have used makeup removing wipes to take it off for him- and the violet patterns that formerly danced across his cheeks from his latest punishment are fading to a weird, sickly yellow. Yoongi's not going to complain. At least it's easier to cover.

He thoroughly washes himself, scrubbing at his skin until it's red and raw. He feels sticky and gross. He has no idea how Seokjin had managed to sleep beside him so comfortably when Yoongi had been so.. dirty.

Thankfully, sweat and grime washes down the drain, and by the time he steps out of the shower, skin pink from the scalding water and aggressive scrubbing, he feels a lot better. A lot cleaner. His hair is fresh and is scented of Seokjin's luxury shampoo and conditioner(the elder had given him permission a few weeks ago to use his products), and he finds that the lingering fragrance is rather comforting. It's probably so calming because it costs so much. Yoongi supposes he understands why Seokjin would buy it, despite the price tag. Yoongi himself does spend a silly amount of money on bath bombs per month.

He dries himself off, staring at his reflection in the mirror. His skin tone is slowly evening out again, turning back into a normal flesh tone, and he stares a little harder at the yellowing patches on his otherwise unblemished skin. He'd give it maybe another week for it to be completely gone, as long as he stays in line. He sighs, running a hand through his damp hair.

He supposes it's time to wake Seokjin for the day. At this point, he's just hoping morning kisses don't become a regular thing. It's much too intimate, too sweet, for the relationship between the two of them.

(Of course, the world is against him, and Seokjin demands a kiss the moment he wakes).

 

___

  
  
Rehearsal is running late. Perspiration drips from their faces, and their breathing is ragged as they push through their last three songs.

"Yoongi! Your intervals between Jimin and Hoseok! Check them!" Someone calls out.

Yoongi scowls, but rechecks his intervals all the same, before realizing he needs to shift a little to the right.

"Always be aware of your expressions, Namjoon, Taehyung!" Someone else reminds them, and while Yoongi can't see them from where he is in the formation, he assumes they're letting their exhaustion show on their faces.

"Support your voice more, Jin! I know you're just supporting vocals but you can't slack off!" A cast member sitting two rows back shouts, and Yoongi's gaze flickers to the eldest male for a brief second. While Seokjin does as he's told, to Yoongi's ears, his voice sounds strained, like they're pushing him too far, and his eyes are narrowed slightly. It could be from the bright ass lighting shining down on them, but Yoongi has a feeling Seokjin is holding back tears, or something close to the sort.

Even if he doubts his hyung's emotional sincerity, even if he doubts his hyung's honesty, his morals, Yoongi does know one thing for certain. Seokjin tries hard. He practices dancing, practices singing, even when everyone assumes he would have passed out from exhaustion. Seokjin is a hard worker, doing his best to make up for not being an inherently talented person. Yoongi can't help but admire him for that, and even if he hates him, there's a part of him that wants to reassure him. Seokjin has done the same for him in the past, after all, and even if they were lies, it had been nice to feel like someone had been there for him.

However, his part is coming up, so he abandons the thought, moving to the front as their formation morphs, rapping his lyrics with as much ferocity as he can generate, allowing his movements to flow with the beat of the music. As his last verse finishes, he slides into the background, allowing Jungkook to take up the chorus, Taehyung following him into the center of the formation as he harmonizes with him in the background of the song.

Taehyung's eyes meet Jungkook's for a brief moment, and while Yoongi knows the moment is fabricated into the choreography for the sake of what the fans call 'ships', Jungkook's gaze is so intense that Yoongi has to look away. He irritatedly finds himself wondering if Seokjin looks at him in the same manner.

He shakes off the feeling. That's not a fair comparison. Jungkook genuinely cares for Taehyung. Seokjin probably doesn't feel anything besides determination to succeed and hatred for failure or anything that gets in his way of what he wants. Yoongi sighs as he allows himself to fall into the muscle memory of the dance, the extension of limbs, the exertion of muscles. He just needs to stop thinking. Now isn't time to think about anything besides the movements of the dance.

One song flows to the next, and BigHit's staff continue to pick apart their performance, calling each of them out until the end in their final positions. It's hard work, and focusing takes more energy than Yoongi would ever like to admit, but he's tired. He can hear reprimands ringing in his ears. Snap movements faster. Articulate better. Reach farther. Each and every one of them sounds like failure, right up until the end of rehearsal.

Jimin tosses him a water bottle. "You okay there, hyung?" He inquires, cocking his head. Yoongi shifts his gaze to the bottle at hand. Jimin's eyes visibly follow his every movement in a manner that can only be taken as worried.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" He juts out his chin, raising his eyebrow in a challenging kind of way. Had he been that bad at dancing today? Enough to make even Jimin call him out on it?

Jimin only sighs disappointedly. "I don't know hyung. You just look sad." Oh. Yoongi's defensive expression softens a tad, and he reaches up to ruffle Jimin's messy hair. He's not sad. His thoughts are just heavy, that's all.

"Don't worry about me, kiddo. Just got a lot on my mind, that's all." He replies, and for whatever reason, he catches Seokjin's eye. Yoongi quickly retracts his his hand as the eldest hyung approaches.

"Yoongi-yah. Are you ready for tonight?" Seokjin's smile seems forced, and Yoongi remembers the biting words thrown at his hyung by one of BigHit's employees. Seokjin understands, he thinks. The overwhelming sense of not being good enough. He instinctively finds himself reaching for the elder male, who welcomes him by his side, crooked fingers playing with the back of Yoongi's bleached hair.

A subtle sigh leaves his lips at the familiar sensation, and he allows himself to focus his attention back on Jimin, who's now frowning. "Yeah, Jin-hyung. I can't wait for tonight." The words come from his mouth automatically, even if he isn't. He's lying through his teeth. He's not ready for anything. He just want to go home. He wants this tightness in his chest to go away, the lightness of his head to fade. He just wants to feel grounded again. He feels like he's about to float away and break down all at once.

"You look half dead." Jimin calls him out on his lie, right there in the middle of the stage, in front of everyone. Yoongi flinches. "Your under eye circles are so bad they're sunken into your skull; they're more than just discoloration." Jimin's jaw seems to clench. "You look so damn out of it I'm scared you're going to pass out any minute." Yoongi looks away, a nervous pounding in his chest. It feels like he can't breathe. _Please stop talking._  "You can't tell me you're okay, hyung. You're not okay. I don't believe you."

"Jimin!" Seokjin's voice is sharp, biting. "Watch your tongue." He has stopped playing with Yoongi's hair, instead allowing his arm to fall to Yoongi's waist, holding him close. It's reassuring. "Yoongi is a perfectly functioning adult. He doesn't need you telling him how he supposedly is doing." The eldest vocalist has his head cocked, a faint but aggressive curl to his lips.

Jimin outright sneers. "I don't want to hear that from the one who practically attacked him less than two months ago over a situation he had no control over." Yoongi swallows tightly. The tension is practically palatable, the air between them crackling with negative energy, and he just wants it to _stop_. Seokjin has that look in his eyes, like he wants to deck Jimin in the face, but they can't fight, not before a performance, not when-

"Boys!" Seijin's voice rings out, and Yoongi's fingers curl into the lower back of Seokjin's shirt as if it will protect him from Jimin's wrath as their giant of a manager crosses the stage in only a couple of strides. Seijin's large hands come to rest on on the two vocalists' shoulders, forcing them to take a step back. "What do think you're doing? We're going back to the hotel for dinner and a shower before we get ready for the performance."

Seokjin bows his head. "My apologies, hyung. It won't happen again." _Lies_. Yoongi nearly chokes hiding the threat of hysterical laughter, the chaos of the day he disappeared ringing in his ears, the image of Jimin and Seokjin so close to fighting in their living room burned into his mind. Besides, he never has gotten used to that genuine sound of Seokjin's voice, and it just adds to the hilarity of the situation.

"I'll hold you to it, Jin." Seijin replies, inclining his head slightly. "Don't lower yourself to arguing over silly matters." Seokjin sighs, brushing Yoongi's grip off of his shirt subtly before turning on his heel to take his leave.

"Don't take too long, Yoongi-chi. I expect you to sit with me in the van." Seokjin chirps sweetly over his shoulder as he elegantly sweeps from the stage. Yoongi waits for him and Seijin alike to leave before he opens his mouth again.

"Please don't look for a fight with Jinnie-hyung." He practically begs Jimin, refraining from grabbing for the front of Jimin's sweaty shirt pleadingly. "He doesn't mean any harm but you keep provoking him!"

The look on Jimin's face is pure frustration. Yoongi does his best not to recoil. "What? I'm the one provoking him? How can you say that hyung, when he treats you as if you can't act or think for yourself?"

Yoongi frowns. He knows how Seokjin treats him. He knows Seokjin babies him. Seokjin makes a lot of the decisions in his daily life for him, from the clothes chosen for his closet(all fashionable no matter what they're paired with) to the food he eats during lunch and supper. "He's just watching out for me." He lies through his teeth, desperate to make Jimin understand. Jimin can't start digging around. Jimin is the one at the very top of Seokjin's shit list. "You know I've been off lately; he's protective, that's all."

"Absolute bullshit, and you know it." Jimin declares, and Yoongi's eyes narrow.

"I've no idea what you're talking about. You're seeing things that aren't there, Jimin." He replies harshly, heart skipping a beat in his anxiety. Absolutely not. "I know you've been weary of hyung since that day, but he hasn't done anything wrong! He takes care of me."

"You've fucking lost it, Yoongi-hyung!" Jimin snarls, and if he were thinking more clearly, Yoongi would be terrified by how aggressive the younger is being. If he were thinking more clearly, Jimin's behavior would be far too familiar for comfort, but he's not thinking clearly, and all he knows is that he has to defend his hyung. He has to defend Seokjin from Jimin's harsh words. Seokjin doesn't deserve them.

"You're holding a grudge against him for a moment when he was under an enormous amount of stress!" Yoongi retorts, fists clenching. Logically, as much as Jimin is right-something he refuses to acknowledge- Yoongi is genuinely offended by his dongsaeng's words.

"Are you stupid? He was in your face, screaming at you!" Jimin's voice raises in pitch and volume in his fury.

"As are you!" Yoongi can't take this anymore, can't listen to Jimin's response, and he turns on his heel to stomp off when he realizes they've garnered an audience. He pales visibly, even if it's thankfully not one of the staff that could possibly gossip about them. Instead, Taehyung's piercingly calm, wide eyes meet his, and his dongsaeng cocks his head curiously, as if asking why they have to be fighting. His soft features are nonjudgmental, kind.

Yoongi recoils, and he does what he does best. He flees.

 

___

 

  
The crowd, the moment they step onto the stage, is deafening. Their fans are screaming at the top of their lungs, just for them, and it continues through their first song, which passes without issues, leaving them all only slightly breathless. Either way, they collect themselves to play the idols that all of their fans paid for. It's actually not as hard as he anticipated. He tends to forget that it's later on in tours that suck all the life from them, but the first ones are fun.

He scans the crowd as Namjoon lets out a shout, greeting their ARMY proudly. There's a sea of posters and boards, their names, faces, plastered across them.

Hell, there are even signs that have _pairings_  on them. There's one with a screen shot from forever ago where Hoseok and Taehyung had kissed on Rookie King, the uncensored version(Yoongi doesn't know how the fans got a hold of the unedited clip), Seokjin and Namjoon-he feels a rush of anger at that one- of Jimin and Jungkook, Taehyung and Jungkook, Namjoon and Jimin(he tries not to scoff), and more. He even spots quite a few of his own name with Jimin, with Taehyung, and with Hoseok. He tries not to laugh. Ridiculous. Even so, in some way, it's comforting to see that their fans never really change.

Forcing himself to focus back on what's going on, he hears Taehyung let out an excited shout, pumping up the crowd. A smile manages its way to his lips as his dongsaeng enraptures the crowd with a radiant, boxy smile and warm eyes.

Taehyung doesn't just have their fans' attention, either. He is the master of charming anyone who is willing to give him the time of day, and Bangtan-Yoongi included- is no exception. Jungkook's expression is particularly fond, and even Seokjin is smiling at their second youngest, but that just makes Yoongi's stomach twist uncomfortably.

Despite it all, he says his lines, plays his part, cringes a little at the others when they fool around and pretends to be exasperated when someone tries to pull him into the fun. He finds all of the posturing tiring, but pushes himself into the role nonetheless, and their fans' shouts and laughter are the encouragement he needs to continue. They like him like this.

Taehyung slings an arm around his shoulder. Yoongi prods him in the side in retaliation but doesn't push him away, though he does let out a sound of complaint. Taehyung doesn't let go. If anything, he pulls him closer, as if he's trying to offer up his own energy for Yoongi to make it through the night.

He leans into the touch ever so slightly as Namjoon starts speaking again. Seokjin seems wholly focused on their leader, and he's once again struck with a sense of bitterness. Fuck this. Fuck Namjoon and his stupid crush on Seokjin. Seokjin needs to stay away from Namjoon. And Hoseok and Taehyung and Jungkook. He needs to keep his distance from the rest of the kids. Before Seokjin hurts them out of spite. Yoongi will do anything to keep them safe, even if it means taking all of Seokjin's attention for himself.

And so that's what he does. Throughout the whole night, their entire concert, he absolutely hoards Seokjin's attention. Dancing and performing? He puts in his all, despite his tiredness. Conversing and interacting with the crowd? Yoongi clings to Seokjin, burying his face in elder male's back. Sure, he's sweaty, gross, but he smells like bergamot and cedarwood with the faintest hint of something he can't quite name, but Yoongi knows it's expensive. Besides, there's something weirdly secure about hiding behind Seokjin's broad shoulders.

He knows there's going to be posts all over the internet tomorrow, showing his odd behavior. He knows he's not normally touchy, not in front of fans, especially with Seokjin of all people and netizens will be coming up with ridiculous theories, but he doesn't care at this point. He just.. just.. wants Seokjin to consistently look at him. It's the safest. The best way to keep the others protected.

"Aish, Yoongi-yah. You're so cute today." Seokjin shameless teases him, and he can feel his cheeks heat up, thankfully hidden under the layers of foundation caked onto his skin.

"Shut up, hyung." He mumbles, and the whole stadium rumbles with adoring 'aww's, as if he's trying to be cute. Yoongi does his best not to feel sick at the thought.  
  
Everyone is staring at them. Jimin is visibly displeased, and Hoseok's expression seems to mimic the vocalist's. Taehyung's eyes are curious but not nonjudgmental, as always. At least that never changes. Jungkook looks worried. Not even Namjoon is trying to hide the direction of his gazes, though he looks to be more hurt than anything. Yoongi silently apologizes to him.

Yoongi doesn't care. He really fucking doesn't. Not today, not right now. The others just need to stay away. Yoongi doesn't want to stand by and watch as the others get close to Seokjin. Getting close to Seokjin means getting hurt, after all.

The only time he separates himself from Seokjin's side is when they're dancing, performing, showing off for their fans. He allows himself to interact with the other members, but he's constantly at Seokjin's side. He interacts with Hoseok with careful smiles, allows Taehyung to play with his hair, and jokes with Jungkook and Namjoon. He treats Jimin with caution throughout the night. He doesn't trust that they can keep up friendly appearances when there's such a contrasting of opinions.

Every time Jimin's gaze accidentally locks with his own, he swears he can feel the tension escalating, radiating throughout the entire venue. It's uncomfortable. Really, really uncomfortable. It feels like Jimin wants to eat him alive for defending Seokjin. For depending on Seokjin. Yoongi does his best to ignore it. Better an angry Jimin than an angry Seokjin, right?

His thoughts are all-consuming, weighing him down. He can't help it. Even as he does his best to charm ARMYs, even as he dances, they're there in the back of his mind. So much so, in fact, he barely even feels it when he rolls his ankle, foot catching on something during a song with particularly straining choreography. He just keeps going, limbs moving like a well oiled machine, precise and refined, and even when he does feel it, he ignores the sharp, piercing sensation.

He manages the rest of their songs with gritted teeth and gasping breaths that haven't been an issue since before debut days. It's hard to focus as light headed as he is, and he has to send a mental thanks to Hoseok for pushing them so hard when it comes to practice, otherwise he probably would have made a few more mistakes than just lagging milliseconds behind everyone else.

He doesn't say much while they thank everyone for coming out, not really elaborating on his words, tending to pay more attention to attempting to keep his weight off of his left ankle and look like he's not actually hurting. He vaguely noted that Taehyung is giving him worried looks, but it's still hard to breathe, still hard to focus on anything besides breathing and getting ahold of himself, and he nearly cries with relief as they turn to leave the stage.

He doesn't know why he's still lightheaded, doesn't know why he feels like he's about to die, why he's dizzy, lightheaded, why he can't breath, and it's terrifying. The feeling is building, building- suffocating- "Jin-hyung." He gasps the moment he turns his mic off, and as they leave the stage in line, his hand is outreached to desperately grasp at the back of Seokjin's coat.

His fingers curl into the thin, expensive fabric, and he feels himself wavering. His legs finally give out beneath him just as Seokjin turns to give him his attention. His last view is his hyung's eyes widening in genuine fear as the world is overtaken by darkness.

 

_

 

"Shit!" Seokjin catches Yoongi's falling form seconds before he hits the ground. "Tae, go get Seijin-hyung. Joon, get ahold of the medical staff!" Thankfully, they're out of view from the fans, and Seokjin manuvers Yoongi's prone form into a bridal carry, sprinting in the direction of their dressing room, the rest of the members following after them. He lays him down on a couch, causing a few of the backstage staff to scatter in all directions. Seokjin checks that Yoongi's heart is beating, that he's breathing with shaking hands. Jimin paces around the room worriedly, and Hoseok is jittery and on edge. Jungkook looks like he's holding back tears.

"I told him!" Jimin rags, frustrated, and he looks as if he's about to start ranting. "I told him he wasn't okay, and then he goes and collapses! What part of that is okay, huh? And you!" Jimin turns on Seokjin, a fire in his eyes. "You're his roommate, and you let him run himself into the ground! Everyone's seen how much weight he's lost, he's practically skin and bones, he looks half dead, and you don't say a thing!"

  
"Me? I support and care for him more than you will ever know." Seokjin sneers, but he doesn't move from his spot kneeling by Yoongi's small frame, choosing to run his fingers through the rapper's sweaty hair instead of lowering himself to Jimin's level. He had promised Manager Seijin, after all.

"Guys, this isn't helping!" Jungkook looks alarmed by the verbal assault that Jimin is subjecting their eldest member to.

"You mean control him? Yeah, you do." Jimin's voice can only be described as acidic, and his catlike eyes are narrowed in his anger. Seokjin does his best to not smirk in amusement. "You choose what he eats, what he wears, what he does. That's not caring, that's controlling."

"Jimin, I don't think-" Hoseok interjects, only for Jimin to rant over him.

Seokjin shrugs, interrupting Jimin. "Yoongi-chi doesn't like decisions. They cause him stress. He doesn't mind." He replies, glancing to the frail rapper, whose small chest rises and falls shakily. They're all on edge. He might as well be the mature one. Besides, it's not his fault his doll is a fragile one. There's no doubt that Seokjin will have to be more careful.

"Bull-"

"We're here, move." Taehyung and Namjoon burst in, medical team and their swarm of managers filling up the room. Bangtan as a whole scramble backwards-save for Seokjin- to get out of the medical team's way.

"Everyone, besides head manager, get out please." The head of the medical team commands. Bangtan tenses. Even if they've had members pass out before, even if they've had members injure themselves before, something about this feels different.

"But-" Jungkook protests.

"Go!"

Bangtan reluctantly filters out of the room, but they refuse to leave the hall, right outside. Their managers, however, have a schedule they're supposed to be on, so they're forced to go their separate ways. Seokjin looks around. Jungkook is biting at the inside of his cheek, looking nervous, and Namjoon is shifting from foot to foot. Jimin has an odd mix of anger and fear plastered across his face, and Hoseok seems to be a ball of nerves, lips formed into a worried triangle. Taehyung looks to comfort Seokjin himself, curling himself around Seokjin's back.

"Don't worry, hyung. You can relax. He's in capable hands." Seokjin lets out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, forcing the tension that had built up out of his body.

"I should have seen it coming." He whispers. He had seen Yoongi has been getting thinner. How could he not, when they're roommates, and he had so often run his fingers over the rapper's visible ribs? He had looked so delicate, so beautiful, it had never crossed his mind that the weight loss had probably been taking a toll on him physically on top of how far they had been pushed during practice. He had chosen to disregard the knowledge that Yoongi had been overworking himself, especially with the way he had been losing weight, but it seems having turned a blind eye had been a mistake on his part.

He's bitter. Even if he is Yoongi's roommate, why did it all fall on his shoulders? Huh? Namjoon never told Yoongi anything. Neither did Hoseok, or Jungkook. Seokjin isn't the only one with eyes, and yet he's the one that seems the most accountable. It's unfair. Really fucking unfair.

"Perhaps." Taehyung agrees quietly, for only Seokjin to hear, nuzzling him reassuringly. "But we learn from our mistakes, don't we, hyung?" Seokjin sighs, looking worn down and tired, despite the adrenaline that should have been running through his veins from their performance.

"That we do, Taehyungie. That we do." He whispers in agreement as his favorite dongsaeng relinquishes him in order to glue himself to Jimin's side. While irritation runs through his veins at the the younger continuously running back to the person who defies him at every turn, Seokjin just accepts it. Taehyung.. Taehyung always has been a free soul, after all. He can't fault him for that.

"Guys..was it just me, or did his ankle look swollen?" Hoseok asks shakily, and Jungkook gives a small nod of agreement.

"It looked like.. like he was dancing on an injury." Jungkook says hesitantly, stumbling over his words. "It looked like it was bruising, too." Seokjin blinks slowly as he takes this new information in. Had he been too distracted to notice that Yoongi had gotten injured?

"Why didn't he say anything?" Namjoon asks rhetorically, looking frustrated. "He would have been allowed to take a break! What if he caused more damage by dancing?"

Taehyung and Jimin say nothing, Seokjin notices. Taehyung seems contemplative and slightly troubled. Jimin.. Jimin's expression is constantly morphing, looking to be something between anger, worry, guilt, and fear.

"Maybe he didn't think it was that bad, Joonie. Maybe he didn't want to be seen as weak." Seokjin murmurs quietly.

"He's not weak! If he's in pain, he should tell us!" Namjoon protests weakly, but Seokjin shakes his head.

"I never said he was weak, but we all know how he is. He likes to carry his burdens alone." He replies placatingly, and Namjoon looks as if he wants to hit his head against the wall.

"That hyung.." Their leader mumbled under his breath, and Seokjin kindly embraces him, rubbing comforting circles into Namjoon's broad shoulders.

"It's not your fault, Joon. You're a good leader. We can't catch everything, alright? Yoongi-chi will be okay." Seokjin soothes, though he feels like he's going to lose his own mind with worry. Had Yoongi passed out from exhaustion, or malnutrition? Or had it been the pain of the injury? He has no idea. Had he really been so oblivious towards his dear Yoongi? He grinds his teeth together. He's going to have to start paying more attention to his precious doll.

Namjoon opens his mouth to reply, but never actually manages to get out what he was going to say, because the door to the dressing room opens, and a member of the medical team and Seijin step out to update them. Hospital. Hospital. They're taking Yoongi to the hospital. High possibility of malnutrition. They'll be taking X-rays on the ankle. There's large amounts of bruising, and the medics have questions that no one can answer. They don't know if Yoongi can finish the tour with them.

No one has the will to say anything, and the air is thick with unease long after Yoongi is wheeled off to the hospital. Everyone looks lost, guilty, angry all at once, and it's safe to say, for the first time in his life, Seokjin feels the same. He doesn't know what to do without Yoongi, and he has a vague feeling that this might be his fault.

He'll be more careful, next time. He'll give Yoongi bigger portions. He'll be more gentle, until Yoongi can get back to his feet, metaphorically and literally. He'll be sure to love Yoongi better.

 

He promises.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late. College is hard.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter wasn't supposed to be like this, but things kinda got out of hand while writing it. It wasn't on accident, though, that as soon as Yoongi starts healing his friendship with Hoseok that his friendship with Jimin goes to shit, trust me, I did that part on purpose lmao. Be sure to tell me what you think, because this is where things clearly start to go downhill, both in Yoongi's mentality, and his situation in general. :D


	10. Chapter 8- The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoongi lies a little bit, Seokjin takes advantage of a moment of weakness, and time passes as Yoongi is babysat by one of their managers.

 

 

 

 

The first time Yoongi finds himself drifting into awareness, he's freezing cold. A thin blanket is draped over his form, and the room he's in is so damn bright-so damn white- it hurts his eyes. He shuts them tightly, and wills himself to disappear.

The second time Yoongi wakes, he has no idea where he is, he's alone, secluded, and the only sounds he can hear are the beating of his heart and an irritating beeping, and it's scary.  _"Jin-hyung."_  He whimpers, attempting to shift into a ball, but the bed is not made for moving around in, and he knocks his ankle into the frame. It doesn't make strong contact, but the pain that shoots up his leg is enough to leave him reeling.

"Fuck!" He gasps, curling in on himself, regretting the action immediately.

It hurts. Everything hurts. His head hurts. His ankle hurts. He squeeze his eyes shut and the beeping gets more and more incessant, and everything is so overwhelming-

"How are you feeling, Mr. Min?"

A soft, thickly accented voice snaps him out of it, and he raises his head to look at who the voice was coming from. The man looks to be in his early thirties and appears rather unassuming, a round pair of glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. His cheeks are soft and round, eyes wide and kind. Yoongi would never guess he was a hospital worker, were it not for the white coat and stethoscope around his neck.

"Who're you?" Yoongi croaks weakly as he sits up, brushing away the panic that is attempting to settle in his chest. Where is Seokjin? Or Namjoon? Seijin-hyung? Hell, he'd even take Kwangtaek-hyung, and they barely interact with each other! He'd do anything for a familiar face. The beeping on the monitor grows more intense, and his face flushed with embarrassment as his anxieties are shown off for the nurse to see.

"I'm Kim Hikaru. I'm a nurse here at the Silverbird Hospital." The nurse, _Hikaru_ , interrupts the slew of internal thoughts and humiliation that threatens to swallow him up.

Yoongi pauses, and he can't quite help the scoff that escapes his lips, momentarily distracted. "Who names a hospital _Silverbird Hospital?"_

Hikaru just shrugs, clearly not understanding the reasoning behind the name either. "Ask our founder Mr. Nagaoka." He says as he flits around the room, checking the monitors, before repeating the question Yoongi had chosen to ignore the first time around. "Now, can tell me how you're feeling? Ankle hurt?"

Yoongi groans. How embarrassing _._  He had passed the fuck out, right in front of everyone. He probably gave everyone a heart attack, and Jimin is probably going to rub it in his face.

"I knocked it on the bed earlier." He says, waving his hand in a vague, dismissive manner, and Hikaru raises an eyebrow at him, as if saying, _'That's not an answer'._  Yoongi grudgingly grumbles, "It hurts."

The nurse nods, taking note on a clipboard that he's seeming produced from thin air. "In a little bit, we're going to go and talk with Dr. Reizei. Would you like something to eat, beforehand?" Yoongi pauses, lowering his head to stare at his pale hands for a short moment before shaking his head.

"No. I'm good." He replies softly, and the nurse frowns, the expression marring his kind features.

"Mr. Min," Hikaru's soft demeanor shifts from something soft and warm to something a little colder. Yoongi can't help but be reminded of Seokjin, and he twines his fingers together in his lap uncomfortably. "I believe I phrased that wrong. You're going to be eating lunch before you meet up with Dr. Reizei. Unfortunately, your managers are not going to be joining us for the meal to see the appropriate diet you will be following, but I'll be sure to pass over a copy when they join us."

Yoongi swallows tightly. Oh boy.

_

 

The hospital food wasn't as bad as he had thought it would be, but it hadn't made it any easier for him to swallow after making it half way through the tray- Hikaru had made him finish the whole thing- and now that he's sitting in front of doctor Reizei, Yoongi's stomach churns uncomfortably as the man checks him over, though it's not the man himself. Reizei, like the nurse, is a soft looking man with kind eyes, pretty pink lips and a honeyed smile. His frame is small and dainty, and he's everything Yoongi has ever wished he could be.

The doctor gestures for Yoongi to relax a bit, kindly talking to him about mindless subjects as takes off the compression bandages to check his ankle. The rapper's eyes widen in surprise. His ankle is deep aubergine in color, tainted with a sickening green and swollen larger than he thought possible. Reizei's small hands are is gentle as he handles Yoongi's ankle, but Yoongi can't help but hiss and have suppress a flinch at the touch. It _hurts_. He can't help but wonder how he had ever managed to walk, much less dance on the injury. Perhaps the dancing had made it worse.

Despite his ankle's clear displeasure at being handled, Yoongi sits stiff and endure it, making sure to be on his best behavior. His hands curl into fists by his side, but he tolerantly answers all of the questions without hesitance. That is, until the hard questions start.

"Mr. Min, can you tell me where these bruises come from?" Yoongi doesn't flinch as the marks of Seokjin's need to control and degrade, the dark coloration on his knees from the against the floor, are pointed to by a dainty, soft hand. Yoongi pushes away his fascination, ignoring the disgust that wells up inside of him like a disease when he compares to his own knobby knuckles and short, bitten nails. He suddenly feels sick.

"I'm clumsy." He replies after a slow moment, his voice carefully evened out, void of anything that could give him away. "I've fallen over my suitcase in the airport before." Yoongi adds, as if to validate his statement, which is true, to an extent. There are fansite pictures that can pinpoint the moment in time. "Those I got while falling to my knees too roughly in practice though."

"On your collarbones and hips?"

"I've a passionate lover. Please don't tell my company; we're not supposed to have relationships."

"And your face?" The doctor seems dubious of his statements, but it's not like he can refute them. They have nothing but Yoongi's word.

"I, um." Yoongi's makes sure to shift awkwardly, pale cheeks stained red with genuine humiliation. He tries to ignore the fact the yellowing mass of the old bruises on his face are uncovered for all to see. It's not pretty, but at least it's not shaped like Seokjin's hand. Even so, he wants to cake cushion over it all until there's not a hint of it left. "May have had an accident with a flailing limb during a dance rehearsal. Was standing too far to the left."

Reizei's demeanor never changes from concerned, and while something crosses his face, the expression is gone in the blink of an eye. Nothing more slips past his professional demeanor. "I see." Yoongi counts it as a win in his book, even when the doctor's questions veer off onto another topic, almost just as uncomfortable as the one before it.

At least he's allowed to apply his makeup before Seijin sees him.

 

______

 

Yoongi is released from the hospital that day on crutches and an a packet of information. Seijin has been given a strict diet that Yoongi is to follow, much to his disgruntlement, and apparently he's to sit back, prop up his leg, and ice his ankle and a few other things that he knows Seijin wrote down that weren't in the packet. Apparently his collapse was due to exhaustion layered on top of malnutrition, and guilt eats away at his stomach.

He remembers all those times in the studio Namjoon had brought him food, only for Yoongi to throw it into the trash the moment his leader had left the Genius Lab. Food was always an afterthought, and he needed to loose weight, but there's no way he can perform if he continues to pass out, which is sure to happen if he doesn't stop rejecting food. Despite everything, he wants to perform. He needs to. He doesn't want to disappoint any of their fans. They and Bangtan are what he lives for, after all. He can't let his own negligence affect the group.

Even so, he can't help if eating upsets his stomach more than starving. He can't help if some flavors settle too strongly on his tongue, are too rich to handle after so long of just consuming whatever bland, low calorie, convenient food is closest.

"Yoongi, Yoonjae will be going home with you, to make sure you don't accidentally hurt yourself any farther." Seijin declares, and Yoongi can't find it in himself to protest. At least Seijin respects him enough to tell him to his face, instead of attempting to pass it off as something else. Yoongi is annoyed at best. He wants to continue. Seijin seems to see his will, because he sighs. "After you get better, if you're fit to dance, Bang PD wants you back on stage. You should heal completely before the tour is over, so you'll be able to rejoin us."

Yoongi nods slowly. "Can.. can I say bye to everyone, or do they have too busy with schedules?" He inquires hesitantly, and Seijin's expression goes kind. "I'll bring you to see them during their lunch break. In the meantime, can you tell me what happened between you and Jimin at the final rehearsal?"

Yoongi damn near melts into the floor in embarrassment at the request, and while his first instinct is to lie, he knows better when their head manager gives him that expectant look. "Jimin is.. Jimin is.. angry. He's still holding a grudge for Jin-hyung's behavior the day I, uh, dissociated." He admits quietly.

Seijin's expression morphs into something akin to morbid curiosity. "And what happened on that day? I don't believe I heard of any other problems." Yoongi curses himself internally. He had forgotten that Namjoon had decided the almost-fight an internal Bangtan matter to be handled, unnecessary for their managers to be involved.

"They argued. Jin-hyung had scolded me, and Jimin thought it was too harsh. Joon stepped in before too much happened though, and it was settled between us." He mumbles vaguely, giving a small shrug. "It's just that I think he's weary of him now, because he had never seen thing so genuinely angry before." He gives a weak sigh.

"Jimin just puts too many expectations on Jin-hyung's shoulders. He forgets that despite everything, hyung is a person too, and unfairly accused of things, a person will lose their temper at some point or another." His statement is bland, and Seijin gives him a look. Yoongi wills himself not to flinch. "We were arguing because he can't look past a mistake Jin-hyung made while under a huge amount of pressure."

His manager sighs. "Your argument was rather heated-- while I couldn't make out the words, I heard the shouting all the way from the dressing rooms."

"I couldn't let Jin-hyung take heat for something he wasn't at fault for." Yoongi shakes his head weakly. Seokjin may have done some bad things, but he doesn't deserve Jimin's ire. Seokjin never deserves Jimin's ire. Yoongi's, maybe. Yoongi thinks he's been on the tail end of Seokjin's bullshit enough to warrant a little anger.

Seijin's only response is to give Yoongi a tired smile. "Of course not. You've always been good about standing up for what you believe in."

Something painful nearly claws its way out of his throat as his manager's words hit a particularly sensitive nerve, and Yoongi has to look away. He's good at standing up for what he believes in? If that's the case, _why can't he stand up for himself?_  His situation seems to hit him all at once, and he does his best to not burst into hysterical laughter. _Because he doesn't deserve it. Because standing up for himself means destroying the only thing keeping him afloat. Because Bangtan means more to him than his own self ever will._

"Yeah, hyung." His voice sounds strangled. "I guess I have." Seijin pats him on the shoulder, not unkindly, but the large hand makes him flinch. Seijin makes no indication of noticing, changing the subject without a thought in the world.

"Anyway, be on your best behavior for Yoonjae, alright? Eat everything he puts on your plate and go to bed when he tells you to." The manager teases, and Yoongi lets out a weak laugh.

"I'll be a good boy for Yoonjae-hyung." He hums, and Seijin smiles in response, as if he had expected the response.

"Come on." Seijin hands Yoongi a pair of crutches, which he takes carefully. "They boys will be having lunch in thirty minutes, we should get going about now if you want to meet up before you get shipped back home." Yoongi nods as he stands, trying to not grimace. _Shipped back home like damaged goods,_  his mind whispers, and he shakes the thought away. That's not what Seijin means in the slightest, but Yoongi can't help the bitterness that wells up inside of him anyway as he limps his way out to the taxi Seijin had flagged down.

 

______

 

As soon as he enters the lunch room, Seijin closes the door behind him to give them some privacy, Yoongi is assaulted with shouts of joy and a barrage questions. He winces. It's all a bit overwhelming, it's noisy, he doesn't-

"Yoongi-hyung." Namjoon's calm voice cuts through the cacophony, and he welcomes Yoongi with one of their rare but genuine hugs. Yoongi smiles weakly.

"I'm okay, Joon. It's just a bad ankle, and um.." He shifts awkwardly. "Malnutrition. Seems like I need to remember to eat more." Even if he doesn't want to. Even if it makes him feel sick. He wants to rejoin the others, after all. He wants.. he wants.. he wants too much for someone like himself. He needs to stop being so greedy.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Seokjin and Taehyung frown. Yoongi pretends that he doesn't see them.

"I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me." He says as their leader takes a step back, accidentally kicking out Yoongi's crutch as he does so. The look of abject horror on his face is almost laughable as Yoongi finds himself falling, only to be caught by a worried Jungkook's quick reflexes.

"Really Joon? I thought you were one of the few people who wasn't out to get me." He jokes tastelessly as Jungkook helps over to a chair.

"I'm so sorry, hyung." Namjoon apologizes embarrassedly, and Yoongi barks out a laugh.

"I know you didn't mean it."

"You should be more careful, Joonie." Seokjin's voice is quiet, but to Yoongi, the words seem to echo around the room sharply. No one else seems to hear a thing, or care, even as Seokjin makes his way to Yoongi's side.

"We should all be more careful with Yoongi-hyung." Taehyung says, patting Yoongi's shoulders softly, and Yoongi's honestly surprised that Seokjin doesn't brush the younger vocalist's hands off of him. Seokjin has done it before, when Hoseok got too handsy. What? Is he not worth the effort anymore? "He's our small, hurt hyung."

"You forgot precious, Taetae. He's our precious and small hurt hyung." Jungkook pipes up teasingly, gently dislodging Taehyung in favor on draping himself over Yoongi's shoulders, nuzzling him, and a lovely combination of vanilla and something a lot deeper and more complex reaches his nose. Was Jungkook trying to impress? That fragrance smelled like an attempt at seduction.

Yoongi pulls an expression though as the maknae's words finally register in his head. "Yah!" He makes a sound of protest, only to hear that familiar, squeaking laugh. Oh. Jin is laughing.

"Aww.. look, he's smiling! Not so heartless, are you, hyung?" Hoseok says playfully, though he seems a bit hesitant to join in. Yoongi blinks in surprise. He's smiling? Oh. When did that happen? He doesn't even care if Hoseok just called him heartless. They both know that he isn't, no matter the amount of posturing he does. After all, Hoseok has seen him break down countless times since their debut days.

"He's never been heartless, Hoseokie." Namjoon interjects but keeps his distance, probably for Yoongi's best interest. Yoongi doesn't want to end up out of commission any longer than he has to, and Namjoon is a certified safety hazard.  
  
"Yoongi-chi's a wholehearted softie." Seokjin agrees, reaching over Jungkook to run his fingers through Yoongi's hair, which the rapper instinctively leans into, eyes fluttering shut. "A good boy, though his heart may be a bit too big."

Yoongi tilts his head upwards and opens an eye to look at Seokjin directly, fear fluttering in his chest. What is Seokjin trying to do? Humiliate him in front of everyone? "I think you might be pushing it a little, hyung. I'm not quite that nice." He protests weakly, which only spurs on Seokjin's peals of laughter.

"Keep telling yourself that, Yoongi-chi." His hyung replies, causing Yoongi to purse his lips, though he quickly regrets it when Taehyung, with a teasing grin, points out,

"Hyung, you're pouting." Yoongi's expression quickly morphs into neutrality, and his eyebrow twitches ever so slightly as he hears Hoseok giggling in the background.

"No, no, it was cute!" Jungkook protests, curling himself around Yoongi tighter. Yoongi tries not to react, but it feels constricting, like he's being trapped in an iron hold that he can't escape. A pathetic whimper escapes his throat no matter how hard he tries to stomp it down, panic starting to fill his lungs.

"Um, Kookie?"

"Jungkook."

"That's enough."

Three voices resonate through the room simultaneously. Taehyung, Namjoon, Seokjin. All three are looking at him, eyes no longer playful.

"Let up, Jungkookie." Seokjin's command comes quietly, but the power behind it is strong enough to move mountains. The maknae winces.

"..sorry, hyung." Jungkook whispers, relinquishing his grasp on the elder and nuzzling Yoongi weakly in a very Taehyung-like manner before taking a few steps back. Seokjin pats the younger vocalist's shoulder, not unkindly.

"Yoongi-chi's been a bit worse for wear recently. It's better if you treat him a little more carefully." Jin says, sighing. That sigh along makes Yoongi feel like a huge disappointment. He can't even handle a hug from his dongsaeng, what kind of hyung is he? His eyes burn, and his fists clench. It feels like there's something ripping at his chest, shredding his organs, his lungs, his heart, from the inside out. His lips part to suck in oxygen, but he's suffocating all the same, bloodied heart thumping against his ribcage painfully as it attempts to keep him functioning.

"Everyone, get out. Now." Seokjin's demand comes sharply.

"But-" Multiple protests echo around the room, but Seokjin isn't having it.

"Do it. We're going to have a talk from roommate to roommate." The boys reluctantly obey, sending looks over their shoulders, hushed and worried whispers falling over the group, but it's all just white noise in Yoongi's ears. The door clicks shut, and they're alone.

"Hey, hey. I know what you're thinking," Large, soft hands cup his cheeks, and Yoongi's unfocused gaze settles on Seokjin, staring right through him. Seokjin takes no notice, speaking in a soothing, almost melodic way. Yoongi's immediately enchanted, eyes caught on Seokjin's lips. "It's okay to not want them to touch you, Yoongi-chi."

"Jinnie.. I'm- I'm not- what kind of p-pathetic hyung-" The rapper's voice is weak, and it cracks painfully.

"Hush.. it's okay baby. You're not a bad hyung.. you just like your privacy, your personal space, and that's okay." Seokjin shushes him not unkindly, maneuvering the rapper so that he can pick him up and move them both into a comfortable position on the couch hidden in the corner of the room as small sobs shake his prone form. Seokjin helps Yoongi get comfortable, helps him straddle his thighs so that his injured ankle isn't jostled. Yoongi fits perfectly in Seokjin's lap too, and the elder idol can't help but smile as Yoongi searches for his warmth, shyly hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

"You're a good boy.. so, so good. Jungkookie's just a scary muscle pig, he shouldn't touch you without my permission anyway. I'll warn him next time, yeah? I'll warn everybody. No more touching Yoongi-chi." Seokjin croons, and Yoongi nods weakly.

"Don't hurt 'em." Yoongi rasps feebly, and he feels the elder's body shake under his own with amused chuckles. A kind hand pats his head gently.

"I won't, doll. We'll just have a proper talk, me and the boys. They'll keep their hands off of you." Seokjin promises, and Yoongi's body seems to melt into Seokjin's as the tension leaves him.

"Thank you, hyung." The whisper comes out a little croaky, and Yoongi lifts his head, steeling himself for what he's about to do. All of his logic screams otherwise, but a part of him says _reward him, he's been so good to you today,_  so Yoongi tilts his head up just a little more and places his lips on top of Seokjin's.

The elder male smiles into the chaste kiss, allowing Yoongi to pull away as he wants to. "Anything for my precious boy." He murmurs, the smile never leaving his lips, before shifting to conversation topic onto something he clearly feels the need to put out there. "Now before you go, we need to go over some rules."

Yoongi blinks slowly.

"You got hurt because of your own habits, doll. These are being put in place for your own good." Seokjin reminds him, hands moving to rest at Yoongi's small hips as he speaks. "I always know best, after all."

Yoongi nods in agreement. Even if he didn't actually agree, he would never dare do otherwise.

"Use your words, Yoongi-chi." Seokjin chides, sounding sickeningly sweet.

"Yes hyung. You know what's best for me." He whispers, a small part of him rebelling inside.

"Exactly, so listen closely. I have seven rules for you. How many rules are there?"

"Seven." Yoongi repeats obediently, eager to please, ignoring that angry, screaming voice in the back of his mind.

"First, don't speak until spoken to, not even to whatever manager hyung that is going back with you. Eat what you are given. All of it. Do your work. Text me once every hour you are awake, minimum, even if I don't respond. Don't let the manager-hyung touch you, unless it's a hand through your hair to calm you. Always be on your best behavior. You can only respond to the kids once a day, got it?"

Yoongi goes to nod, and then freezes, lowering his head. "Got it, hyung." He mumbles, and Seokjin smiles that eerie smile of his.

"Repeat all the rules back for me, doll." He demands, and Yoongi does as he's told, doing his best to not react to the pet name that rarely comes out. It's one that he only has associated with bad memories.

"Don't speak until spoken to." He takes a deep breath. "Eat what I'm given. Do my work. Text you every hour. Be on my best behavior always. Don't let anyone touch and dirty me. Only respond to the others once a day." Yoongi echoes, rolling the ideas around in his head.

The elder male nods, pleased. "Good boy. Nice and easy to remember, isn't it?"

"Yes hyung."

 

It's only hours afterwards that he realizes Jimin hadn't been there to greet him. He can't find it in himself to care.

 

_____

 

 

His days with Yoonjae are distressing, in an odd way. The routine is nice, kind of, but the man is constantly flitting around him like a nervous little thing. He's always in the room, never leaves Yoongi alone until it's time to sleep.

He makes him prop up his ankle and ice it(he hates it, the ice, even through a rag, it burns at his skin), refuses to let him move around too much, refuses to let him get his own food, or even run his own bath water. Thankfully, Yoonjae at least allows him to bathe on his own.

"Yoongi-yah." Their manager calls from the other room. Yoongi grunts from his place on the couch, clicking away on his laptop, busy at work.

"Yeah, hyung?" He inquires, cocking his head as he stares at a particular melody scrawled across his screen.

"Water or juice?" He asks, and Yoongi pauses for a moment, thinking. He has a feeling whatever juice Yoonjae is looking at in their refrigerator is either sickeningly sweet or one of those nasty green juices and Yoongi isn't looking to end up feeling nauseated.

"Water, please." He calls back, getting an affirmative sound in return. Yoongi turns his attention back to his laptop, but his inspiration seems to have dissipated in the moment, and he lets out an annoyed grumble. He misses everyone. He hates being alone in their large dorms with only Yoonjae to keep him company.

He has nothing against Yoonjae, but he misses his boys. He misses Bangtan. He misses the rush of performing on stage, he misses Taehyung and Jungkook and Hoseok and Namjoon. He misses Seokjin. He doesn't however, miss Jimin. He won't miss him until Jimin apologizes for speaking badly about Seokjin, and stops trying to start things with him. Seokjin has done so well, keeping his promises. Seokjin is keeping his hands off of the others, and Yoongi has to give him credit when Jimin keeps attempting to get a rise out of him.

He sighs, clacking aimlessly at his keyboard, only to regret the movement when is messed with the beat he had going. "Shit." He mutters, pressing the _undo_ button a couple of times.

"Yoongi-yah. Put that away for a moment, it's time for lunch." Yoonjae says kindly, and Yoongi goes his very best not to complain. Meal times are the bane of his existence. He absolutely dreads them. Yoonjae isn't a bad cook, far from it actually, but each meal is painful to handle. Yoonjae watches him to make sure everything is eaten, and that's what's stressful.

His kind eyes follows his every movement, even as he sits down beside Yoongi, watching like a hawk. Sometimes Yoongi physically can't continue, sometimes he feels sick eating, like he's going to throw up, and he tells Yoonjae that. Yoonjae doesn't for him on those days, but the genuine disappointment in his eyes is enough to to throw Yoongi off for days. He feels like a failure, even more than he feels fat and ugly.

Sometimes he finds himself texting Seokjin, who occasionally gives him advice. More makeup. Eyeshadow, lipstick blended into a gradient. Actually investing in skincare instead of just slapping something on his skin. Caking his appearance with makeup kind of helps, he supposes, until he washes his face off in the night, anyway. With washing his face comes revealing his true appearance, and looking in the mirror is like looking into the face of a hideous being. Squinty eyes, chunky jaw, sunken in eyes and cracked lips, all of his features make him cringe.

The thunk of ceramic plates being placed on the coffee table draws Yoongi's attention back to Yoonjae, and as he looks up, his glasses slip down his nose. "Oh. Thanks, hyung." He mumbles, pushing the frames back up and blinking slowly. The food looks good. Or it would, if Yoongi had any appetite. Either way, he forces himself to sit up properly as Yoonjae takes a seat on the floor across from the couch.

"What's up with the glasses, Yoongi-yah?" Yoonjae inquires conversationally, and Yoongi shrugs in reply. The frames tend to hide his makeup a little, but Seokjin isn't here to help him put his contacts in, and Yoongi hasn't deemed struggling to stick silicone hydrogel into his eyes by himself worth it.

"Just been feeling off, I guess." He mumbles, almost shrinking in on himself while he reaches out for his chopsticks.

"Ah. Don't feel too bad. You'll be on stage with the boys soon enough." Yoonjae seems to take it as Yoongi feeling down for injuring himself and not being able to perform with the others. He supposes the manager isn't completely wrong. Yoongi has spent a lot of time during the day inside his own head, and he's starting to think he might just be having trouble adjusting without Seokjin around.

So many aspects of his daily life are off, now, and not just because of the injury. He's glued onto his phone when not writing music, so much so that Yoonjae has commented on it once or twice. He waits for his daily texts from Seokjin, sending his own hourly, and chats with Zhoumi over Skype during the hours that Seokjin doesn't have time for him.

"Yoongi." Yoongi's head shoots up, wide eyed in alarm at his name being called. "Eat. You need it." Yoonjae pushes the plate of food towards Yoongi, and his stomach feels like lead. He picks at it though, eats the lightest stuff first, and it's almost okay. It's just the richer portions of the meal that sit heavy on his tongue, coat the inside of his mouth in an unpleasant manner. Swallowing is a struggle.

He somehow manages to get through the meal, gulping down water to wash the taste from his mouth. It doesn't help the heaviness in his stomach though. "Thanks for the food, hyung," He mumbles, shifting on the couch awkwardly. Yoonjae offers him a small, kind smile, acknowledging his words.

"You've done well with the meal today, Yoongi-yah." He says quietly, and Yoongi's lips curl into a weak smile in return. He has a feeling the manager has been talking to, or texting Seokjin, as the man's behavior has been shifting over time.

In the beginning, he had tried to be more conversational, and Yoongi had tried his best to be responsive, but it had all been very stressful. As their time together has progressed, however, Yoonjae has dropped the happy, conversational act, and fallen into more familiar behavior.

Drifting towards more quiet interaction, Yoonjae no longer feels the need to fill the silence in the dorms. Though he still holds the expectation of at least an exchange of words during meals, the living in the dorms with the manager alone has gotten much more comfortable.

He's begun praising Yoongi for the things that the rapper has found more difficult, like finishing off a larger meal, or sharing a beat that he's slaved over for an entire day. He reassures him when he doesn't quite do it right, tells him he'll succeed next time, like he knows Yoongi is beating himself up over every single failure, and when the rapper panics, struggles for breath, eyes wide with encroaching hysteria, Yoonjae runs an hand through Yoongi's hair, soothing him with hushed murmurs. It's not quite the same, but it's good enough to calm him(Yoonjae is allowed to touch him when he's panicked, which is something Yoongi has to remind himself as he goes limp at the touch).

Yoonjae doesn't seem to expect to be spoken to anymore, unless he initiates the conversation. It looks like he's accepted it at this point, or Seokjin has said something to him about that as well. Yoongi expects that to be the case. After all, Yoonjae doesn't act disappointed, or like Yoongi is being rude. He seems sympathetic and realizes it's better to not force speech.

Yoongi lets out a tuneless hum, blinking at Yoonjae slowly. The elder male cocks his head slightly. "Want to show me what you're working on?" He inquires, and Yoongi shrugs, pulling his laptop over to play what he has for the manager. Yoonjae showers him in praise, and Yoongi preens under the elder male's compliments, something that Yoonjae seems to recognize.

They fall back into silence, and Yoonjae finally stands, bringing their dishes to the kitchen to wash them. When he comes back into the room, footsteps light and barely audible, the manager has his own laptop gripped tightly in hand, and he plops himself down in the seat next to the couch.

Until supper, the two men work on their separate projects, the only sounds in the household being the clicking of keyboards and the hum of the air conditioner.

 

______

 

Yoongi is wound up. He had bid Seokjin goodnight hours ago, but then he couldn't sleep and it's driving him insane. He couldn't even get to to do anything because the thunking of the crutches against the wooden floors would surely wake his manager, who has taken to sleeping on the couch.

It's in the early hours of the morning, and that's how he finds himself in bed, running his hands over chest, trailing his fingertips over his soft stomach, and then farther south still. He shivers at the barely-there sensations, but hesitates at the hem of his underwear. He's almost embarrassed. He used to jerk off back before he joined BigHit, but then training and exhaustion got in the way, and after that.. well, Seokjin was there.

Seokjin always makes sure Yoongi got off by the end of the night, though Yoongi is certain it's more to humiliate him than genuinely care for Yoongi's pleasure. Now though, without anyone to take care of his needs, he palms himself through his underwear, and he lets out a soft sigh as he willingly touches himself for the first time in forever. It doesn't feel like enough though, and he quickly brings his hand to his lips, hesitantly pushing his fingers in, suckling at them and getting them wet. It's not enough, so he pulls them out, a stand of saliva breaking off and dribbling down his chin. _Gross_. He whines, finally deciding to spit into his palm.

When he wraps his hand around his soft length, it feels better this time, and he slowly works himself up, getting a little more comfortable with his body, heat gradually building up in his belly. It's not enough. He wants more, and he squirms on his sheets, his night shirt rubbing against his sensitive skin.

It still doesn't feel quite right though, so his quickens the pace, imagining someone else's hands on him, gripping him firmly, expertly jacking him off. It feels good, but the elastic of his underwear is constructing his wrist, so he pauses his actions to shimmy out of them before continuing.

A soft moan, barely audible, escapes him, and the word _please_  is whimpered out. It's hot and wet and good, and he's more than half hard, and he wishes someone were there to help him. He wants someone to kiss him, to hold him tight and take away his ability to remember for a while. He wants.. he wants..

Yoongi brings free hand to his lips, sucking at his fingers the way he does Seokjin's, swirling his tongue around each digit. He makes sure they're completely coated with saliva before hesitantly spreading his legs. He hears Seokjin's croon of _good boy_  as he hesitantly circles his entrance with a wet finger, shuddering, before pushing it inside as he continues to move his other hand on his small cock.

He moans. The sensation.. it's good, something he's used to. One finger. Easy. He moves it in and out a couple of times, just as a precaution, before adding a second, which takes a little more to ease inside, and elicits a small gasp. He works himself up, muscles relaxing as he gets used to the stretch. His hand on his cock is getting tired, and he whimpers in frustration. He needs more. It feels like he's burning up.

He forces another finger inside, ignoring the sting as he searches for his prostate. How does Seokjin do this so easily? He whines until he crooks his fingers just right, finding the nerves he was searching for. "Fuck.." He gasps, repeating the motion, small hips jerking into his fist. His wrists are aching, but the tension inside of him is building, and he doesn't dare stop, doesn't think he could handle the pressure in his lower belly just ebbing away. He needs release, and in his desperation, he speeds up his actions, soft moans falling continuously from his lips.

His orgasm comes without warning, crashing over him like a wave. His cum, white a viscous, squirts up to his belly, and he clenches around his fingers inside of him as he chokes out Seokjin's name. The moment itself is euphoric, but when he removes his fingers and reaches for a tissue, the situation hits him, he's never felt more ashamed.

His body is covered in a layer of sweat, and the room smells of sex and cum. Dirty. He feels dirty and disgusting and he quietly grabs his crutches and forces himself out of bed to quietly drag his shameful body to the bathroom farthest from the living room where his manager slept on, clueless as to what sin Yoongi had just committed. He takes a second bath for the night and scrubs himself clean until his skin is raw and reddened. It's unpleasant, but everything about the situation is unpleasant.

When he finally gets back to his room, as clean as he can be, he looks between his bed and his hyung's. He wrinkles his nose, humiliated by his own actions, and curls up in Seokjin's bed, not willing to re-enter his sweat soaked one.

 

He's never hated himself so much in his entire life.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I am so sorry about how late this chapter is. I can't wait for the semester to be over, when I'll actually have time to write without worrying about grades and stuff. I finally managed to get advised(which I was supposed to do a month ago), thanks to my friend who literally had to drag me to set up the meeting because I was high key terrified. 
> 
> Anyway, tell me what you think about the chapter. A lot of things are progressing, and while this one isn't super exciting, I think it's important to the fic. It's like a small breaking point before the actual one(which is planned for four-five chapters from this one). :)


	11. Chapter 9 - Nocturne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning to the last month of touring isn't as painless as Yoongi hopes. In all senses of the word. Even if it sees to be going okay at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... It's been over half a year. I'm so freaking sorry. I kept saying the chapter would be out and I failed to get it out. If you would like to read my pathetic excuses for it being so long, I'll put it at the end of the chapter behind some insight on the chapter. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy, and please don't rip me apart in the comments. I'll be going back and editing out typos in this(and earlier) chapters within 24 hours. 
> 
> Also, some of Jin's actions in this chapter are definitely unreasonable, with no logical thought process. No one ever said he was sane in this fic.

 

 

  
Rejoining the boys on tour is a relief. He barely makes the last month of it, but he does(the week leading up to it was full of dance practices in a their big practice room, bereft of everyone but Yoongi and Yoonjae). It was a lonely week, even with Yoonjae there to make sure he didn't push himself too far and injure himself more. The man was like a mother hen, watching over him constantly. Hell, Yoonjae still is, even after having returned to the tour.

"Yoongi-yah!" The man calls out, holding out a water bottle for him as he steps out of their van on the way to an interview. Yoongi takes it with a polite nod as Seokjin ushers him towards the building. He takes a sip of it as he's herded inside, and Seokjin gives him an approving little pat on his lower back. The eldest member has been paying close attention to his health ever since he's gotten back, asked Yoonjae about Yoongi's assigned proportions of each category of food, even going as far as having looked over the worn packet of papers concerning Yoongi's diet himself.

Seokjin has even begun to insist Yoongi drinks more water(apparently it's calculated to his body but it feels like too much), as well as carefully choosing Yoongi's food based on the information from their manager and his own research. Yoongi in turn often complains that it's too much food, he's going to die of water poisoning, but he never gets anything more than an exasperated eye roll from the vocalist. Yoongi really can't blame him though; he does have a thing for being a little overdramatic.

They're all corralled into the building, where the makeup noonas sit them down in chairs to fix them up, at which Yoongi backs away. He's already done his makeup this morning in the hotel bathroom before they left. His makeup looks nice, with radiant, glowing skin and sparkling lids done in a way that makes his small eyes look softer and rounder- prettier- the blush(the color chosen carefully by Seokjin) giving his cheeks a lovely flush.

Hoseok had been staring at him in the van, and Yoongi wonders if Hoseok thinks he's pretty like this, if he has done himself up nicely enough to catch anyone and everyone's attention. He hopes so. He wants to be a good idol, and that requires being good looking.

Or maybe Hoseok had been looking at him in confusion, realizing that Yoongi is a horrible jumbled mess and the makeup is a mask to hide his chaotic inner self. That was far more likely. While Hoseok isn't the best at reading him, Hoseok also isn't completely stupid. Yoongi can tell that the younger male knows that something has been different.

"Ah, Yoongi-ssi, you're going to put me out of a job." One of the makeup noonas, Ara, jokes as she inspects his face, as if she's searching for some mistake to wipe away and correct. "Though it's definitely a different style than typical idols." She pauses. "I think it suits you." She laughs kindly. "You're hardly a typical idol, after all."

Yoongi furrows his brows, but says nothing.

"Ara, if you're just standing around, you should get Yoongi's hair done already." Someone calls from outside of Yoongi's view. He blinks quickly. Right. That's a thing. Ara seems to be jolted into remembering as well, and she chuckles, embarrassed as she leads Yoongi to the styling chair, small hands urging him on. Her touch feels as if it's burning through his clothing, and not in a good way.

It's horribly unpleasant, and he swallows down the part of his stomach that's trying to make its way up his throat. Paired with the scent of searing hair(a smell he imagines being close to burning flesh), it takes all of the control in his body to not hurl. Throwing up right before being on television isn't allowed. He won't let himself.

Ara seems completely oblivious as she fries his already damaged hair beyond redemption, chatting away happily. Yoongi occasionally lets out little grunts to make her think he's listening. He's not going to burst the bubble of someone with a heated metal wand in their hand, after all.

"Do you know what's up with Jimin-ssi?" Ara asks conversationally, and Yoongi shrugs.

"How has he seemed while I was gone?" The rapper inquires quietly, watching as the stylist's expression falls flat. He feels like he should be worried, but a part of him rebels at the idea. "We had a disagreement the day I fucked my ankle up." He admits. "Could have been that."

"Quieter. He's starting to constantly look brooding." She purses her lips. "I haven't seen him hold a proper conversation with Jin-ssi off camera in forever, and the tension with Namjoon-ssi is.. something else." Yoongi raises an eyebrow in the mirror as the woman begins to add some type of spray into his hair. Ara catches his eyes. "Jin-ssi is fine. He tries his best, but.. it's usually ends uncomfortably."

"And Namjoon?" He asks carefully, and Ara's smile turns a bit weird.

"I think Namjoon-ssi might be a little upset about something Jimin-ssi said or did." She confides at a whisper. "But they're at least on speaking terms with each other." Yoongi nods, letting out a little 'ahh', before getting a light slap on the shoulder for his troubles, and he does his best to not flinch. "Stop moving or your hair'll be messed up." He lets out a sound of resignation. At least it looks like she's almost done.

_

  
"Jinnie-hyung." Seokjin looks up from his place on the hotel bed as his name is called. Yoongi is dripping wet from the shower, towel wrapped around his chest in the fashion that falls to hide the softness of his tummy that has started to form. Namjoon has remarked that he looks healthier now, but Yoongi just feels fat. His cheeks have regained a bit of chubbiness, and he hates looking in the mirror now more than ever. Funnily enough, these days, he's spending more time looking at himself than he ever has before.

The elder male cocks his head expectantly, and Yoongi obediently crosses the room to give him a small kiss. He's pulled into Seokjin's lap, being maneuvered into straddling the vocalist's thighs. While their own interactions have changed drastically in the past few months, Seokjin seems to have easily reverted to his charming self in front of everyone. No more visible anger in public. No more outbursts that Yoongi has seen. Jimin shouldn't be suspicious anymore, but their dongsaeng is still avoiding both of them.

"What're we going to to about Jiminie?" He asks. Seokjin meets his gaze dead on, his eyes innocent and sharp, and Yoongi does his best to not flinch. "He's not interacting with either of us, hyung." Yoongi lets out his worry with caution. Jimin isn't exactly Seokjin's favorite topic, after all. Yoongi doesn't blame him. Jimin had been particularly unpleasant behind the scenes. "ARMYs are going to start worrying soon. They're not blind."

All readable emotion is erased from Seokjin's soft features, and Yoongi allows himself to relax as the elder male voices his own thoughts. "He's the problem though, Yoongi-chi. It's not us." He sighs, reaching out to twirl a lock of Yoongi's short hair around his finger. "But you are correct; it wouldn't be desirable to worry our fans."

"Should.." Yoongi swallows tightly, his whole being rebelling at the words he's about to speak. "Do you think I should.. apologize to him?" He nibbles at his thumbnail, until Seokjin gently slaps his hand down, halting Yoongi's nibbling.

"Stop that." He hushes, reaching up to grasp the back of Yoongi's neck, pulling him in and up for another kiss. It's bruising, uncomfortable, and Yoongi whimpers ever so slightly. Seokjin grins into his mouth before pulling away. "Do you want to apologize to him?" His honeyed brown eyes are serious.

Yoongi can feel his teeth grind together. "Want to? No.. but it's not like ARMYs pay so much to see our internal problems, hyung. They want an escape. They want to be entertained. It's our job to give them that." The truth spills from his lips before he can stop it. What is he thinking? Letting Seokjin know he's still bitter about Jimin? How can he be siding with Seokjin now and letting him know it? He's giving all of his goddamn cards away.

A blinding smile crosses Seokjin's face, and Yoongi's throat tightens up in something in can't quite place. Maybe it's a side effect of having been gripped so tightly. "Why don't you explain to him that he's being problematic?" Seokjin suggests, and Yoongi's eyes narrow slightly. He gets the feeling that Seokjin is trying to throw him under the bus. Or at least, trying to keep his own hands clean. "Then perhaps he'll stop causing issues on camera."

"I.. I think maybe that would be adding gasoline to the fire, hyung. I'd probably be best if we can get him to genuinely act normal with us again." Seokjin near interrupts him as he finishes speaking, grasping him by the jaw and pulling him closer to bite down on Yoongi's bottom lip as something akin to punishment. Yoongi swears he can taste fucking blood as he gasps involuntarily. Wrong answer then.

"What are we going to do about Jiminie, Yoongi-chi?" Seokjin repeats his first question, tightly gripping Yoongi by his jaw in his typical, domineering manner. _Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong_. He winces, inhaling sharply. Just when his bruises were finally gone, Seokjin just causes more to bloom on his skin like blue and violet flower petals.

"I- I can apologize to him alone, hyung, apologize on both of our behalfs, I-" He doesn't quite register the hit that has him reeling backwards, off Seokjin's thighs, and landing on the hotel's carpeted floor.

He said the wrong thing again. "I'm sorry. Hyung, I-" He's quickly shut up, allows Seokjin to toss him around the room like a rag doll. There's no screaming. No panicking. He doesn't dare when the hotel walls could be thin.

Not that he thinks much about fighting it these days, despite the surge of self hatred that comes with giving in. Struggling hasn't done him any good in the past. It won't in the future, either. It seems ridiculous to continue to fight when the battle is never going to be won. The most he's ever been able to do is flee with his tail between his legs or struggle uselessly. Both only put off the inevitable and add to his list of punishments.

Sometimes battles can be won. Other times, it's better to just lay down and take the beating. He's learned his lesson over time. His pride still makes it difficult to swallow, but it truly is the best option.

Either way, it's the first time Seokjin is particularly rough with him since the tour began. Yoongi supposes it's his own fault. He knows Seokjin, as kind as he is, can hold a grudge. Even if Seokjin is trying to make amends in front of their managers and stylists, he's just acting the more mature one. Seokjin is just as annoyed with Jimin, and doesn't want to fix it. He sees it as giving in, or being weak. Yoongi understands. He really does. He's still bitter too. But sometimes they can't let their own feelings get in the way of the band's success.  
  
"I'll fix it, hyung. I'll do good, I promise." He finds himself repeating the words like a mantra as he breaks apart beneath Seokjin's fingers, face pushed into the hotel's pillow. They'll be okay. They have to be.

  
___

Not even the adrenaline rush of performing on stage is enough to chase the ache from him bones in the coming days. He walks with the faintest limp, but whenever any one of the boys eyes him worriedly, asks him if he needs help, he straightens up and offers them a smile. There's no need. Except Jimin. Jimin is still an issue, but he has to find time to talk to him alone, away from everyone's prying ears. Away from Seokjin's suspicious eyes. The thought makes him nervous. Being alone with Jimin, it's enough to make him start to feel sick to his stomach. He hates to think that he's scared of his dongsaeng, scared of the anger and borderline paranoia that Jimin displays when it comes to Seokjin.

And yet, he needs to face him. He's been going over what to say to the vocalist for hours. For the sake of the band. So, he braces himself and corners the vocalist after the next concert. It's rather difficult, if he's to be honest. They're all sweaty, exhausted, and more than a little burnt out. It's not a good combination and Jimin can be slippery when he wants to be. He clearly doesn't want to be in his presence. It's only after Yoongi throws a pleading look at Taehyung- who willingly tempts the others out of the room- is he capable of getting them alone.

Jimin levels him with a blank, unreadable stare. Yoongi does his best not to flinch. "Jimin. Can we talk?" He shifts uncomfortably. It's painfully awkward.

"You wanna talk _now?_ " The younger male crosses his arms in front of his chest, leveling Yoongi with a look that makes his breath hitch in instinctive fear. It's the same as Seokjin's _you did bad_  expression, and he's suddenly painfully aware of the finger shaped bruises on his jaw.

"..yeah." He finds himself uttering softly, gluing his eyes to the floor. He doesn't think he can bring himself to look Jimin in the face anymore. The younger male pushes past him, and for a horrible moment, Yoongi thinks Jimin is going to leave him here after he had swallowed his pride to approach him, but then door to the dressing room clicks shut, and the sound of a deadbolt falling into place echoes in his ears.

"Okay. Talk." Jimin says in a steely tone, crossing his arms across his chest. Yoongi keeps his gaze glued to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

_"You're sorry?"_  He sounds angry, and Yoongi winces, head instinctively lowering even farther.

"I'm sorry." He repeats, with a little more conviction. He wants to puke. The words make him feel sick. "I shouted at you unfairly. I j-just hated watching the two of you at odds with another, and instead of explaining that to the both of you, I chose s-sides. It was wrong of me, and I allowed myself to get worked up over it. You were worried about me, and I t-turned on you."

He stumbles over his words embarrassingly as his mind works faster than his tongue. Fuck. He can feel his face burning, and he shifts from foot to foot, a far cry from the confident rapper he plays. Jimin's narrow eyes bore straight through him, and Yoongi can't help but feel like it's judgement day. Though, realistically, he practically lives with one foot in hell anyway. Even if Jimin decides to reject his apology and continue to ignore both he and Seokjin, it's not like his life can take any more drastic downward spirals at this point.

"So you recognize that I only have had your best interest in mind, hyung?" It's a challenge, and Jimin doesn't try to hide it. He's bitter. Yoongi clenches his jaw unhappily.

"I was in the wrong, Jiminie." He lies through his teeth, voice hushed and demure. He, through trial and error, has found it to be the best way to respond to posturing. Or at least, it garners the least amount of repercussions. "I wasn't okay and I took it out on you."

The silence is deafening. Then, before he can protest, Jimin is invading his space, hugging him tightly. His chest tightens, and it's like he's forgotten how to breathe. _Play along, Yoongi. This is what you wanted, right?_  He internally curses himself, forcing his body to relax into the touch.

"You're shaking, hyung." Jimin points out, a thousand times gentler than he has been since Yoongi returned from his healing break, like the cruelty was just an act but damnit Yoongi knows better than to fall for that type of shit. He pushes down the urge to snap at him. It's Jimin's fault that he can't breathe, that his throat is closing up and he suddenly feels disgusting and dirty and horrible.

"I-" He doesn't know what to say that won't throw them out of balance, and it's terrifying. Half of him is screaming to _get out_ , while the other half is just about ready to shatter to pieces, right then and there. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm-"

"Hyung, I.." Jimin's grip loosens, but Yoongi gets little reprieve. He still feels like he can't breathe, no matter how much oxygen he pulls into his lungs. "Don't apologize." Jimin mutters, taking a step back to hold him at an arm's length, small hands gripping at Yoongi's thin biceps. The touch feels like it's burning through his long sleeved shirt.

"It's okay. You're okay, hyung." But is he really? Is he really okay? That feels like a lie(he doesn't know what the truth is anymore). He feels sick. He feels sick. He feels sick. He breaks away from Jimin's grasp, hand slapped over his mouth, stumbling towards the door to retch into the garbage bin. To his dismay, all of the contents of his stomach spill, and Yoongi wishes that he had disobeyed Jin's command to eat this morning. "Shit, hyung." Jimin curses, but Yoongi's too concentrated on puking away all the filth in his body to respond.

"I've got some wipes in my bag to clean you up once you're done. I'll be right back." Jimin assures him- Yoongi doesn't care- he finishes throwing up his guts, spitting in hopes of getting rid of the taste of vomit and bile, continuing to hunch over the trash can just in case.

"Done?" Jimin asks quietly, and Yoongi nods weakly, muttering something that not even he quite understands. Jimin lifts the rapper's chin with gentle fingers(it still instinctively makes Yoongi flinch), using the makeup removing wipe to clean away the residue around his mouth.

"Yeah." He mumbles, shaking fingers wrapping around Jimin's to clumsily take the wipe and do a better job. He wonders if Seokjin is going to be angry at him. He probably will. Yoongi did bad again, after all.

"Hyung." Yoongi's head snaps up and Jimin's stare is way too intense for his liking. His eyes are narrowed, and Yoongi isn't quite sure how to interpret the look.

"What?" He demands, a little defensive.

"You have bruises." Jimin says, voice is weirdly even, and Yoongi's eyes widen in horror. Shit. Shit. He had forgotten. _How_ _?_  How had he made much a stupid mistake?

"I- you weren't su-"

"Do I even need to guess whose fingerprints those are?" Jimin's head is cocked challengingly, and Yoongi doesn't like it, doesn't like the aura that the younger male is giving off. He shrinks back, shaking his head.

"Don't make assumptions, Jiminie. Sometimes things aren't always what they appear." He mumbles, quickly grabbing for his bag, his makeup rolling around at the bottom. He digs it out and reapplies with shaky hands, patting away at his skin with the air puff, causing the marks to sting.

"Yoongi-hyung.." Jimin pauses. Yoongi has a feeling the younger man is trying to figure out how to put what he wants to say into words without starting another fight. He nearly scoffs. Fuck this. He wishes Jimin would. At least then he would have an excuse for the bubbling anger that wells up inside of him.

_"What?"_ Oof. That comes out a little more cutting than he had meant for it to, and the patting of the air puff becomes harsher, leaving a sharp sting in its wake. His eyes catch his dongsaeng's flinch at his tone- at his behavior- that much have been instinctive. That bitter, vindictive part of him nearly gloats at the sight and Yoongi wants to slap himself. What kind of bastard is he, to take pleasure in such a thing? He's turning into a monster.

The younger males shakes his head. It seems like Jimin has learned his lesson. Yoongi doesn't know how to feel anymore. He's relieved that Jimin has dropped the subject, but at the same time, something in his heart knows something isn't quite right, and it's making him uncomfortable. "I'm just worried about you, hyung."

Worried, huh? The guy who didn't even want to see him before he left for six weeks? He wants to laugh, but he bites his cheek to silence himself. Jimin has no right to worry about him. Or maybe he does. Yoongi doesn't really remember. He doesn't know anymore. All he knows is that Jimin is poking at a subject that should be avoided at all costs, that Yoongi himself wants to flee.

Instead, he digs through his bag to find his makeup pouch and powder his face with shaky hands. "There's really no need to worry, Jiminie." He mutters, storing away his cosmetics after checking his appearance in the small compact's mirror. "Don't start digging into things that don't concern you."

With that, he unlocks the door and walks out, making a beeline for the bathroom.

He hopes all of this is worth it. 

____

  
Sometimes, Yoongi feels like he's disassociating for days in a row. Concerts, interviews, filming for their Youtube channel, everything blends together into one big conglomeration. Interactions with other members seems to pass by without any real meaning, and yet, they seem to mean everything. Sometimes small things are enough to imbed themselves into his flesh.

Almost everyone is careful around him, from their managers to Jungkook to even Seokjin, though the eldest is a little less obvious. Their maknae always seems to be on his toes, a little nervous to trigger another incident. Jungkook does his best to keep a physical distance to a minimum even as he attempts to maintain their friendship. Somehow, no matter how hard he tries, Yoongi finds it harder to interact with the youngest. It's.. suffocating. That's the best word for it. It's like Jungkook is looking at him through a microscope, treating him with like glass and he doesn't know what to do about it.

Jimin, on the other hand, occasionally reaches for him on stage, slow and purposeful while making eye contact before doing so, as if giving him a heads up, and yet, not delicately like Jungkook. It's something Yoongi vaguely appreciates, even if he never says anything about it. It almost makes up for all of the not-so-subtle scrutiny he often finds himself under from the angular eyed man.

"Boo." A nudge to the hip. A radiant, boxy smile. "What's on the menu for lunch?" Taehyung asks. He seems to be the only exception to the rule. If he notices anyone else's behavior, he doesn't seem to be following suit. He's always had two polar opposite sides, but never in the way Seokjin has. He tosses an arm over Yoongi's shoulder in a deliberate manner, the way he always has, and Yoongi doesn't feel the burning need to _get away_. He don't ponder it too much.

"Whatever we want to eat, Taetae." He replies, staring down at the lists of places to order from blankly. Taehyung cocks his head.

"Japchae?" The tall boy suggests, not sure if Yoongi's up for it today. There's a Korean takeout place on the list though, so Yoongi nods silently in agreement. Who would he be to to deny Taehyung his favorite food? That would be cruel.

"Mhm." Yoongi makes a grunting sound, the idea of talking to a stranger causing his stomach to churn uncomfortably, so he passes over his phone to Taehyung, just as one of Seokjin's notifications pops up, reminding him to eat. Taehyung chuckles, saying something about their hyung being a worrywart, but Yoongi doesn't quite pick it up, heart drumming aggressively in his chest as he snatches his phone back to quickly type a response.

Luckily, Taehyung isn't offended, letting out a soft laugh as he ruffles Yoongi's hair. He just patiently waits for the phone to be handed back to him, peeking over Yoongi's shoulder with curiosity sparkling in his wide eyes. Yoongi doesn't bother trying to hide his response. If anything, that would just be suspicious.

"Has hyung been on your ass recently or what?" Taehyung remarks humorously, and Yoongi finds himself shrugging in fake nonchalance. He resists the urge to shift in discomfort.

"Guess so. Think he's been worried, that's all." Yoongi mutters, unable to form the words he wants to say as he pushes the phone back into Taehyung's hands. The vocalist just pats him on the head kindly.

"We're all a little worried, hyung. It's just he's more aggressive in his worry. But he's always been like that, hasn't he?" The words make Yoongi's blood freeze in his veins, heart failing him, but Taehyung moves on to call the restaurant as if there wasn't a care in the world. As if there was no weight to his deeply unsettling observation. Maybe.. maybe Taehyung didn't mean it like _that_. Or maybe he did, and is just painfully nonchalant about it. Yoongi can never quite tell with him.

Either way, he turns his attention to his feet, listening asTaehyung orders enough food for an entire army, certainly not just japchae. He doesn't bother protesting. There's really no point, since the boy seems hungry. Besides, some of the others may come, and he can always offer some to Jin, should any be left over.

"Hyung." Taehyung has stopped talking, placing the phone in Yoongi's palm, warm hands enveloping Yoongi's own, curling the elder's fingers around the device. It's like he knows Yoongi would have dropped it any other way, as lost in his head as he is. "Let's go to the couches while we wait," he says, no asking. It's a command. A gentle one, almost like a suggestion, but it's enough for Yoongi, and he nods.

"Yeah." His voice comes out weird and raspy. He can feel Taehyung's eyes boring through his head, and he stuffs his phone in his pocket, allowing himself to be led towards the couches in the back corner of the room. Taehyung plops himself down on the couch, patting the cushion beside him. Yoongi sits.

He's not exactly comfortable with the level of contact Taehyung has been making anymore, but at the same time, it's tolerable. More tolerable than Jungkook, or Jimin, or god forbid, Hoseok. He hasn't felt close to Hoseok in.. months. He misses him, misses him, misses his friendship so much it's difficult to describe, and yet, it takes everything he has to not recoil when the other rapper gets too close. He doesn't know when it started. He doesn't remember. All he remembers is Seokjin, hands on him, chest, throat, ass, hips, and /*pain/*. When Hoseok gets too close, Yoongi gets hurt, but Yoongi is already hurting from the distance between them. He doesn't know what to do.

Taehyung stretches his long legs out, resting them in Yoongi's lap, and the elder does his best not to jolt. "Man, I can't wait for the food to get here." Taehyung whines, draping his torso over the arm of the couch so that he's all spread out.

Yoongi spares him a weak smile. "Yeah. I'm hungry." He lies through his teeth, fingers tapping against his thigh in an agitated manner. Taehyung reaches over, hand trapping Yoongi's calmly.

"Are you worried about something?" The younger male asks, suddenly sitting up, gaze steady. Yoongi gives a weak half shrug, taking a deep breath, forcing calmness into his lungs. Is he worried about something? He doesn't think he is. Maybe.

"I.." He hesitates. "I don't know." Taehyung hums in response, and Yoongi feels himself lose a bit of tension. His dongsaeng laces their fingers together naturally, and he feels a little less numb.

"You can always tell us if you are, hyung. Whether it be a song, or dance, or anything at all stressing you out, we're here for you. I'm here for you." The vocalist is looking at him so earnestly, Yoongi nearly chokes up. _He's not okay._  But he has to be. He has no other choice.

"I know that, Taetae." He mumbles. "But there are some things that I have to handle on my own." There's no place for others in this. Keep everyone's innocence intact. He feels like he's failing, truth be told. Everyone has seen him fall to pieces, is aware of his weakness, and he hates it. He hates it down to to core of his very being.

Taehyung's hand tightens around his own. "You're shaking, hyung." The younger male points out quietly, and Yoongi smiles.

"I'm just cold." He replies. "I'm fine."

He watches as the wide eyed boy raises his head and cocks an eyebrow in a pensive manner. "Whatever you say." Taehyung finally states after a long moment, offering Yoongi a small, reassuring smile.

After that, the conversation veers off in a far more comfortable direction. Anything and everything all at once, Yoongi listens to Taehyung ramble about things aimlessly from wanting another dog to their next comeback's concept. It's nice. Taehyung's voice is relaxing.

The food comes before Yoongi knows it. It takes about forty minutes according to the clock, but it feels like a lie. Either way, they can tell when it arrives through the scent wafting through the hall and into the room. Taehyung pays, though Yoongi had made a move to. All he did was shoot the elder a firm look, and Yoongi had frozen in his tracks. It's pathetic, now that he thinks about it. Where has all his stubbornness gone? His pride? Letting his dongsaeng pay, just because he shot him a look? What kind of hyung is he?

Except, Taehyung spreads the food all across the table and plops himself down, gesturing for Yoongi to do the same. It smells delicious. Or it would, if his stomach weren't turning in knots. He kind of wants to throw up again, but Taehyung is making a plate for him, full of his favorites, and the guilt weighs down on him. He accepts the offering with a weak _thanks_.

Taehyung's smile in return is blinding, and his stomach only feels heavier. However, he takes a pair of chopsticks and waits for the the younger before he begins eating. It's not.. terrible, not really, but he's not hungry. He's never hungry, especially not anymore, with the rest of the group always pushing more food into him. He must have gained at least ten pounds since his incident on stage, and even Seijin and the rest of the managers are continuously handing him things to snack on(he usually hides them in his bag until he can sneak them into the others' bags later on).

It's not like he's been trying to defy everyone, but they're making him look fat and he hates it. He hates it more than anything. The fans already aren't infatuated with him like they are Jungkook or Jimin, and adding chubby cheeks and overall baby fat to that? To be kind about it, he's certainly not the most attractive guy ever.

Besides, he's hyperaware of the texture of the food in his mouth, of the heat(too hot), the flavor(too salty), and it's all unpleasant, to say the least. He nearly gags as it slides down his throat. It's a struggle; everything's a struggle. Why are even the simplest things too hard for him? Is he really that incapable? That pathe-

"Is is good, hyung?" Taehyung is looking at him expectantly, with those wide, innocent eyes, halting his thoughts in their tracks. Yoongi pulls a smile. It's a little weak, but his dongsaeng accepts it.

"Yeah, Taehyungie. It's delicious. You made great choices." He compliments. Taehyung nods, corners of his eyes crinkling in his happiness. It's somewhat soothing. Taehyung does often give off the most pleasant vibes between the seven of them. Warm and inviting, only overshadowed by Seokjin's hand through his hair, and the words _you did good_.

Despite his words, every swallow is a struggle, and it takes his entire being to not retch. Too much. It's too much, but his dongsaeng is giving him this happy, encouraging look that makes him continue to eat. He hates it.

"I knew you'd like it!" Taehyung cheers, before a vibration sounds, indicating a new text message. The younger male blinks down at his phone, before a smile crosses his face. "Hobi-hyung's wondering where I am. Wanna invite him to eat with us?"

Yoongi pauses, not quite sure he wants to handle the internal conflict that comes with Hoseok's presence, but the part of him that adores the dancer has him nodding anyway. He misses being close to him. Taehyung smiles, tapping away at his phone screen, before turning back to him. "Anyway, how's your ankle doing?" He asks, lacing his fingers together in front of himself, and Yoongi can't quite help but think he looks like an antagonist from one of those anime as that Taehyung likes to watch.

He rolls his ankle around, hears-feels- it pop unpleasantly, mostly healed tendons moving tangibly underneath his skin. "Okay. It doesn't hurt." Unless he goes out of his way to move it in a manner that it's not supposed to. Then it bring along a rather unpleasant sensation. He backtracks a little. "Well, if I step on it wrong, it's hurts, but it's generally fine."

The younger male nods slowly, as if contemplating something. "Good. That's good." Taehyung says, sounding a little breathless.

When Hoseok joins them ten minutes later, the atmosphere has cleared a bit. They chat, and Yoongi does his absolute best to ignore the tightness in his chest.

It almost feels normal.

 

_____

"Yah, Jin-hyung, y-" Namjoon sounds affectionate. Something is going on in one of the hotel's conference rooms. Yoongi hears the happy voices, and he can't help but peek in as something nasty crawls into his chest. Namjoon and Seokjin are talking together. Enjoying themselves. Namjoon's eyes are sparkling with happiness, and Seokjin seems equally amused. Of course, Seokjin's acting. He's always acting.

Even so, Yoongi doesn't like it. He's hidden, right outside the door, a hand violently closing around his lungs, obstructing his ability to breathe. His blood is boiling. Namjoon needs to stay away. For his own sake. For the sake of Yoongi's own san- no. No. For Namjoon's own sake, and his own sake alone.

Namjoon's smile is real. His dorky awkwardness, his genuine personality. The way he's looking at Yoongi's Seokjin, that's real. It makes Yoongi want to grab his hyung by the hand and drag him away. Yoongi hates it. The monster inside his head, inside his chest that makes him want to glare at Namjoon, to glue himself to Seokjin's side, keep him away.

He doesn't know where it's coming from. Logically, he knows he should want to keep Namjoon away, for safety reasons, but there's something telling him it's more than that. It's how Seokjin, cruel as he is, is the one keeping Yoongi grounded. He's keeping him from entirely breaking down, and Yoongi doesn't want to share. The elder may be a cause of suffering, but he's also the one who brings safety. Stability. Control.

A whimper catches in his throat.

"What are you doing?" A curious voice sounds from behind him, and Yoongi whirls around to face the person who's caught him spying, in shock. Jungkook. Jungkook. What is the boy thinking? He's staring at him with those round eyes, as if he can see through him. It's unnerving. He doesn't like it.

Jungkook peeks into the room, and Yoongi watches as the tall male blinks a few times, before turning back to him. "You're spying on them?" He questions in hushed tones, not quite looking judgmental, but there's a weight in his gaze. Yoongi shrinks back, shifting from foot to foot in discomfort.

"..yes?" His voice goes high, cracking.

Jungkook seems to sigh, and he reaches out, hesitates, before grasping his hyung's wrist and leading him down the hall, into an empty conference room. Away from Seokjin and Namjoon. "Is there something going on that the rest of us aren't seeing, hyung?" He asks, closing the door behind them and letting Yoongi go. Yoongi's hand instantly moves to cover where Jungkook had gripped him, rubbing at it. Dirty. Dirty. He feels dirty.

Jungkook's eyes are drawn to the movement, and it takes all of the elder's willpower to not shrink back. "Hyung?" Jungkook sounds genuinely worried, and Yoongi feels as if he were hit in the chest with a fifty pound weight. Has Jungkook been talking to Taehyung about him? Or Jimin? Or worse, has the whole maknae line has decided he's become a problem? Will they attempt an intervention? What is he supposed t-

He hears a distorted call of his name, as if he were under water, and he forces himself to snap out of it. "I.." He doesn't know what to say, and yet, words tumble from his lips without his permission. "I want Seokjin-hyung to look at me."

He's instantly mortified, eyes growing wide, and he slaps his hands over his mouth as if it could take back what he had just said. Jungkook's brow furrows deeply in response, and Yoongi almost expects him to say something disgusted. Except, this is the boy raised by six caring, open minded hyungs. "So you're gay?" He asks, as if trying to simply get a grasp on the situation.

Yoongi shakes his head negative. "I just _am_." None of this is important. Everyone knows he's less than straight. This isn't the problem. His sexuality has nothing to do with this, but he'd rather Jungkook think that than see the truth.

"You just are? Are what?" Jungkook echoes, looking a little baffled.

"Am me. I'm not.. gay. I'm not straight, either. I'm just me." He says insistently, and he swears he can hear the brat mutter something along the lines of ' _Isn't that bisexual or pansexual or something?_ ''. He reaches up to gently slap the back of Jungkook's head. Just hard enough to get him to stop thinking out loud. Truth be told, Yoongi hasn't even thought about trying to categorize what he is. He's been too busy trying to survive.

"Aish, sorry hyung." Jungkook apologizes, rubbing at the back of his head, plopping himself down in a stray chair. "Wanna talk about it?" He pauses. "About Seokjin-hyung, I mean."

Yoongi shifts uncomfortably. What should he say? What _can_  he say? "I'm jealous of Joonie." Horrifically, it's the truth. Somewhere along the journey, he's gone from wanting to protect Namjoon-everyone- from Seokjin, to simply wanting Seokjin's attention himself. He hates himself for it. What kind of person is he? God, he's-

"Oh, hyung." Jungkook is looking at him so softly. So kindly. Yoongi feels sick. "That's natural. But I think we can all see that you're special to him." The choking laughter that bubbles up in his throat spills past his lips, tainted with bitterness. That's one way to put it. Special. Special enough to get an endless collection of bruises while the others get head pats and back hugs(not of genuine caring, but Yoongi would take that over what he gets any day).

"When you aren't looking, he looks at you like you mean the world to him, Yoongi-hyung." The boy adds, as if it would make anything better. It doesn't. Seokjin isn't capable of loving anything, or anyone. Yoongi knows that. The only think Seokjin loves is Yoongi's suffering. He has a feeling it's because of the uncaring attitude he projects in fear of being seen through. Seokjin probably thinks it's fun to tear down his walls, to torment him. His favorite plaything.

"He doesn't like me like that. He can't." He shakes his head, an odd smile stretched across his lips. Someone like Seokjin doesn't know how to love. Yoongi doesn't need that love anyway. Right? "Besides, I think Joon likes him too. What if he abandons me as his roommate in favor of Namjoon?" A genuine concern forces its way out of his mouth. He knows Namjoon admires Seokjin. It'd be difficult to not see it. What would happen to the group if their leader were to become victim to their eldest hyung's anger? They'd fall apart. But surely, Seokjin knows that? Right? Seokjin can't be stupid enough to take that type of risk.

Jungkook seems to sense his internal conflict if nothing else, and the boy pats him on the shoulder cautiously. He flinches anyway. "You can't tell anyone, Kook." Yoongi finds himself saying beseechingly, desperate to keep his words secret. "Please. I'll take you out for lamb skewers even. As much as you want."

Jungkook's expression morphs from kind to something Yoongi would almost describe as.. sad. The younger boy is sad. It makes Yoongi's heart ache unpleasantly. "Hyung.. things like this aren't easy." His blood freezes in his veins, mind blanking, and he closes his eyes, waiting for the dreaded words to follow.

They never come.

"I'll keep your secret. But come to me if it gets to be too much. I don't want you to hurt. We can do something to take your mind off of it, and while it won't go away, it'll numb it a bit." He suddenly sounds mature beyond his years, and Yoongi can only nod in response. There's nothing he can say, not really. He's stuck between a rock and a hard place. It feels like his entire existence is stuck between a rock and a hard place, for that matter.

"I'm sorry, Jungkookie.. it must be hard to see hyung like this." He mumbles, shaking his head in disgust. He knows that Jungkook, for all his muscles and persona, is far too sympathetic, easily becoming upset when his hyungs are. He doesn't want to rub off on the younger male. Jungkook is supposed to be happy. Carefree. That's the job of the maknae, not worrying about the incompetence of Min Yoongi.

It's a long while before he manages to give Jungkook the slip, shame welling up inside him, despite the fact it's hardly the worst thing he's ever done. When he finally gets back to his room, he notes that their belongings strewn across the table, on the floor, but the space is still so empty.

Yoongi can't hold back the bubbling laughter that tears its way from his throat, tears streaming down his face for no reason at all. He falls to his knees in hysterics, ignoring the dull ache of his bad ankle.

Pathetic. He's truly pathetic.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jimin here swings from aggressive to caring in front of Yoongi because he doesn't quite know how to act. He's worried, and that worry manifests as anger. When Yoongi is trying to apologize to him, he seems cold, just because he wants to know if Yoongi is just saying things to appease him(which he is), or if he's genuinely sorry. Once he sees what he wants, he allows the act to fade away and show his caring.
> 
> And now Jungkook is under the impression Yoongi has a crush on Seokjin.
> 
> And now for my list of excuses if anyone wants to hear, I guess. 
> 
> I had to study for my finals, and I failed two courses. Then, over winter break depression hit me like a train. I had a good part of the chapter written, but no more words wanted to come. Then school started up again and there was a huge fight between my friend group and some people in the lounge, and then after that, the fight began to become internal and everyone was turning on each other and I had to play the middle man and not pick sides which is currently still going on. Then midterms happened, and then finals fucking ran me the fuck down but I managed to pass all my classes this semester and get decent grades despite dilapidating anxiety and everything was just very overwhelming. 
> 
> To be honest, I had one more scene planned for this chapter, but it wasn't very important, and would have been uselessly long, and would probably just be word vomit so I decided to post as is. Um. Please review? So I know people are still reading this thing?


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